Emily: Hello, friends. It’s week 4, and by the end of this episode, we’ll already be down to 6 guys. I can’t believe it. What a short season. And I think at this point, we can be pretty confident about who the final four are going to be. But we’ll get to that later. 

Before we get started, another oops on the points from last week. We forgot to give out rose ceremony points, so just to back it up for a second, 3 points for Aaron B for getting the first rose. 3 points to Tanner for getting the final rose.

On that note, let’s get into this episode. They’re in Washington! Which is where I live! How exciting! They’re all acting very excited about Washington. Brayden says being in Washington is a vibe and he loves hiking. This is accurate. All people do in Washington is hike or talk about hiking.

Bonnie: Jesse tells us there are a lot of bigfoot sightings in this area. Maybe the most in the country????? Hiking with the possibility of seeing Bigfoot is definitely a vibe. Brayden probably chose these large earrings in an attempt to attract Bigfoot. He is ready to get in this Washington wilderness.

Emily: The first date card goes to Dotun (20 points), and the card says, “Let’s leap into love,” so you know immediately they’re going to have to jump from a high place. Charity arrives to pick Dotun up in a yellow jeep and, surprise, she looks cute. I love seeing these cute cold-weather outfits in the middle of summer. It makes me long for better times. Charity tells Dotun she will be driving. Charity always wants to drive, which I love for feminism, but I can’t relate. I hate driving.

Bonnie: Same. If this was my journey we’d be taking the train everywhere. Not a car in sight.

Back at the hotel, Brayden doesn’t understand all these guys talking about how they have strong feelings for Charity when half of them haven’t even had a 1:1 with her. How can they TRULY know her if they aren’t aware that her favorite color is blue???? That is a very Love Island question, and I actually would LOVE to see Brayden on Love Island. Can someone make this happen? Once again, Brayden is talking sense and nonsense at the same time. Sean is driving Brayden insane, and honestly … same. We get an A+ impression of Sean, and Brayden compares him to Prince Charming from Shrek. Accurate. Brayden is saying all the true things you’re not allowed to say on this show. I give him 1pt for saying the unsayable truths, and 1pt for making me think of Love Island. 

Emily: Dotun and Charity are in Stevenson, Washington. I just looked this up, and it’s actually way closer to Portland than it is to Seattle, so they might as well be in Oregon. Boo. But whatever. They’re going to go bungee jumping, but Dotun says he is very afraid of heights. In fact, he says, “One of my biggest heights is fears,” which I thought was really adorable. So 2 points to Dotun for being cute. He says he messed up his words because he’s so nervous.

Bonnie: NEVER tell anyone in casting or production your TRUE greatest fears, unless you want to be forced to face them. Bungee jumping is the worst-case scenario to me. At least it doesn’t seem like they were upside down the whole time, but still. Bouncing around like that? No thank you. I’d pick skydiving any day. Dotun is staying strong for Charity, and then they take the leap! After that first jump, Dotun feels like he’s on top of the world. The adrenaline is going, and they do another jump. They’re clearly having a lot of fun together. It’s really cute, and ALMOST made bungee jumping seem appealing. Dotun gets a kiss after their second jump (2 points). They see a rainbow. <3 

Emily: Back at the lodge, the dudes are gossiping. Joey and Aaron are chatting inside about Brayden and what happened at the cocktail party last week. Aaron says he said something to Charity about Brayden because he wants to protect her, not because Brayden is competition. Besides, Aaron says Charity already knows Brayden has been shady. My thing is… exactly. Charity already knows Brayden is being shady, so just let her take care of it and you just focus on you.

Bonnie: Joey is grateful to Aaron for telling Charity about Brayden……probably because he knows it benefits him, while also keeping his name out of the mud. I thought it was funny that this probably made Aaron feel better about telling her, when really…..it was a fuck up. 1 point to Aaron for continuing the talk shit and keeping the drama alive.

Outside we see Brayden is talking to Xavier about how Aaron snaked him behind his back, and was trying to make him look bad to Charity. 1 point to Brayden for continuing the talk shit and keep the drama alive. Brayden expresses that he wishes Charity could stop being The Bachelorette for one moment. I assume he means he wants her to be more relaxed with less pressure to be perfect? Maybe I’m being too generous. While there is a lot of pressure on you as The Bachelorette, I think Charity is still being herself. She can’t help it if she’s PERFECT! The way these two conversations were cut together was truly inspired editing. Thank you production!

