Spooktober is back for another week of spooks, and our special guest Kelli is back as well!

This week, we’re talking about Crawl, the 2019 monster movie about gators and hurricanes. Heck yeah, am I right? Anyway, for this one, I had to bring in our resident Florida expert Kelli to check on how accurate this fine film is. Yes, aggressive alligators are scary as hell, and so are hurricanes, but how FLORIDA is this movie? We’re going to get into that and so much more. Just read on!

Kelli: So we watched Crawl. It's a pretty simple premise. During a category five hurricane, a girl and her dad are trapped in the crawl space of their house with a bunch of giant, vicious alligators. Oh, and their dog Sugar.

Emily: Yes. Sweet Sugar. Also the girl actually came back into hurricane territory to save her dad because her dad is a category 5 dumbass.

Kelli: Yes, absolutely.

Emily: So Kelli is our expert on this blog post.

Kelli: Yeah, I'm a Florida expert. And I had EXTRA expertise, because not only does this film take place in Florida, but the main character (Haley, a very authentic name for a girl from Florida) is a student at UF, which is where I went to school! Do you know what people who went to UF are, Emily?

Emily: Yes, OUR RIVALS, the gators

Kelli: GATORS. SHE IS A GATOR. FIGHTING GATORS.

Emily: I never went to UGA, but I grew up in Athens. So. We had a bar called Gator Haters.

Kelli: We didn't have any bars about UGA because y'all aren't important enough.

Emily: Hahahahah.... ANYWAY. Yes. She is a gator. Fighting gators. Very cool?

Kelli: It's also relevant that she's on the swim team. She is a SWIMMING gator. All of this comes in handy when you're trapped in a flood with actual gators with your dad who is the person who forced you to be good at swimming.

Emily: Yes, her dad sucks on so many levels.

Kelli: What did you think of the father/daughter relationship in this movie? It's kind of the emotional center.

Emily: So we know that her dad put a lot of pressure on her to be a great swimmer. Kind of. We don't really get a great picture of what that looks like. Just a few flashbacks. And I'm unsure of how we're supposed to feel about it? Like it seems to give her self esteem issues? But not really. And she doesn't seem, like, conflicted about her dad.

Kelli: Yeah, it's pretty clear that she loves her dad a lot, even though he seems like an asshole. Which, honestly... relatable?

Emily: IDK my dad is perfect.

Kelli: I think because I have personal experience having a dad who really pushed me to be good at shit in ways that were totally overbearing and extreme, but a dad who I still love and have a good (ish) relationship with - that part of the movie made sense to me.

Emily: Yeah I think the movie is relying on us putting our own emotional weight into that stuff. But isn't every movie, really?

Kelli: I appreciated it because I think movies about dads and daughters tend to lean into the sentimentality aspect. I think this movie presented a pretty honest relationship between these two people - where one of them is supposed to be the parent but the other one is doing all of the saving.

Emily: That’s true.

Kelli: Also, for the record, I do not find Barry Pepper to be attractive at all, but in this movie I was like, is he a DILF? It was probably the fact that most of it was in the dark and he was covered in dirt and blood and missing the use of various limbs.

Emily: Also the older we get the more we're going to think parents are hot. That’s what I’m learning.

Kelli: Weird.

Emily: Get used to it.

Kelli: So, as far as Florida things go, I first want to say that this takes place in a fake beach town and not a real part of Florida, which I thought was kind of dumb. Like, if you're going to straight up show the Gators logo, you might as well make them live in a real town?

Emily: Yeah... otherwise, just come up with a fake college? But they had to use gators because gators.

Kelli: Yes. And speaking of gators, the gators here are... not even close to being like real alligators.

Emily: Yes, they are very speedy..

Kelli: And like insanely aggressive. Which, okay, it's a horror movie.

Emily: Yeah like. If they weren't aggressive, this would be a weird movie.

Kelli: Towards the end we find out that they laid eggs in the crawl space, which is part of why they were being so insane. But still, the alligators are like specifically targeting these people. Usually alligators don't fuck with you unless you fuck with them first. Or you're like, a small dog or toddler walking along the side of a pond.

Emily: Well this dad is an idiot so maybe he did fuck with them.

