We’re less than two weeks away from Peter Weber’s Bachelor season premiere, which means it’s time to judge some women based on their badly written bios!

While we here at #BookSquadGoals were all very vocally in support of a Mike Johnson-led season, we’re not gonna lie. At least 3/4 of us will be watching this season nevertheless. Even though Peter Weber does, at first, second, third, and fourth glance, definitely feel like more of the same. Another white dude. Another pilot. At least we know he’s not a virgin this time. And… At least the cast pictures are a little more flattering this year?

Let’s put on our judging goggles and get this party started.

Alayah, 24, an orthodontist assistant from San Antonio, Texas

Emily: We’re kicking it off with another Southern beauty queen. I’m thinking that after the success of Hannah Brown, we’re going to be seeing even more of these in years to come. Also, really hoping she writes some poetry for Peter at some point. I need to hear that. Also, we haven’t banned the term “spirit animal” yet? 

Kelli: I don’t know how to deal with the cognitive dissonance of a pageant girl who’s favorite social media platform is Reddit. I can only assume this woman is unhinged. She’s also an orthodontist assistant, so I hope we get a lot of weird teeth jokes a la Kirpa from Colton’s season. 

Susan: She writes poetry in her spare time, so I can only hope we’re going to get some Bachelor-quality attempts from her, wherein she near-rhymes “commercial pilot” with “I’d prefer Jed Wyatt.”

Mary: Kelli, I might agree that she could be a little wild because she says her favorite place is the San Antonio Riverwalk. That is the most touristy spot known to man, and I can’t think of why a local would want to go there. Unless they’re a sociopath. Her poetry is maybe the only thing giving me hope for her.

Alexa, 27, an esthetician from Chicago, Illinois

Emily: She’s in a book club, so I feel like we have to root for her, right? She’s basically one of us. “Alexa decided to move to Chicago during a game of heads or tails.” -- I feel like calling “heads or tails” a game is a bit of a stretch. Also if you call someone a “free spirit” do you also have to say that she has “a lot of hippie in her”? I’m coming for these bio writers. 

Kelli: We have to stan. Just look at her. I know we try not to talk too much about appearances here, but damn… she’s fine. I have a feeling that the emphasis on her being a hippie means she’s probably very liberal, and the fact that she “isn’t afraid to call people out to their face” makes me hope she’s about to call out some of the dumb patriarchal bullshit on this show… fingers crossed for a fave here.

Susan: The “isn’t afraid to call people out” part means she’s definitely going to get into it with someone who probably isn’t as smart as she is. I hope it’s a hot-button political issue and has nothing to do with a pageant.

Mary: I think she looks so cute! Her hair is dreamy and she also loves books! I hope they don’t put the “angry black woman” spin on her for “calling people out,” because she seems nice and let’s be honest, there’s a lot of BS to call out on The Bachelor. 

Avonlea, 27, a cattle rancher from Fort Worth, Texas

Emily: How is this a real name and not just a fictional town from a children’s book? Were here parents just really into Anne of Green Gables? And if so, what a weird fandom to name your child after. Avonlea loves audiobooks. Same. I want to see what her Audible library looks like. I think that says a lot about a person.

Kelli: The first sentence of this bio made me throw up, but that’s probably the bio writer’s fault… right? It’s confusing because she has some interesting and cool hobbies but there is a lot of “the ideal man taking care of his woman” messaging going on in this bio, so I don’t know how to feel. Side note: Emily, please have some respect for the AoGG fandom. 

Susan: I wish this show would stop making states into personality traits. I do love that she thanks cows for their hard work when she milks them. I imagine being milked would be taxing.

Mary: It’s very sweet that she thanks her cows, though, isn’t it? I don’t get The Bachelor’s obsession with country v. city, as if there’s only that and nothing in between. If there are runway shows in your town, you’re definitely not as much of a country girl as you think you are. Also, I’m 100% here for naming children after Anne of Green Gables.

Courtney, 26, a cosmetologist from Venice, Florida

Emily: Wow, what a boring bio. She drinks wine, loves men in cowboy boots, and believes in soulmates. You and every other basic white girl on this show, Courtney.