Emily: It’s time for the group date card, and NO ONE wants to be on it. Tanner says he hopes he gets the 1-on-1, to which I say LOL GOOD LUCK DUDE! But dream big. Anyway, the card shows up and it says “Meet Me in the Woods.” Going on the date are Joey, Aaron, Yacht Michael, Caleb, Brayden, Sean, John, and…Tanner. Which means our Knitting King Xavier is getting the one-on-one date. Yay. 20 points to him.

Bonnie: Back to the cutest date of the season so far. Dotun and Charity are roasting marshmallows. Dotun expresses to the camera that he thinks Charity is his person, and he wants to let Charity know. He tells Charity that she helped him get through the bungee jumping experience. She kept moving forward, and he kept him moving forward. Dotun talks about coming to America when he was 4 because of a special lottery visa his aunt told his mom about. Without that phone call from his aunt he would be a completely different person, and wouldn’t be there with Charity. His parents struggled a lot, and things haven’t been easy, but he’s so thankful to be where he is today. This isn’t quite a sob story, but it’s still giving her a lot of insight into who he is as a person, so I’m still giving it 5pts. 

Charity opens up to him about developing an achiever mindset because she felt it was necessary growing up in an area where she was one of the few black kids. She felt pressure to break out of the box that people put her in. Now she’s gotten to a place where she feels comfortable to just be herself. Dotun doesn’t think Charity can be put in a box. Charity is EVERYTHING. Dotun says he’s also felt like people put him in a box, and have certain expectations of who he is. Charity thanks him for always opening his heart to her, and says she feels really good around him. Things feel natural, and not forced. He says he feels the same. They KISSSSSSSSSSS. Charity is getting lots of confirmation that he might be her person. She gives him the rose. They kiss more. Dotun calls her his perfect match to the camera. They get into a hot tub (5 points), and are snuggling. Dotun is so grateful and lucky that forces brought him and Charity together. So much kissing on this date.

Emly: It’s time for the group date, and all the guys are hiking in the woods. All of the guys are bundled up in coats and such, but not Brayden. Brayden says he’s in his element and he will not be wearing a coat. In fact, he plans to take off more and more clothing as the evening goes on to assert his dominance.

Bonnie: Not going to lie, when it’s cold out, and I’m the only person not freezing….I do get a tiny sense of superiority. This feeling melts away when it’s hot outside, and I’m the only person who looks like they just got out of the pool. All the guys are in flannel cabin inspired looks except for Michael who is in a long coat for some reason. He is used to being on yachts, so maybe he just doesn’t do the mountain aesthetic. Brayden on the other hand already has a walking stick. He is READY.

Charity says she’s bringing in some wilderness survival experts to help her with this date. Three girl scouts emerge from the woods. Tanner is PSYCHED, and says he sees himself as a girl dad. I didn’t feel anything about Tanner until this moment. Tanner wins +2 girl dad points. The other men seem a little more wary. Sean seems especially concerned that they might be demons. The girls tell them their mission is to go into the woods, and find something for them to eat that’s not dirt, twigs, or grass.

Emily: Charity says she’s not looking for who’s best at the activity. Clearly she’s just looking for whoever she thinks is hot. The guys are all taking this “seriously” though. 

Bonnie: The girls scream RUN, RUUUUUUUUUN. They are tiny girl bosses. Brayden thinks he’s the alpha here, but the true alpha is this girl scout trio. 

Emily: Aaron is in the river looking for fish. Brayden is just running around eating random things he finds in the woods.

Bonnie: The girls ask Charity who she thinks is the smartest and will do the best. They offer up - Joey or Brayden? Charity responds saying Brayden is DEFINITELY not the smartest. LOLOLOL. We then see Brayden running around clueless, and unbuttoning his shirt. He’s chaotic, but is obviously having THE BEST time. “Hey smelly boys! GET BACK HERE!” shout the tiny girl bosses. One of the girls says they aren’t little demons, despite what Sean has said. One girl puts on a demon voice and says she is a demon. OBSESSED. I felt very represented in this moment. Demon girls unite! She is already terrorizing grown men. Her future is bright.

The men offer up the culinary delights of the forest. Brayden somehow has beets on a plank/platter thing of sorts. He takes a bite to make sure they aren’t poisonous. The girls do not like that he’s eating the food that’s supposed to be for them. Aaron has some lichen, mushrooms, and…..a frog????? Was it alive? Was it dead? We don’t know. He’s from New Orleans, so he felt offering up a frog was….appropriate? I hope that frog was alive and got the fuck out of there. Tanner is sad that Brayden stole his woodland charcuterie board presentation idea. As the other men present their offerings, Brayden is in the back going to town on the beets. Red stained teeth. Brayden has gone feral.

