Hello, and welcome to another week of Are You the One? recapping. Sorry this one is late, ladies and gents and everyone in between. I was doing a bit of my own celebrating over the long 4th of July weekend and I didn’t get a chance to watch this amazing show until yesterday. But I’m back and ready to give these lovely people in search of love my full and undivided attention. So let’s just dive right in to the episode…

We begin where we left off last week: the aftermath of the first Match Up Ceremony in which this awesome crew got two beams, which I have to say is pretty good, considering there was an over 50% chance they would black out on their first try. How is the team feeling? Nour has decided Amber is 100% her perfect match. Kai says she’s upset she didn’t get to sit with Jenna because now they don’t know anything about . whether they’re a match or not.

And in wake of the Match Up Ceremony, a new love square has emerged…

Some of our players from last week are reprising their roles. Jonathan and Justin are back. Max has fully emerged as a member of the latest love square. And joining us for the first time is Basit. Welcome, Basit.

After the Match Up ceremony, Max and Justin have a nice chat over shots. Max asks Justin if he thinks he and Jonathan are a match. Justin says, “I wasn’t disappointed that you chose me.”

Meanwhile, outside, Basit and Jonathan, who sat together during the Match Up Ceremony, are having a nice talk. Basit says they can’t deal with hyper-masculine dudes anymore. Jonathan says he’s not traditionally attracted to non-binary people. Basit’s got a look on their face like, “Oh, ok.” Basically, Jonathan is still pining after Justin. Boy, he’s still not interested.

Inside, Justin is going after Max hard. But Max is being a major douche. Max is like, “Can I just play games and act like I don’t want to when you know I do.” Max sounds like that football player who is like, “I’m not straight but I fuck guys.” How did he get on this show with that kind of attitude is what I want to know.

Justin straight up asks him, "Are we going to continue? Are we proceed with this connection?” And Max is straight up like “no.” That’s it. Just “no.” Poor Justin. This is the SECOND EPISODE IN A ROW where he’s been full out rejected.

Let’s break up this tension and get Terrence J in the house! Because it’s CHALLENGE TIME! Y’all have I mentioned how fucking PUMPED I am that the challenges are back? It’s like it’s a real MTV show again.

Here’s a little aside, but it’s something that’s been bugging me: why is Terrence J called Terrence J? He’s the only Terrence in the house. Why not just Terrence?

Anyway, the challenge this week is a relationship quiz game. Terrence will read them the definition of different relationship words and they’ll have to correctly identify which word it is. Y’all, this game made me feel old AF. I thought that as a teacher, I was good at keeping up with all the young people lingo, but I didn’t know the answer to most of these questions. MTV could have made them up for all I know. I wouldn’t have known the difference. #MillenialsAreOldNow #TimeToRetire

Anyway, every time someone gets an answer right, they choose a piece of trash (they’re all dog toys, tbh) to put in their basket. Whoever gets two pieces of trash first wins. Is it just me, or is the trash part of this game completely unnecessary? Could they not just have kept count? Is it that hard to count to TWO?

Justin is the first one to grab a piece of trash. He grabs a toy donut because he “likes them holes.” He is the first winner. Remy is the second winner.

In a fun twist, both dudes get to pick two dates. They both end up picking one person they’ve clearly been vibing with and one rando. Justin picks Jonathan and Jasmine. Remy picks Brandon and Paige.

Uh… Max is really sad Justin didn’t pick him. But can we rewind to five minutes earlier in the show when Justin straight up asked him if he was interested in pursuing a relationship? And Max flat out said: “No.” Remember that? “No.” That is a direct quote.

Anyway, that night they play Truth or Dare. And unsurprisingly, shit gets freaky.

Here are some revelations from the evening’s Truth or Dare events: Danny says Jenna is his perfect match. Jonathan says his #1 is Justin and his #2 is Brandon — he says he’s into big masculine guys. Obviously, Basit is hurt by this. Kai is asked to make out with his second choice. He chooses Kari.

On with the date! After a night of drinking, six lucky contestants are off on their romantic threesome dates. And it’s time for more of the same, with Jonathan clearly pining after Justin and Justin showing no interest whatsoever. Jonathan makes clear indications that he wants to kiss Justin, and when Justin makes no reciprocal moves, Jonathan goes in for the kill. It’s real awkward. Justin literally recoils. But he says he’s flattered ouch.

Back at the house, the kiddos are trying to decide which twosome to send into the Truth Booth this time around. It’s down to Remy and Brandon or Jonathan and Justin. The clear smart answer here would be Remy and Brandon because they sat together in the last Match Up Ceremony. This will give us more information.

Max is off in the corner pining after the one that got away: Justin. Max says he knows deep down that Justin is still into him and it’s his fault that he’s on a date with someone else. Ya blew it, bruh.