Kelli: It must be so hard to still be looking for your soulmate at 26! Oh, wait. The only mildly interesting thing about Courtney is her claustrophobia, which I’m sure will be fodder for some kind of producer-orchestrated freakout because this show loves nothing more than to exploit a phobia. Also, because I have to do this — Florida count: 1. 

Susan: I feel like they were really stretching to make her sound interesting. Boating, tanning and going out for drinks? Who still tans in 2019?

Mary: Courtney’s biggest turn-on is a lot of folks’ biggest turn-off: cowboy boots. Courtney seems like a typical wealthy or money-adjacent girl, just waiting to get married, and that is a big red flag for me. It seems wild to me that she’s DONE WITH BOYS at 26, and just wants to get married. I mean, what does that even mean? Does she think this man who’s about to date 30-some women is her “soulmate?”

Deandra, 23, a home care coordinator from Plano, Texas

Emily: Deandra is already one of my favorites. She’s gorgeous. She’s traveled a lot. She doesn’t mind admitting that she loves being the center of attention. She also cries when she gets blood drawn, just like me. I feel seen. Deandra, will you accept this rose?

Kelli: I love that one of her facts is that she hates EDM, because same. I also like that she already has some non-negotiables, because I’m tired of the women on this show having their lives absorbed by the men they end up with. Let’s be friends, Deandra. 

Susan: I like that she’s lived in several places because that gives her some life experience she might not otherwise have at 23. I hope this “center of attention” thing manifests in a Demi-style personality and not a Courtney Robertson one.

Mary: Is it bad of me to say simply that she is simply too interesting for The Bachelor? I’m really interested in her time in Nigeria and how that’s going to shape her world view on the show! I think she might just be too good for this show. Then again, she could prove me wrong.

Eunice, 23, a flight attendant from Chicago, Illinois

Emily: People under the age of 80 shouldn’t be named Eunice. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Peter is not really interested in coming on The Bachelor to date a flight attendant. If he wanted to do that, he could have just stayed on Delta. 

Kelli: She has left her partying sorority days behind her because she *checks notes* just graduated college? I agree that I don’t see Peter picking a flight attendant, but I am definitely looking forward to a demonstration of the “helicopter ponytail.” 

Susan: We’re like five bios in and most of them have mentioned drinking. I feel like this gon’ be a drunk szn. Has enough time passed since *the unfortunate incident* that ABC will relax the drink limit rules? 

Kelli: Maybe, but they probably had to reinstate it right after Peter got trashed and split his face open.

Mary: Personally, I love the name Eunice! Something tells me those “sorority party days” are going to come back real quick when there’s endless champagne flowing in the mansion.

Hannah Ann, 23, a model from Knoxville, Tennessee

Emily: She’s a model who still lives with her parents in Knoxville, TN. So she’s unemployed. Nevertheless, I feel like she’s going to go far. 

Kelli: Hannah Ann is not a name that rolls off the tongue. She probably will go far, because they’re really pushing her similarities to Hannah B — southern twang, interior design, etc. I can’t be too hard on her for living with her parents at 23, because this is the world we live in, but if her paintings are bad I’m going to be annoyed.

Susan: The reason it doesn’t roll off the tongue is because the producers probably made her throw her middle name on because Hannah B. and Hannah G. are still all over Bachelor Nation events. I don’t know why, but I feel like Peter will wanna do ~windmill things~ with her. 

Mary: Is it just me, or does she look like she could be Hannah’s sister? It seems like the bio writers wanted to make her living at home sound the most interesting. Her parents are not her landlords. Ugh.

Jade, 26, a flight attendant from Mesa, Arizona

Emily: Another flight attendant. I would love to see a female pilot on this show, but LOL no this is The Bachelor. She is however working on her pilot’s license, so she’s almost there… still, I don’t think Peter’s going to be interested. 

Kelli: Yeah, it’s kind of cool that she’s working on her license and it’s cute that she hosts a game night. She seems… fine. Kind of like Peter? I do like the name Jade, though — and I’d like to note that the women this season have way more unique names than usual!