Next, the men have to answer a series of questions. One question asks how they would keep Charity warm if they were stranded in the woods. The only answer that impresses the girl bosses is Aaron’s answer about hot cocoa and cuddles. The girl boss demons love hot cocoa. They ask the men if there was a situation that required them to eat one of the other men for survival, who would they eat. Everyone chooses Brayden, except Brayden, who chooses Sean (the correct answer.) The final question is about how the men would like this journey to end. Aaron says he would like it to end with him down on one knee. This is very “pick me” energy. Brayden says he wants to end the journey feeling content. He feels Charity is going to pick who she wants to pick, and thinks the other men are trying too hard. He’s especially not impressed with Aaron’s answer. 

Emily: Because Aaron is the one Charity is most interested in making out with at the moment, Aaron wins (5 points)! (and also because I’m sure producers knew it would piss off Brayden). Brayden is now fully shirtless and, just as the powers that be predicted, he is not happy. He says Aaron is basic and his answers felt canned. 

Bonnie: He thinks Aaron is cookie-cutter. Brayden loves life and is not going to be with someone who does not add to his life. He thinks Charity is an amazing woman, but maybe she’s not the amazing woman for him. He says all of this while still being shirtless. Can’t lie……I’m siding with Brayden on this over Aaron. At this point….am I a Brayden apologist???? Possibly. He is deranged, but also says so many things that make sense. We also dislike the same people. Aaron and Sean. LOL.

Emily: Nevertheless, Aaron and Charity make out at the kissing tree (2 points) and Aaron is fully holding her (1 point), so suck it, Brayden.

Bonnie: Back at the house/hotel the guys are talking about hometowns. Aaron tells us his philosophy about how each week you need to reframe if you’ll get engaged to Charity, and if you can still see that. Brayden finds it hard to relate to anything these guys are saying. Probably because they all sound DERANGED, even though this show tries to act like this is a normal conversation. Aaron thinks Brayden is pessimistic and is wasting everyone's time. I disagree with him being pessimistic, but wasting Charity’s time….perhaps. Brayden no longer feels like sharing where his mind is at with the other guys. He’s finding the process of watching a girl he likes date other guys. I mean…..this happens every season. Some guy forgets what he signed up for, and freaks out. I get that you may go into it, and not expect to start having real feelings. Then when you do, the struggle of that situation actually starts to hurt. To me, Brayden is having a totally normal thought process, but you can’t do that on this show. I also just don’t think Brayden is ready for marriage PERIOD. I need them to stop casting people under the age of 26/27. Anyway, Brayden does not want to pretend and fake that he’s further along than he really is. 

Emily: Charity walks in wearing a bra and a pantsuit with aggressively-applied red eyeshadow. I hated this look. This is the first Charity look I haven’t loved. Bonnie, I think you were more on board with it.

Bonnie: I love a lingerie top, and didn’t mind the satin pantsuit. It was a dressy pajama vibe. I agree about the eyeshadow though. Too much.

Emily: Charity takes Brayden aside to talk. Brayden says he’s been bummed out since he got to Washington because he still has no idea where he sits with Charity. Charity says, “I’m a little aggravated because I feel like I’ve made it so plain and clear how I feel about you and somehow that’s not enough.” Brayden says he feels like he’s not capable of getting there in this environment. Charity says she deserves someone who’s 100% in. So yeah, Brayden leaves. I was a little confused about whether this counts as self-elimination or not. But then Charity says to the group, “Brayden will not be returning, and that’s a decision I feel confident in.” So I guess we have to conclude that this was ultimately Charity’s decision.

Bonnie: I think he eliminated himself by admitting he didn’t think he could get there in this process, but like….not exactly a self-elimination. It was like when someone tries to make the other person break up with them so they don’t have to do it. I’ve given Brayden a lot of these, but I think he deserves 3pts for being honest. I really don’t think Brayden has done anything that makes him seem like a bad person. He’s just too young to be on this show. I think Charity is completely right to feel like her time had been wasted, but also…….was it really wasted???? I think she will be getting the same outcome she would get even if Brayden had not been here from the start. Brayden was never going to be her end game. Sean is definitely a bigger waste of time. And he’s boring.

Emily: After the run-in with Brayden, we get a series of dudes just trying to be Charity’s knight in shining armor, assuring her that they are there for the right reasons and stuff. Charity makes out with Joey (2 points). She makes out with Tanner (2 points). Michael and Charity do a bird call together, and I was shocked because I fully thought Charity forgot Michael was there. They also kiss (2 points). 

Bonnie: I constantly forget Yacht Michael is still here. Sean wastes some of his time with Charity trying to talk about Brayden, loser behavior. Charity tells him she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Sean says he wants marriage at the end of this. SEAN IS FAKE. A million times worse than Brayden and less entertaining. Just saying. 