Kelli: True. Another thing: this bitch decides to drive down 75 in the middle of a category five hurricane, which is fully insane.

Emily: Yeah, clearly she got that from her dad.

Kelli: Like, do you not know a single person in your home town that could go check on your dad???

Emily: She does, it turns out. Her sister’s ex. Seems like he would have done it.

Kelli: Ah, yes. What's-his-name.

Emily: Yeah, him.

Kelli: I like how she had a sister for five seconds in this movie. And also a mom who apparently fucked off to Paris.

Emily: CONVENIENT.

Kelli: ANYWAY, back to the alligators. There is some pretty gruesome horror action going on here.

Emily: Yes. This is what I came for.

Kelli: This film certainly delivers in that respect

Emily: Nothing more cathartic than watching people get eaten. Especially dumb people.

Kelli: I think the most Florida part of this movie is when she shoots the alligator from inside its own mouth.

Emily: Oh is that how ya'll roll down there?

Kelli: Yes. I will NOT let go of my gun unless an alligator completely severs my hand from my body.

Emily: #AMERICA. Speaking of America (kind of, since global warming has become so political), could one argue that this is a parable about climate change or am I going into a PhD wormhole?

Kelli: Well, I feel like one could make that claim for any man vs. nature film at this point.

Emily: True, but this one also has a hurricane. So it wins. It was a strong wind away from Gator-nado.

Kelli: True! But also like, the hurricane isn't the enemy here, it's just an obstacle. The gators are the enemy. And are they attacking BECAUSE of the hurricane? Unlikely, since the hurricane doesn't seem to affect their lives very much at all.

Emily: Well. It makes it easier for them to swim.

Kelli: Yep. And also makes it impossible for them to get help. Haley and her dad, I mean.

Emily: Seems to be a plus for the gators. Gators love the hurricane.

Kelli: Yes exactly, and Haley and her dad are doubly trapped because hurricane. Since nobody is going anywhere or doing anything until the storm passes through, which I will say was a clever premise.

Emily: Yes. We don't often see a hurricane movie where the hurricane is just a plot device and not THE plot.

Kelli: So like... did you like this movie?

Emily: Actually, like... not especially. I was really excited about seeing it because the premise was interesting to me. But then it kind of got boring quickly. And it didn't really do anything to surprise me.

Kelli: Yeah, I would agree with that. I also feel like when I first heard about this my expectations were low, and then everyone was like "actually this was good!" so then my expectations were high.

Emily: I can see why people would think it's fun. But, like, okay, objectively, this is not a good movie. Was it bad? Eh... not aggressively so. But I’m not going to remember it in a week.

Kelli: Yeah, and despite what I found to be a sort of interesting relationship, the characters themselves were not interesting. I wasn't rooting for them. I didn't care what happened to them. Except Sugar, obviously.

Emily: Yes, I just cared about Sugar, because Sugar didn’t ask for this.

Kelli: I was VERY concerned for Sugar.

Emily: I know. We didn't talk about the looters across the street at the gas station. They definitely asked to be eaten because they are stealing.

Kelli: They were also very Florida.

Emily: It was a boat full of Florida Men. Even the lady.

Kelli: Florida Man, Florida Man, and Florida Woman.

Emily: Yes.

Kelli: But like, mad respect for that one Florida Man who was holding the others up because he had to grab every last snack in the gas station.

Emily: The most Florida Man of all. I’m guessing. I’m not from Florida.

Kelli: You’d be right.

Emily: Hooray! Honorary Floridian!

Kelli: I think probably 80% of my life in Florida was spent in gas station convenience stores. It all checks out.

Emily: Hahaha. Anything else?

Kelli: Why did they hire a British person for this? STOP STEALING OUR JOBS!!!!!!!!!

Emily: Yeah Kaya go back to Skins or whatever.

Kelli: Go back to being a Skin.

Emily: Okay, cool. That’s it friends.

Kelli: And remember, when in doubt... SWIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYUUUUUUMMMMM!

Emily: Swwwwweeeeeuuuuyyyiimmmm!!!

That is all for Crawl. Did you see this movie? What did you think? And don’t forget to come back next week for MORE SPOOKTOBER! We only have two more weeks left, and I am so sad.