Well, there were requests for another movie series, so here we are.

And while this isn’t going to be about spooky movies, I might throw in a spooky movie or two as we go along because I can’t help myself. And, hey, Black Christmas is coming out soon, sooo…

Anyway, we’re starting off this series with Last Christmas, a new entry into the holiday movie world, starring Emilia Clarke aka Khaleesi and Henry Golding aka that hot guy from Crazy Rich Asians. Also, notably, the film was written by Emma Thompson and Bryony Kimmings, and directed by Paul Feig. Sounds promising, right?

For this series, I’ve decided I’m not going to rate and review movies based on the usual way we look at and critique movies. Why? Because Christmas movies are in a category all on their own, and as such they shouldn’t be judged against, you know, normal movies, because the purpose of a Christmas movie is not the same as the purpose of a normal movie (I’m trying to fight against myself to not say “real” movie, because I guess Christmas movies are real movies… but anyway).

So I will be rating these movies on a score of 1-10 in 5 categories: Romance, Morality, Music, Christmas Spirit, and Warmth. I’ll talk a little about each of these categories as we get to them.

Romance: 6/10. Let’s dive right into the romance first and foremost, as it is one of the most obvious categories. Christmas is smack dab in the middle of cuffing season, and as such, it wouldn’t be a Christmas movie full-on if there wasn’t a bit of romance. The romance in Last Christmas is… okay. Emilia Clarke’s character Kate (or Katarina) is a hapless girl working at a Christmas store when she sees a hot dude named Tom (Henry Golding) stands outside of her shop window staring at the sky. She goes out there to see what the heck he’s looking up at and gets pooped on by a bird. Hilarity and romance ensues.

Kind of. I didn’t really see a whole lot of chemistry between these two, despite how hot they both are individually. And they barely even cuddle in the movie. What’s worse, you never really find out much about Tom, so it’s hard to see him as a romantic lead when he’s not even much of a character. He is a manic pixie dream boy in the realest sense of the word. But also… they were kind of sweet together. So this earns a middling grade in the romance category.

Morality: 7/10. The next big category is morality, because you can’t have a Christmas movie without a heavy-handed message behind it. This movie has a few. First of all, there’s that very pervasive Christmassy message of making the most out of the life you have and appreciating the people who love you. You can’t really escape that. And it was cute, and it worked. More surprisingly, this movie tried to cover the issue of Brexit. Which was… a strange turn for a Christmas movie. But you know, I appreciated the effort. At the same time, I found it strange that a movie about Brexit featured very British people (Emma Thompson and Emilia Clarke) playing immigrants. But they tried.

Music: 10/10. 99.999999% of the reason I went to see this movie is because it’s based on my favorite Christmas song of all time, Wham’s “Last Christmas.” As such, this song features heavily in the movie. And I was here for every iteration of it. In addition, the rest of the soundtrack was all George Michael bops. Here. For. It. Perfect soundtrack. A+.

Christmas Spirit: 9/10. So for spoilery reasons I’m not going to fully get into here, this movie was a bit dour for a Christmas movie. Yes, there were Christmas ornaments everywhere and the big ending was a spirited talent show in which Emilia Clarke belts out “Last Christmas” to a crowd of her friends and homeless people while wearing a charming elf outfit decked in Christmas lights. And still. There was sadness underneath all of it. I’m not going to fault it too much for that, though, because I am a sad fucking person so I thrive in this kind of dour shit. But I know some people are going to walk out of this movie thinking, “Well, that wasn’t very Christmassy.” So for those assholes, I’m docking a point.

Warmth: 10/10. Warmth is going to be my catch-all category for all those other warm fuzzy Christmas movie moments that defy the other categories. In this movie, the warmth comes from the strong performances, especially those from Emilia Clarke, Henry Golding, and Michelle Yeoh (who plays a character named Santa, for real). It also comes from the strong sense of family in this movie. And the fact that Kate really learns to love herself in a way that made me go, “Aw, that’s nice.” Again, I can’t say more than that without giving away the movie, but for me, this movie had a lot of heart. And what it lacked in unpredictability or an actual good story line, it made up for in sheer genuine warmth.

Total Score: 42/50 = 84%/B. As an actual movie, Last Christmas is probably a C-. But as a Christmas movie, which I think we’ve all agreed has to be rated on a different scale, this one is a solid B. Now let’s all go listen to Wham and think about how stupid Brexit is. Merry Christmas!