Emily: At the end of the night, it’s Joey who gets the rose (10 points). 

Bonnie: Well deserved. Joey kept his convo on Charity. Joey knows not to touch the drama. Winner behavior.

Emily: It’s finally time for my guy Xavier’s date, and it starts with the first run-and-jump of the season. Actually, it’s only a half run-and-jump, so we’ll give him 2 points. 

Bonnie: They’re going to do “local favorites” whatever that means. Charity is physically attracted to Xavier, and she has fun with him. She wants to see if he can reach a higher level. Their first stop is a fruit festival. Is this a real fruit festival, or is this something production made up? Who knows. We find out Charity’s favorite fruit is pineapple, and that Xavier’s favorite fruit is blueberries. Both top tier choices. Sure Xavier knows her favorite fruit, but does he know her favorite color??? Are these favorites equivalent in Brayden’s how well do you know someone scale? We’ll never know. 

They sniff some lavender. Charity loves lavender. Same. Xavier feeds her chocolates. They try some pepper jelly which is unexpectedly spicy. Charity’s mouth is ON FIRE, but is her heart on fire for Xavier??? They’re squishing…grapes?...with their feet. Charity says she’s a very sensory person, also same. I had no idea we had so much in common. Next they bob for apples. I’ve never understood why people do this. It’s not fun.

Emily: Also extremely unsanitary.

Bonnie: Xavier reminds Charity of men she’s dated in the past. She doesn’t want to be with someone just because she’s attracted to them, and she can’t help but see Xavier a certain way because of her past experience. When he compliments her she finds it difficult to take it to heart. That’s not going to stop her from kissing him though. Get it, girl!

Emily: Xavier and Charity are super cute together, but just watching Charity interact with Xavier fully solidifies her connection with Dotun, I think. Here with Xavier, Charity seems less comfortable. This feels more like a first date. Like, clearly the attraction is there, but walls are still up. With Dotun, Charity seems like she’s with her person. At this point, I would be shocked if Dotun doesn’t win.

Bonnie: Totally agree. It feels less comfortable. There are more awkward moments. You can tell they’re attracted to each other, but it lacks the warm ease of her time with Dotun.

Emily: In the evening portion of their date, Charity is looking for Xavier to prove that he’s loyal and not like her ex-boyfriends. I really don’t know how you prove that in one night, but the Bachelorette gets what the Bachelorette wants. Xavier says when he’s in a relationship, he gives all of himself and his fear is that not being reciprocated because in his previous relationship it was tough to have to ask for things he needed. 

Bonnie: He asks Charity what thing is she most wary about in a marriage. Charity is worried about infidelity since it’s the reason her last serious relationship didn’t work out. She says it happened one time too many, that she was not prioritized, and it messed with her self-esteem.

Emily: He goes on to say he’s getting a PhD because his mom suffers from MS and his dad is his primary caregiver. He wants to be that for his wife/children. He invested his career to help. This is a good sob story, and it earns Xavier 5 points. Charity also cries when she hears this story, so 5 more points.

Bonnie: Charity sees him completely differently now. She sees that he’s an extremely passionate person who loves hard and loves VERY WELL. He gets the rose, and we see a VERY SEXUAL kiss. 10 points for the rose, and 2 points for the kiss. I’m giving the kiss 1 bonus point because I felt like I needed to give them some privacy.

Emily: It’s time for the cocktail party before the rose ceremony, and Charity is redeeming herself with this look. She’s got a beautiful red dress. She’s got a white wrap. She’s got a FULL glass of champagne. She is ready.

Bonnie: She is giving us winter wonderland GLAMOR. Mrs Claus could never.

Emily: First, Aaron gets time with Charity. He gives her a massage and says this is how he expresses love. Then, Charity spends time with Dotun. She shares a picture with him from when she was a kid. Again, just go ahead and give Dotun the final rose. I feel like when you start exchanging kid pictures, it’s over. Charity takes Tanner outside to hunt for the Sasquatch, but instead they just make out. I get the feeling Tanner must be a really good kisser, because Charity seems uninterested in him otherwise.

Bonnie: Yeah, their kiss was INTENSE. Has he gotten makeout points this episode yet? If he hasn’t I feel he has earned them here.

Emily: He got them already, which is too bad, because he’s really earning it here.

Bonnie: We see the dark forest, flip flop feet trudging towards the house, a scarf enrobed silhouette. We are getting a full horror movie edit. Is it Bigfoot? WHO COULD IT BE??? The men are all SHOCKED when Brayden enters. He storms past them without a word. They are PISSED. They don’t understand why he’s back. Michael, who I once again forgot was still in this vicinity, is upset that Brayden is there, and also that Brayden didn’t stop to speak to him…..confused.

