Welcome back Are You The One fans! I am so excited to be recapping this episode because this one was SO GOOD and I had to watch it multiple times just to make sure I didn’t miss out on any of the action for you. We’ve got betrayals. We’ve got scavenger hunts. We’ve got unicorn costumes. We’ve got Trump supporter Cam dancing around in a leaf skirt (see above). Really, this episode has a little something for everyone.

But let’s take a deep breath and start from the beginning. Remember last week when we ended half way through the Match Up Ceremony? Cali came up with a good plan for figuring out some of the matches in this house. Just to recap, they got four beams last time. So this week, everyone stayed the same and they switched up two of the couples. If they got four beams, that means the two couples who were switched are not matches. If they got two, that means those two couples are definitely matches. It’s not difficult math, but for some reason these idiots in this house don’t understand why this is such a good idea. Trust me though. I’m smart. It’s a good idea. So let’s see how it turned out.

Let’s just get right to it, guys. They get four beams again, which means “power couples” Tomas and Cali and Cam and Kayla are NOT MATCHES. Asia is pissed.

The sheer stupidity here really gets me fired up in not a good way. My notes from the episode are just a slew of curse words at this point. Asia is being dumb as fuck, because she’s acting pissed that they spent a Match Up Ceremony proving that these two couples aren’t matches. But then she goes on to complain about how Cam and Kayla haven’t made any effort to talk to anyone else in the house. EXACTLY, you dumb bitch. Now that they know they’re not a match, they’re going to be forced to talk to other people, which gets you guys closer to finding all the matches. Wow, the level of dumbassery is at an all time high.

At least Tevin and Kenya know the plan worked. Now they know that they are probably a match. Because I guess they understand math. Thank goodness.

Kayla is blubbering and squealing in unintelligible sentences because Cam isn’t her match. But, hey, at least Cam isn’t your match? No? Not a silver lining? Sorry, boo.

By the way, this wasn’t the only drama happening during the Match Up Ceremony. Zak also admitted to making out with Bria during their date. You know, the date where he was supposed to be with Nutsa (LOL yeah right) because he and Bria are already a confirmed no-match? Yeah, that date. Well, Morgan, who is currently hooking up with Zak, was surprisingly not pleased with this revelation.

So after the ceremony, Morgan sits Zak down and tells him she’s not cool with the way he’s treating her, and this is what he tells her…

Ah yes, while making no eye contact with her whatsoever. He also says he doesn’t want to make Morgan upset because it makes him feel like a dick. Um, how about how it makes HER feel, Zak? It’s a huge red flag that you don’t like disrespecting Morgan because of the way it makes YOU feel about yourself. Let’s see how long this promise lasts.

Let’s check on our other confirmed no-match Cali and Tomas, shall we? Tomas is heart broken that Cali isn’t his match. Meanwhile, Cali says to him, “Yeah it sucks… maybe Danny is my match. Or some other dude…” Like, she’s over Tomas already and the tears haven’t even dried yet. This is so heartless. I’m throwing her in the “Piece of Shit” basket along with Kwasi and Zak. More on Cali later. Trust me.

Meanwhile, the dudes pull sweet Moe aside for an intervention. Moe is not hitting on any of the girls in the house, and the guys are all concerned that he’s never going to find his match if he keeps focusing on cooking and cleaning rather than putting the moves on the girls. Moe says he knows what girls likely AREN’T his match, but he’s not feeling comfortable in this environment. Lewis is like, “This isn’t my environment either. I ain’t be in the house with 10 men.” Fair point.

Moe says he feels like women don’t understand his culture or why he is the way he is. He thinks Kayla might be his match. I feel like the way this is being edited makes it seem like Kayla is likely his match. I am here for it.

One of my favorite segments of this episode was Samantha’s scavenger hunt for Danny, which ended with her waiting for him in bed (see above). This is so cute, even though it’s clearly a ploy to get us emotionally invested in them as a couple so that we’ll be more upset about what happens later (FORESHADOWING). But anyway, Danny is so excited for this scavenger hunt. He runs around the house looking for clues and says, ““The camera guy’s following me now? I can’t fuck this up. I’m not even going to drink this beer. I have a big dilemma on my hands.” Hehe.

Sam gushes about Danny: “He’s just so sweaty and he smells bad and I just love it.” How… sweet?

The Fate Button

Okay, it’s FATE BUTTON time. And this week, we’re back to all-random. The house is really hoping they can get a real couple in the Truth Booth this time, so the pressure is on. Kwasi, Tevin, Kenya, and Morgan get chosen. Obviously Morgan is not super excited about going on a date with Kwasi again, but the house is excited to get Tevin and Kenya into that booth.

But first! Before the date even happens, Terrence announces that they will be having a party tonight to explore all of the options in the house. Everyone gets so excited, but I’m like… how is that really different from any other night in the house? Couldn’t you do this whenever you wanted? It’s all the same people? IDK, y’all. Either way, shit is about to go down. Are you ready?

