“This is a completely unique and original situation that’s never happened before!”

Or so says CC, when she wakes up one morning to find that she’s swapped bodies with her mom Jess (played by Jennifer Garner). I wanted to highlight this line because it was the funniest part of Netflix’s Christmas movie Family Swap. And yeah, this movie did have its share of funny moments. And if you don’t understand why this line is funny, then I guess you never saw Freaky Friday or Freaky Friday or Freaky (which is just Freaky Friday, but make it a slasher movie). The point is, yes, we have seen this idea before.

But here’s the twist. This time, as the title suggests, the whole family’s getting swapped. Daughter CC (played by Wednesday’s Emma Myers) swaps with mom Jess. Son Wyatt (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle’s Brady Noon) swaps with Dad Bill (Ed Helms). And (HORRIFYINGLY) the baby Miles swaps with the dog Pickles. Oh, also. It’s Christmas. But just how Christmas is it? Let’s run this bad boy through the Patented Christmas Movie Rating Scale and find out!

Romance: 3/10. Family Switch is not a Christmas rom com. Romance is not at the forefront of this story. But it is present… slightly. Unfortunately, because of the whole swapping bodies with family members thing going on here, there is a HUGE ick factor connected to basically all romantic interactions in this movie. So yeah, no real warm romantic moments. On the less gross side of this movie’s romance scale, we have cringe moments, and on the other side of the scale, we have an “ew is this incest” moment. So that’s… fun.

Let me explain. The “main” romance of the story involved nerdy teen Miles (he likes math! He plays Dungeons & Dragons!) who has a huge crush on his classmate Ariana. She’s beautiful and tall and also likes nerd things like comic books, but Miles is a shy guy so hasn’t really been able to make a move. While in his dad’s body, Miles strikes up a conversation with Ariana that gets uncomfortably flirty and weird (cringe). Then, Bill (in Miles’ body) decides to go to a party to flirt with Ariana and hopefully win her over for Miles (eek). THEN, Ariana attempts to kiss Bill (in Miles’ body) (ALARM) which Bill rejects (phew).

But that’s not the only romance weirdness. In one super weird scene, Jess’s friends push Jess (reminder, it’s really her daughter CC in there) to kiss her husband Bill (yep, that’s Miles) in front of them to prove they still have the spark in their marriage. Yikes. This is like incest x3. Or x4? We’ll let Miles do the math. It made me never want to kiss anyone ever again. So what’s the opposite of romance? That’s what this movie is.

Morality: 10/10. One of the strongest parts of the movie is probably its message. If you’ve seen any of the Freakys, then you probably already know where we’re headed with this. While living in Jess’s body, CC realizes just how much her mother has sacrificed to be her mom and how much her mom really loves her. In CC’s body, Jess learns to appreciate how hard CC works and how important following her dream and pursuing a career in soccer is to her.

Bill and Miles are polar opposites in that Bill was the “cool” band guy in high school and Miles is the nerdy smart kid. But after spending a few days in each other’s bodies, they both discover that the other one is way cooler than they thought. The biggest revelation? Bill gave up being in a really famous band to be a dad. And that band was named… Maroon 6. Get it?

Yeah, I will admit CC and Jess’s story arc was a lot more developed and interesting. No huge shocker here.

Now, what did the baby and the dog learn from swapping bodies? I have no idea, but the CGI used to make a baby act like a dog and a dog act like a baby will likely give me nightmares for the rest of my life.

Music: 7/10. There were a lot of needle drops in this movie, but not many Christmas songs. The only big Christmas song moment is at the end when the family bands together to sing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Other music moments in the movie focus on songs the Gen X parents will love: “Pony” by Ginuwine, “Shoop” by Salt-N-Pepa… you get the idea. (SIDE NOTE: Yes, I know other generations like these songs as well, but my point is Bill and Jess are Gen Xers, and these songs are supposed to, I think, harken back to their glory days.)

I’m giving it a 7 out of 10 because a big Christmas number where the whole family actual SINGS should count for something. And there were a few Christmas songs thrown in. But I expect more focus on Christmas songs and fewer pandering needle drop moments!

Christmas Spirit: 5/10. Y’all, here’s what I think happened. Someone had an idea for a movie where a whole family swapped around. And then a producer was like, “That’s great and all, but you know what would make this really sell? If we made it a Christmas movie.” So, without adjusting the script at all, they just threw in a few poinsettias in the background, threw a couple of Christmas songs in the soundtrack, threw in a Christmas tree at the end, and called it a day. There’s absolutely nothing about this story that makes it a Christmas story. Any Christmas elements are incidental. This could have happened at any time of year. It didn’t even have to be near a holiday.

Warmth: 8/10. I expected to dislike this movie way more than I did. Aside from the fart jokes and the scary dog and baby, this movie was really cute. The family dynamics really worked for me. Even though Ed Helms and Jennifer Garner have no chemistry with each other, they work well as the mom and dad of this family. The chemistry between Garner and Myers was especially cute. I enjoyed watching their relationship develop throughout the movie. We love to see two women learning how to mutually respect and support each other!

So how did our second movie of the season fare?

33/50 = 66%/D+. For a silly little Netflix flick, this was a pretty entertaining low-stakes weekday afternoon watch. But was it a good movie? And will I ever be able to forgive this movie for the CGI dog baby? No, and no. This also isn’t reeeally a Christmas movie, despite what some of these costumes would have you believe.

If you wanna see for yourself, Family Switch is currently streaming on Netflix. Just beware the dog baby.