Emily: Brayden walks in on John and Charity making out (2 points) and he just stares at them for what seems like an eternity. The sound department is really amping up these kissing noises. We’re hearing a lot of loud smacking just to drive the point home that this is awkward AF. Brayden says he needs to talk to Charity one more time. John is pissed.

Bonnie: We hear one of the men say they have never been more upset in their life. Jealous of their life. We get a clip of Sean trying to roast Brayden for wearing a scarf…..while he is also wearing a scarf. A producer asks him what’s the difference between Brayden’s scarf and his scarf? Sean says his is cashmere. Sean sucks.

Emily: This conversation between Brayden and Charity is pointless. Brayden says he didn’t like how he left things and he’s really sorry. He says, “it’s nothing that you did,” and Charity responds, “I know it wasn’t me.” Did one of the producers tell Brayden that Charity was really upset or something? Charity is fine. But we’ll give Brayden 2 points here for coming back and stirring up drama, because the rest of the dudes are very bothered by this.

Bonnie: Her tone was so funny to me. Brayden starts to leave. Aaron has to follow him outside to talk shit because of course he does. Brayden sits down in the van brushing off Aaron. John sits in the van with Brayden and says “Bro, I’m on the chopping block, I might go home, bro” Poor John, he just wants to calmly get his feels out to Brayden, when Aaron comes back with BRO BRO BRO. John is like, this is my conversation! None of the men respect John. Sean is now getting in on it, because of course he is. Michael and Caleb are out there. Dotun is standing there in silence. Notice how Joey is not outside. Joey knows how to play this game. Aaron is getting very aggro and calls Brayden toxic……but…..Aaron is toxic……so….yeah. We are seeing the Aaron Clancy influence on Aaron B’s constant need to fight.

Emily: Yeah, we’re not giving Aaron any points for this drama-stirring, because this was gross toxic masculinity, and we hate it. After Brayden leaves, John says he’d like to continue his conversation with Charity, but that’s not how this show works. Jesse appears to let the guys know it’s time for the rose ceremony. 

It’s a quick rose ceremony, because as we said at the top of this recap, after tonight, there are only six guys left. So the roses tonight go to Aaron (3 points), Tanner, and Sean (3 points). That means Caleb, John, and Michael are going home. Bonnie and I are both very upset she kept Sean over John. It makes no sense.

Bonnie: JUSTICE FOR JOHN!!!!! How the fuck is Sean still there but John isn’t???? My theory is that it’s because he will be an easy elimination later. John is a good guy and she doesn’t want to string him along. That’s the only way this makes any sense. Sean is so gross. 

Emily: Michael leaves on a good note, saying that all the gentlemen left deserve to be there and that they’re great guys, etc. 1 farewell point to Michael for keeping it classy.

Bonnie: We have been getting some gold in the credits this year. We see Jesse emerge from a park bathroom in a Sasquatch suit and go for a walk in the forest. What a delight! We need a whole show of the things they save for the credits. Like how they do Unseen Bits for Love Island. That’s where all the funny silly moments are, and that’s what I want more of. Also, appreciation for Jesse Palmer. Sure he’s not the host we wanted, but I appreciate that he’s up for a joke. He doesn't see his role of host as some elevated position. He’s not just saying one line then going off to golf for the rest of the day. Good for him.

FASHION CORNER!!!! The top look of the week has to go to Charity’s winter wonderland look. I was feeling the fantasy! I have to give a special shout out to all of Brayden’s earrings. I was constantly looking forward to what type of Chico’s mom we were going to see represented, and that will truly be missed. Credit for being bold. Greatly prefer that to being boring. My fails this week go to Charity’s eyeshadow and Sean. Because Sean is always a fail. How dare he try to insult Brayden’s scarf while also wearing a scarf!!! 

Emily - Team Double-Sided Coin

1. Xavier - 50

2. Aaron B. - 14

3. Joey - 12

4. Tanner - 7

5. Michael - 3

This Week’s Points: 86
Previous Points: 88
Total Points: 174

Bonnie - Team Drama Queenz

1. John - 2

2. Brayden - 5

3. Dotun - 34

4. Caleb -

5. Sean - 3

This Week’s Points: 44
Previous Points: 135
Total Points: 179

Team Drama Queenz took a big hit this week, and Team Double-Sided Coin is starting to catch up. But with frontrunner Dotun on the Queenz side, does Team Double-Sided Coin stand a chance? Tune in next week to find out!