Moe is getting ready for this party by shaving his back. Everyone is dressing up. I’m unsure of what the theme is because there are all sorts of random costumes happening. A lot of girls are dressed up as unicorns. Some bitches are just wearing lingerie and a lot of glitter. We have dudes in grass skirts. Danny’s dressed like a lion. I don’t know. Things are getting crazy and the drinking hasn’t even started yet.

At the party, Kwasi and Jasmine are feeling each other. Which is fine because Jasmine seems into Kwasi’s macho performance. Jasmine says, “I feel so blessed to be this little trophy that he can show around.” Yay, feminism!

Cam is being a freak on the dance floor. Let’s see that footage again:

Get it, Cam.

You know who else is being a freak on the dance floor? Cali. But not in a good way. She’s clearly sloppy drunk and her hoe is coming out. She is grinding on everyone and anyone. Obviously, because Zak is a total piece of shit, he is loving this. He says, “The Cali I’m seeing now is so much different than the Cali I’ve been seeing in previous weeks… we have such a genuine connection. It hasn’t been physical yet, but I wouldn’t mind taking it a set further.” So much for NOT KISSING ANYONE ELSE. How many hours did that take?

So yeah, Zak tries to make out with Cali RIGHT IN FRONT OF MORGAN AND TOMAS. Like, they’re literally right there and can hear everything he’s saying to her. Zak tells Cali (again, let me stress this, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MORGAN) that she’s exactly what he needs. Morgan walks up to Zak and says, “Oh, Cali’s what you need, and not me?”

Time for Nutsa to step in and drop some wisdom.

Nutsa shouts over to Morgan, “MORGAN, LOVE YOURSELF, BIIIITCH. CAUSE NO ONE ELSE IS GONNA DO THAT FOR YOU.” Dancing up on Nutsa, Lewis says, “TELL EM, NUTS.” Love them.

In another editing move that makes it seem like Moe and Kayla are most definitely a match, we now turn to a sweet moment between the two where Moe sincerely tells Kayla that he’s feeling her and thinks she’s his match. She says that’s sweet, but she’s still not over Cam. Maybe Moe needs to put on a little leaf skirt and jiggle around too.

Ugh. Back to Cali, still causing drama. Now she and Danny are dancing up on each other. In case you were uncertain about how Sam might feel about it, Asia breaks it down for us:

Yeah, Samantha is not happy. Lewis goes to her to comfort her, because these two have a really sweet relationship with one another. Lewis tells her, “You look so cute, and you got that ass out, and you’re pretty with your little unicorn horn.” This is such an A+ compliment, but it’s not enough to calm Sam down, not when her man is miming sex moves with another woman right in front of her.

And now for something TRULY hilarious. Bria, of all people, is trying to tell Samantha to calm down. I love how Bria is telling Sam to get her shit together and not react. Like for real girl? Have you watched the past 10 episodes? Do I need to roll some clips of you losing your shit? They won’t be hard to find.

Finally, Samantha drinks enough alcohol to confront Cali. Here’s what she says: “Do you think it’s okay for you to rub your vagina on my guy’s dick? Yes or no, bitch? I’ll beat your ass. I know where you fucking live, bitch.”

Where is the lie?

I know it kind of ruins a joke if you have to explain it, but I’mma do it anyway. Look, it’s really hilarious that Samantha tells Cali that she knows where she lives because… uh, they live in the same house. Okay, I ruined it. Sorry.

BUT! The freak-outs aren’t over. Tevin is chatting with Jasmine. So in case you forgot, Tevin and Jasmine hooked up, so Kenya’s a little upset that they’re talking to one another because, like, IDK, they had sex, I guess. It seems a little dramatic, TBH. Kenya is drunk AF. She drops the L-Bomb.

Girl needs to calm down and drink some water.

The Date

The next day, everyone seems SUUPER hungover. Samantha is trying her hardest not to look Cali in the face. These poor motherfuckers are about to have to drive ATVs around while being hungover AF. I’m assuming a lot of vomiting happened on this date, but thankfully Mtv cut that part from the show.

I’m sitting here watching Tevin and Kenya drink orange juice and chat on their date, and all I can focus on is how skinny Kenya’s arms are because their conversation is super boring. Seriously, for two people who have already managed to fuck around on each other, this couple is boring as hell. I have never been too keen on either of them, but in this moment I have decided that I hate them and they deserve each other.

Kenya tells Tevin that sometimes he can be TOO friendly with other people. Tevin, in a move to evoke Georgia from this season of Love Island, tells Kenya, “You know me, I’m loyal, babe.”

Shout out to my Love Island lovers! I see you.

The Truth Booth

Surprise! Despite some members of the house trying to sabotage common sense once more, Tevin and Kenya are voted into the Truth Booth.

And the results?

Well, you’ll have to wait for the next episode to find out. But spoiler: they are 100% a match because MATH. Math is magical, people.

Are You Moe?

Surprise! Moe is still the best in the house, and I 100% believe he and Kayla are a match. I’m here for it. Kayla is a sweet girl, and she deserves someone who will actually treat her with respect, because she’s clearly NEVER had that before. And that makes me sad.

My runners up for best people in the house this week are Nutsa and Lewis for their awesome color commentary during the party. Keep on keeping on, guys.

Y’all, this episode was a treat. 11/10, would recommend. Until next time!