Folks, Christmas was exactly one month ago, so what a perfect time to wrap up our 12 Days of Christmas movies series! For our final Christmas movie of the season, we’re talking about Silent Night. This is an action movie directed by John Woo and starring Joel Kinnaman as Brian Godlock. One Christmas, Brian is playing with his son in his front yard when a couple of speeding cars drive by and his son gets caught in the crossfire and is shot and killed. Now, one Christmas later, Brian is out for revenge.

This movie marks John Woo’s return to American film for the first time since 2003’s Paycheck, but to me, the director really peaked with the 1997 classic film Face/Off. There’s also a 2021 Christmas film called Silent Night that I really enjoyed. So how will Silent Night live up to these other movies? Well…

Romance: 2/10. Well… I mean, there is a married couple in this movie. And I think they hug one time. Something you should know about this movie is that there are no lines in it. Nobody talks to each other. At one point, Brian’s wife texts him to ask where her keys are, but those are the only words exchanged between the two of them.

Because get it? This movie is called SILENT Night. So no one talks. At the beginning of the movies, the “bad guys” shoot Brian in the neck, destroying his vocal chords, so he can’t speak. So the whole concept of the movie is expressed through the art of guns and violence.

Morality: 0/10. So the whole movie is about Brian learning how to shoot guns and do more pull-ups so he can kill the men who killed his son. Of course, there’s not talking about feelings or dealing with conflict through words, because as I said, the movie is called SILENT Night. You get it? It’s conceptual.

It also leaves absolutely zero room for nuance. All of the gangster characters are very generic, verging on racist stereotypes. We get zero character development for anyone, including our main character Brian. The movie ends with Brian getting his revenge, and… I guess that’s it. Not sure what the message is.

Music: 5/10. No talking in this movie, but there is music, including some Christmas music. Not very inspiring, but it was there.

Christmas Spirit: 5/10. At the beginning of the movie, Brian is running around in a bloody reindeer sweater. And there are some random Christmas lights around. And there are some shots of a calendar noting that it is in fact December. So it’s a bit Christmassy, I guess.

It’s clear, however, that the real reason this movie is set during the Christmas holidays is simply so that they can call it Silent Night. Everything in this movie is all about the gimmick. And it’s an annoying one. You know how frustrating it is when you watch a movie and just think about how much simpler things would be if the characters would just communicate? Now imagine if no one communicated anything at all? I’m not exaggerating when I say this movie was a complete nightmare. A SILENT nightmare.

Warmth: 0/10. Are you kidding me? No one talks.

Not a lot to say about this one, friends. I hated it. I’m sure this kind of movie is great for some people, but those people suck. All action sequences with absolutely no talking and no character development sounds like complete garbage to me. Just watch Face/Off instead. What a great film that is.

I mean talk about character development! What a perfect movie. I could go on… about Face/Off.

Okay, but fine. Let’s see how this one scored.

12/50 = 24%. This was less than a quarter of a good Christmas movie. Seriously. I hated it. So much.

What a way to end the 2023 Christmas movie season! I guess I have to put my tree away now.