Emily: Better late than never, right? We’re here with your Fantasy Suites recap, although it seems like they’re rebranding and calling these dates “Overnights” more than they’re calling them “Fantasy Suites,” which… is a choice. They’re in Fiji, which is also where Love Island US is this year. How amazing would it be if we could one day get a Bachelor/Love Island crossover? I know it would never happen, but it could be fun!

Bonnie: Send some of the discarded men to the villa!!! Send John to the villaaaaaaaa!!!

Emily: Right?? Charity says saying goodbye to Aaron was one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do because she was falling in love with him. 

Bonnie: I don’t think either of those statements are true, but we’ll go along with it because we love Charity.

Emily: We’re definitely setting up for Aaron’s return later. But he’s not here now, so let’s see how the other guys are feeling. 

Bonnie: They are all feeling like Fiji is an amazing place to be vulnerable, to tell Charity they’re in love with her, and to fall in love. I believe it. Fiji looks pretty amazing. Being in love in Fiji sounds pretty great.

Emily: Dotun says he doesn’t know what Charity’s connection with the other guys is like, but he’s optimistic. Joey is unsure why Charity was crying the last time they were together (yeah, that was weird), but he’s ready to tell Charity he’s in love with her. Xavier says he was afraid of committing to one person, but now with Charity he thinks it’s a possibility. He says he can see Charity as his wife.

Bonnie: It feels like there are two Xaviers. One that sees Charity as his wife, I think this is the Xavier we see when he’s knitting. And then there’s boys on tour Xavier who is ready to cheat on Charity with the slightest amount of peer pressure. That is the Xavier we see when he speaks in a monotone and goes dead in the eyes. The Xavier we see later in this episode.

Emily: Before Charity goes on her first “Overnight” date, she’s going to have some unnecessary one-on-one time with Jesse. It’s moments like this where I really miss Kaitlyn and Tayshia. K and T seemed genuinely interested, and moments like this with them felt like girl chats with your friends. Jesse is like this weird older dude who clearly doesn’t actually care and is just waiting for this to be over so he can go chill on the beach in Fiji somewhere. The vibes are off. I don’t like this dude.

Bonnie: While Jesse is better than Chris Harrison still being here….Kaitlyn and Tayshia were just BETTER. You could tell they actually cared, and they brought a sense of fun. I miss them.

Emily: Charity tells Jesse that losing Aaron is still weighing on her. She says she’s still unsure if Xavier is ready for an engagement. Charity says her connection with Dotun is unreal. Nothing is alarming to her about Dotun. It seems too good to be true. She says she feels so good about Joey, but she wonders if she’s getting the real Joey. She says she’s falling in love with three men at the same time, and she knows they’re the best men ever. So if you somehow haven’t been watching, that’s a recap. 

Bonnie: They could have scrolled what you just wrote over the screen like it was Star Wars. The things I could have done with the time that would have saved.

Emily: On to the first one-on-one date, and we’re starting with Xavier, which was surprising to me, because I’m assuming this date is going to be the most dramatic. Just to tee that up for everyone, Xavier says Fiji is the perfect environment if you want to fall in love. But… he says there is a doubt that he can get on one knee and be certain about it, and he hopes that this date will illuminate that. Not a great sign.

Bonnie: Xavier goes to meet Charity on a private island where they take part in what we are told is a traditional Fijian wedding ceremony. Is it? Who knows. Xavier calls Charity his woman king, cause she did the thing.

Emily: I have to say… this date is a little iffy in terms of cultural appropriation. But when they oil Xavier up, he does look really hot. Sorry. 

Bonnie: Tragically that’s where this date peaked. 

Emily: At the end of the ceremony, Xavier and Charity have to profess their feelings for each other. It really feels like Xavier starts talking without knowing what he’s going to say. He calls Charity a delicate flower that he doesn’t want to crush when he picks up, and he wants to water the seed and watch it blossom, and when he’s ready, he’ll pick it. Charity’s like why would you crush me when you pick me up? This dude should stick to knitting.

Bonnie: We cut to Aaron packing his suitcase. He’s going to Fiji to fight for the woman he’s falling in love with! Feels kind of ominous since there’s a large sword in the background. Fight….to the death? This would give me the ick. If I tell you to go, please stay gone.

Emily: Agreed! Back in Fiji, Xavier and Charity have made it to the evening portion of the date, and Xavier has some big bombs to drop. Xavier says the possibility of being with Charity forever is scary but also calming. He says he overanalyzes sometimes but rightly so because it’s forever they’re talking about. He says there are some boxes that can’t be checked, so that’s where the doubt stems from. This man keeps acting like he’s the Bachelor and that Charity has to prove things to him. This is not how this works.

Bonnie: Xavier decides this is the time to bring up that he cheated on his ex. He knows this is one of her biggest relationship fears. Charity needs a moment and walks away to collect herself. When she comes back she has questions. Xavier says he doesn’t ever want to be unfaithful to Charity. Does that mean he did want to be unfaithful to his ex? He then keeps digging the hole deeper. He says he cheated on his ex multiple times over five days. He blames the situation of being on vacation with his boys…….uhmmmmm…..we’re now seeing that the knitting was just a distraction. We didn’t see the message he was knitting in his hot sexy web. It said bros before hos. WHY XAVIER WHY??? He also mentions he cheated because his ex wasn’t who he wanted her to be……what?

