Heads Up: I’m irritated with Are You the One? this week.

Did they give us a lot of drama? Sure. Was it a lot of the same stuff we’ve already seen? Yes. On top of that, this was just a continuation of last week. So we get the end of the Under the Sea party and we go into the Match Up Ceremony and that’s really all there was to this episode. So with that in mind, rather than bringing you your regularly scheduled recap, let’s just cover everything that’s STILL going on in this episode of Are You the One?

Nour is STILL Yelling

Nour is taking out all of her anger on Jasmine because Kai is too busy to listen to her right now. Jasmine is right in asserting that she’s done nothing wrong. Jasmine rightfully points out thatKai’s been in the Boom Boom Room with everyone, so if Nour has a problem with that, she should take that up with Kai.

I don’t know if I’ve made this clear, so let me just say it again for the people in the back row. Nour sucks. Granted, Kai sucks too so maybe they deserve each other, but Nour blowing up about Kai sleeping around when she knew that about him going into this relationship is just WAY out of line. And she is only making herself look stupid.

When Kai finally does sit down with Nour, he explains to her that no one in this house is wifed up. He was direct with her and told her he was going to pursue both her and Jasmine. He never lied about that. Nour does not care. She’s still pissed and calls Kai a fuckboy. She says, “Don’t underestimate this just because I’m in a mermaid suit, bitch.” Which is the “I know where you live, bitch” of this season, as far as I’m concerned. Unsurprisingly, this line was uttered during a similar episode during a similar confrontation.

Kai Still Sucks

While we’re on the subject of Kai, he sucks. Kai compared himself to a teen boy in an earlier episode, and like a teen boy, he is obnoxiously drunk and says dumb things all the time.

So, for instance, Kai gets drunk at the Under the Sea party and tells Jenna he’s still madly in love with her. The next morning, Kai tells Jasmine that she’s probably his match. As Danny pointed out last week and this week, Kai just says whatever he needs to say to make people feel special without worrying about taking any sort of emotional responsibility for the way he’s making people feel. I don’t know why anyone’s buying it or why they care because he says this shit while looking like he’s about to pass out and vomit at the same time (see gif above), but that’s another story.

So Basit, being the real counselor of the house (bye, Dr. Frankie, you are pointless), decides it’s up to them to clean up Kai’s mess. Basit tries to sit down with Kai. They tell him, “You must understand what you look like right now and sound like.” But Kai doesn’t want to hear it. He says, “I don’t want to sit there and have you read me. I don’t feel like it today.” And he walks away. So much for a counseling session with Basit to set him straight.

Justin also thinks it high time Kai changes his player ways. Justin says to Kai, “multiple people in this house have one thing in common: how you make them feel.” He says Kai’s been weighing his own personal gain over the feelings of others. Very true. But does Kai change? No.

Danny is Still Sad and Alone

What the heck is wrong with people on dating shows? On Bachelor in Paradise, everyone is sleeping on the best dude on the beach Wills. And on Are You the One, everyone is ignoring my sweet Danny. Danny says the house is turning into this weird cat and dog race where everyone is chasing everyone and he knows he can’t force anyone to chase him, but it still grinds him down sometimes. THIS IS A CRYING SHAME.

Listen y’all. Danny is the catch of this house. He’s tall. He’s cute. He’s smart. He’s nerdy. He’s sensitive. He’s funny. He likes musical theater. He’s introspective. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

And the worst part? Everyone is beginning to think Danny and Kai might be a match. What has Danny done to deserve this? I really hope it’s not so, because Danny deserves BETTER.

Max is Still Jealous AF

You know I ship Jax until there’s no tomorrow, and according to previews, we will find out next week once and for all if Justin and Max are a match. I really hope they are, but if they are, I hope Max can get over his jealousy and that Justin can stay true to his boy.

There was a lot of talk last week about Amber and Justin hooking up this week, and thankfully nothing really major came of that.

I mean just lookie here as Amber tries to move in on Justin and Justin not-so-subtly pushes her away. Yes, sure, Justin was grinding and making out with people at the party, but so was everyone. At the end of the day, it seems like Justin only has eyes for Max now and wants to stay true to his word. I really hope this works out.

Remy is Still Pursuing Paige

During the party, Remy is literally chasing Paige around crying to her, “Paige can I ask you one thing? Can you break my heart?” He’s got it bad. Paige is playing hard to get, but she also seems like she could be interested. Later, she confesses to the cameras that Remy could be her match. Remy tells her, “You’re fucking magic, and I am a patient man.”

The next day, to try to make things right with Remy, Paige sets up an impromptu ice cream date for her and Remy. As she prepares the ice cream, Basit encourages her by singing about it. Aw. This is cute.

Jonathan is Still Bringing the Romance with Basit

I still don’t like Jonathan because I don’t know that I believe that he’s suddenly turned into a deeper more sensitive person. HOWEVER. I do appreciate that he’s making an effort with Basit now. And Basit seems very happy.

To bring on the romance this week, Jonathan gives Basit a massage with oils. He tells them, “Each day I wake up and you’re right there and I look at you, I’m just thankful and grateful that you gave me an opportunity to be a part of your experience here.”

Basit says, “I watched you transform for something you believe in and something that you care about, and I can’t say that many people in my life have done that for me.” We’ll have to see if this transformation is real. I hope for Basit’s sake it is.

Basit says they’ve been single for so long because they’ve had to compromise who they are for other people. That was so sad to hear, but also I think it shows that Baist is not here for the bullshit. If Jonathan turns out to not be the real deal, Basit would rather be alone than be with someone who won’t appreciate them.

They Still Only Get 3 Beams at the Match Up Ceremony

Here’s how it goes down:

Kari picks Remy

• Kari says, “Remy’s really fucking mean, but he does stand for what he believes in and he does stand up for other people.”

• Remy says he would’ve preferred Paige

Kai picks Jasmine

Justin picks Max

Jonathan picks Basit

Nour picks Kylie

Danny and Amber

Paige and Jenna

And yeah… they only get 3 Beams. One of those beams is Brandon and Aasha, the confirmed match that has been whisked off to the honeymoon suite. So.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it this week. I have no standout person to point out this week because nothing happened this week. As you can see. Here’s hoping next week brings us a lot more information! And here’s hoping Jax is a perfect match! Eeeeep!