Back at the date spot, Justin and Jasmine are talking about their coming out stories. Jasmine tells Justin she came out when she was 14. Justin says he doesn’t really have a coming out story because as a bi man, he has been able to suppress one side of himself and date women. There seems to be a lot of that denial energy with the men in comparison to the women, yeah? Do we blame the patriarchy?

Paige and Remy are also chatting and realizing they’re polar opposites in a lot of ways. Paige says she’s never been in a real relationship — she’s very different than Remy as fair as how she views sex and relationships. Although Remy has been advertising himself as the slut of the house, he says he’s also capable of intimacy and love and that he’s not a “sex robot.”

Anyhow. It’s TROOF BOOF time. The house was smart and voted Brandon and Remy into the booth. They go in and… NO MATCH. I must say MTV totally fooled me because before they went to commercial break, they showed someone clapping. I figured if they were clapping, it must be a match. But of course, knowing they’re not a match is good news for everyone else who sat together that week. It’s all the more likely now that one of those other couples is one of the two beams. If you’re in one of those couples, this is excellent news.

There’s little drama here from this NO MATCH, so let’s move on. Digging his grave a little bit deeper with Basit, Jonathan takes Basit to the said and tells him, “Hey, I want to talk to you about Danny.”

Basit’s like, “talk to me about me and Danny.”

Jonathan’s like, “I think Danny is your match.”

Basit says, “You coming at me with Danny being my match sounds really contrived.”

Danny, sweet baby angel that he is, witnesses all of this and reflects later in confessional: “I think what’s really happening is Jonathan is not as woke as Basit is.”

Of Jonathan, Basit says, “He’s using physical attraction as a barrier to keep himself from having a connection with me.”

Jonathan’s like “When I say physical attraction, I don’t mean ripped abs. That’s what a simple mind things.”

Basit’s like, “I guess I’m simple then.” Ouch.

He’s crying. Sweet baby of my heart Kylie tries to come talk to him and he tells her to leave him alone.

Basit says “I just want to feel seen and loved and accepted by everyone and I’ve never experienced that in my life.”

I mean, I feel for Basit and all. But honestly? Who among us has felt seen and loved and accepted by EVERYONE? Seems like a tall order. Dream smaller, sweetie.

Dr. Frankie arrives! And the shitting on Basit continues. Jonathan tries to explain what’s going on between him and Basit and he constantly refers to Basit as “he.” Basit corrects him and says “I have told you I prefer THEY and THEM.” He explains, “When I hear people calling me ‘he,’ I hear people saying what they think they see of me and not what I see in myself.” 

You would think on a gender fluid season, the men would be a little more woke. But they’re just as shitty as they are on the normal seasons of this show.

And speaking of shitty dudes… Max takes Justin aside and says he’s ready to have a grown up conversation with him.

Max explains, “I feel like I freind-zoned you because I came from a place of insecurity and fear.” YA THINK? Max says he’s not comfortable with his sexuality and has never really been. I guess when I asked last week what that meant, we’re starting to see now what that truly means. Max comes out and says, “I want you.” (see GIF)

Justin says, “I spent time exploring other options because of what happened between us, so I can’t just dump those.” Yes, girl. You tell him. Justin is open to exploring his connection with Max, but he’s still keeping his options open. I would too. Max is on my bad side until further notice.

MATCH UP CEREMONY TIME! Let’s just get into it shall we? Quick and dirty:

Kai picks Jenna.

Basit picks Jonathan, despite Jonathan being a turd face. Basit says, “the real issue is that Jonathan is stuck in Florida.” In other words, Jonathan is conservative backwoods people. I guess Basit feels confident he can get this dude out of that Florida mindset. Good luck.

Justin picks Jasmine. Clearly, he’s not ready to forgive and forget what Max did.

Amber picks Nour.

Kylie picks Kari.

Brandon picks Aasha.

Remy picks Danny.

Max and Paige are left. They pick each other.

I’m so proud for my boy Danny that he didn’t end up being last. Just saying. Danny, you deserve good things.

And the number of perfect matches is… STILL TWO! Are the other lights broken?

Jenna decides there’s no way she an Paige are a match. IDK how that works as far as with the beams, but as far as them as people, yes I would agree they’re not a match. So who are the matches?

I’m going to stick with Nour and Amber from last week because I believe in doubling down until proven otherwise. I’m ride or die like that.

My other couple is going to be… Brandon and Aasha. Just because for me to keep correct on previous predictions, this is the only couple that works. Also, they both seem pretty chill and they would make beautiful babies together. #heteronormativity

Are You Emily’s One?

This week, I’m going with Danny Prikazsky. Because, let’s be real, if I were on the show, this is the dude I would be going after. He’s nerdy and tall and he spouts off random facts like “Did you know you can’t see color in your peripheral vision?” Also he seems to get along with everyone and he seems like a nice, chill dude. Danny, you might be my perfect match.

What did you think of this week’s episode? Lemme know, and I’ll see you next week on our normal recap day. Bye bye!