Emily: This whole conversation is just a series of wrong answers only. Charity is very triggered by Xavier’s confession of infidelity because she’s been cheated on in past relationships. She asks what work he’s done on his end to learn and grow and not do that again. He tells her that he learned how to be more introspective and in tune with the why behind his actions. He says he realized that he not only hurt her but he hurt himself and it made him question his own character. He doesn’t want it to define him, but it does make him question himself and if he’s put in that position again, will he know how to deal with that now? Charity says she absolutely never wants that to happen to her again and her standards are high and she’s not going to apologize to that. Xavier says it will be hard to be faithful and choose one woman for the rest of his life. Xavier says “I’m good, but it’s fucking scary.” Yikes. Charity, understandably, is not comforted by any of this.

Bonnie: Will Xavier ever be able to go on a lad’s holiday while in a relationship ever again? Maybe Xavier needs to be looking for an open relationship, or maybe try being poly??? This is not the show for that, but I would DEFINITELY watch a poly version of this show.

Emily: Charity says the overnight card is super meaningful and with the raw, real conversation they had tonight, the question is can he be someone who will show up for her at the end of this. She cries (5 points). She tells Xavier, “I hold this card not because I doubt you but because I believe in you. And I want this for us. I want this to work. I don’t have any doubts about what I’m capable of giving to you. And I need to know that you’re going to show up for me. That you’re going to put in the work. It’s only going to work if you want it to work. So will you do that for us?” Xavier says, “It has to be no doubt and 100% certainty for me to do that. And in my heart, there is not any fucking doubt. But in my mind, there is that doubt. And for me to get to that point, that has to happen tonight. I need to see more.” Sir. Excuse me?

Bonnie: The second you hear “But” you know it’s not going anywhere good. Xavier was really playing us with that 1:1, and on his home town. Charity is having none of this: “Maybe it’s too high of an expectation, but the amount of doubt you have for yourself, I don’t have that doubt for you, but you can’t even give me a yes or a no. What am I supposed to do with that? I don’t want to force you to get there prematurely. I only want you there if you’re ready.” Xavier has truly dropped the ball…of yarn. LOL.  Charity picks up the overnight card and says, “I’m going to be selfish in this moment, and I wish I could open this, but it’s not happening.” Charity sends Xavier on his way.

Emily: Before Xavier exits, he hugs her and says, “I love you,” which is the wildest thing of all (15 points). In his exit interview, Xavier says, “I know that I just hurt her so much, and that woman put her heart on the line every single day, and I doubted myself and us, and I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have doubted.” 5 more points to Xavier for having so many red flags and bamboozling all of us who should know better.

Bonnie: When you really think about it…..knitting is EXACTLY the kind of hobby a fuck boy would take up to fool us. 

Emily: The next morning, Charity is ready to move past this whole Xavier experience. She says, “I’m not here to fix anybody. I’m not here to build a man. This isn’t Build-a-Man Workshop.” Charity says she’s just going to focus on the two men she has and prays one of them will work out.

Bonnie: There has been A LOT of driving this season. That continues on this ATV date with Joey.

Emily: Of course, Charity opts to drive first. But I was really impressed that later Charity asks Joey if he wants to drive. Considering how much Charity seems to love driving, this seemed like a watershed moment in their relationship, even if it was because they were stuck in the mud.

Bonnie: Joey handles this situation PERFECTLY. First, he says he couldn’t do a better job at driving or getting the ATV unstuck than Charity, and he is completely unphased by this minor setback. He’s happy to walk to the waterfall that they make out in front of. (3 points for a SENSUAL waterfall make out) So many guys would jump at the chance to get the ATV out of the mud. They’d be so sure they could do it, and then would get frustrated when they couldn’t. We don’t have time for men like that. 

Emily: In the night portion of their date, Joey tells Charity that people fall in love with the idea of him, and then he feels the need to maintain that ideal all the time. “If this is a relationship where we had more time, you would see more moments where I get into a funk,” he says. “I’ve been told I have a confident persona and great energy, and I’m grateful for that. But I am human and there are moments that I don’t feel that way. And then I feel like I have to push myself to be that person, and it can be taxing.” This really had me wondering if Joey is a Libra, so I checked, and he’s actually a Gemini. But I feel like with all this stress about people-pleasing, there’s gotta be some Libra in his chart somewhere. 

Bonnie: Geminis have duality, so maybe for him that’s the persona he puts on for others, and then his true self that he guards more closely. Who knows. There’s a way for astrology to make it make sense. I wonder if Joey is on Co-Star.

Emily: Charity says she also struggles with people-pleasing. She says she only really gets awarded and gets attention when she’s at her best. Like, I hear what she’s saying, but also… that’s pretty normal? Most of us only get rewarded when we’re doing good things, right?

Bonnie: Yeah. I think that’s pretty normal. It’s why I get rewarded so infrequently, and people ignore me. I’m just trying my best. ::tear:: Anyway, this really seems to be a bonding moment for them. Joey tells Charity he’s in love with her (15 ILU Points), and -GASP- Charity says it back (25 ILU points)!!!! The fantasy suite card is opened. I was really hoping we’d get a scene of Jesse sitting down at a desk to write out these cards over the credits. 

Emily: Joey and Charity are FREAKING OUT about how cool this fantasy suite it, but honestly it looks like a normal house to me? It’s just really brown. Lots of brown everywhere. They didn’t even put rose petals on the bed. WTF IS THIS! Do better, Bachelor production! We’re used to windmills!

Bonnie: Imagine if it was like the hideaway on Love Island. This is just one of the many areas of this show that could use a little refresh. Let’s get WILD. What if every fantasy suite was now windmill-themed. Forever. 

Emily: The next morning, we get a shot of shoes on the floor. Scandalous. Charity and Joey are in bed together and it appears as if Joey is wearing a friendship bracelet. Does that mean he’s a Swiftie?

Bonnie: I did not know friendship bracelets were a Swiftie thing until I started seeing all these celebrities at her concert covered in them. 

Emily: Same, but now I’m seeing it everywhere! Charity says her love with Joey feels ETERNAL. ETERNAL, y’all. We’ll see about that, because Dotun’s date is next. But in this moment, Charity feels fully into Joey. She even cries (5 points). 

Bonnie: For the date with Dotun…..MORE DRIVING. This time we’re on jet skis. Vroom vroom! Charity talks about how Dotun’s mom prayed with her. To her, that was very important and special. She really loved Dotun’s family, and SAME. His family seemed like the most fun. Charity says there are no bad moments with Dotun.

Emily: I didn’t take a lot of notes on this date because everything went so perfectly and, to be honest, I was kinda in my feels. I might have cried a little during their nighttime conversation. Dotun tells Charity he didn’t feel like fairy tales were for people like him, but their love story feels like a fairy tale. He says his feelings have only grown more and more since New Orleans, and “the scary part is that I’m not scared… It’s scary how easy it is to say that I’m genuinely in love with you, Charity.” (15 points). Charity says that’s 100% where her heart is at, and she’s in love with him too (25 points). 

Bonnie: Dotun reads the date card “Charity and Dotun congratulations on sharing a wonderful day together” and then says “FACTS.” Precious. The next morning he says he wants to keep her lipstick on him. WHAT??? This is too much. Dotun has clearly earned 3 bonus points for wanting to keep Charity’s lipstick on him. I just cannot with these two. If she doesn’t pick Dotun…..I just don’t know.

Emily: Time to get to the Aaron drama of it all. Aaron is in Fiji. He goes to the front desk while a FULL FILM CREW who knows exactly where Charity is is filming him and he asks the person at the front desk, “Uh… where’s Charity?” This is so dumb. Why are they playing? 3 points to Aaron for asking this question with a straight face. When Aaron tracks down Charity, he says, “I love your fit,” which is fair because Charity’s outfits are always on point, but also she’s just wearing a bikini here, so like? 

Bonnie: I just want to know what lucky producers got to spend their day chilling by the pool with Charity to film this scene. That’s a great day at work. Good for them.

Emily: Charity says she’s excited to see Aaron, but she’s also overwhelmed. Aaron says it wasn’t until the van door was closed that he realized the relationship was over and that was the hardest emotion he’s had to sit with. When she said she wasn’t sure she was making the right decision, that’s what got him stuck. He wants to know if she’s been thinking about her. Charity says she’s been thinking about it every single day, and she tells him she was falling in love (15 points) and she still cares so much about him. Charity seems irritated that she’s going to have to say goodbye to Aaron again because she does legitimately care for him. 

Bonnie: Just tell him to turn around and get right back on that plane. Two I love yous beats one I’m falling in love with you. Also, men who can’t just stay gone are an ick. Get him out of here. They leave us on a cliffhanger like we care. He’s going home, we don’t care when. Over the credits we get a cute scene of Dotun and Charity looking at a gecko on the ceiling. Charity keeps calling it a salamander, and this is the only time she’s said something wrong all season. Dotun is completely unphased by the gecko, and that just makes me like him more. Geckos are friends!!! Those cute little gecko feet!!! Love a gecko. 

I’m looking forward to the return of my man Brayden on Men Tell All. I’ve missed his Chico’s earrings and hot takes about the other men so much!!! Something to look forward to. See you all next week!

Emily: Now let’s see where we’re at with points!

Emily - Team Double-Sided Coin

Xavier - 20

Aaron B. - 18

Joey - 48

This Week’s Points: 86

Previous Points: 298

Total Points: 384

Bonnie - Team Drama Queenz

Dotun - 43

This Week’s Points: 43

Previous Points: 258

Total Points: 301

Men Tell All is really anyone’s game, so we’ll see how it all shakes out!