Susan: I love a good divorce redemption story. Rooting for you, girlfriend.

Mary: Have we ever had a divorced contestant before? I’m not a historian, so I’m not exactly sure! It seems good for her that she’s been out there and lived a life. I’m looking forward to finding out how she feels about Mormonism now. Is she still in it?

Kelli: Tayshia from Colton’s season/paradise was divorced! 

Emily: Yeah, we’ve had plenty of divorced contestants.

Jasmine, 25, a client relations manager from Houston, Texas

Emily: She’s cute, but seems annoying. I don’t eat meat, so maybe I just don’t GET it, but why are so many people obsessed with Chick-Fil-A? Love that she speaks Vietnamese though.

Kelli: Also, it’s kind of awkward to openly talk about being obsessed with Chick-Fil-A, because you’re basically just broadcasting to the world that you truly don’t care that they donate to churches that actively promote conversion therapy for LGBTQ people… like, if you MUST have a chicken mini, maybe keep it to yourself? 

Susan: She’s got ambitions and her hobbies are interesting. $100 says she speaks Vietnamese for her limo exit, and I’m here for it. And she’s another book clubber. Maybe we can make a BSG listener out of her.

Mary: I need to see Gnarles Barkley the dog immediately. I get that a lot of people like Chick-fil-A, but like. Can you not have it ONE DAY of the week? 

Jenna, 22, a nursing student from New Lenox, Illinois

Emily: Here’s another extremely basic, cookie-cutter Bachelor bio. She wants someone “kind and nurturing” but also “spontaneous and adventurous.” Welcome to words that don’t really mean anything because we all want those things. She went on a life-changing mission trip to Africa. Like, the whole continent? 

Kelli: Yeah, the phrase “life-changing trip to Africa” doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence. 

Susan: She’s 22, and she likes bowling and knitting. I can’t figure that out. 

Kelli: Kind of sounds like me at 22… unfortunately.

Mary: Shouldn’t we be concerned that she’s talking to her goldfish? Also, I would totally been into bowling and knitting at 22. Then again, I’m an old woman at heart. I’m wondering if she’s also Mormon, since she went on a “mission.” Is it a mission trip, or a personal mission, or a Mission?

Katrina, 28, a pro sports dancer from Chicago, Illinois

Emily: This woman is obsessed with her cat and hates not being in control. When did I sign up for this show and change my name to Katrina?

Kelli: I am very into the hairless cat and I’m hoping she gets to bring her to the mansion, especially since there is also a person named Jasmine. Maybe they could have a chiron for the cat AND the person. Anyway, I’m really hoping Katrina’s mom was joking when she told her 28-year-old daughter to hurry up and get married because “her biological clock is ticking,” but knowing the Bachelor’s demographic, she probably wasn’t.   

Susan: If my mom said that, I’d be like “Oh no you didn’t!” Want to see pics of this hairless cat Halloween costume. Hairless cats are the bomb. She reminds me of Liz from Nick V.’s season.

Mary: UGH. Her family sounds awful, truly. With everyone else getting married and presumably popping out some babies, I’d rebel and keep my biological clock all to myself. I want to see her cat! 

Kelley, 27, an attorney from Chicago, Illinois

Emily: I love that she was in a long distance relationship that had her traveling to Jordan once or twice a month. But I’m confused about how she did that while also being a lawyer. Aren’t lawyers usually really busy? What about all of her cases?

Kelli: I feel like she is probably an international spy, and lawyer is just her cover. Obviously I have to root for her because we’re name twins (kind of). I know this isn’t her fault, but “Kelley is a modern woman who doesn't need a man to take care of her”???? What year is this, bio writers? Unrelated: there are a fuck ton of women from Chicago this season. 

Susan: Most interesting bio so far. I want to know which 26 countries she’s traveled to and meet her family so I can hear why they’re all passionate about the law. I also get very angry when people don’t listen to me, so I feel ya, girl.

Mary: Excuse me, but how did she have money to travel twice a month to the middle east?

Kelli: Lawyering?

Emily: Yeah, the money doesn’t concern me. It’s the time.

Kelsey, 28, a professional clothier from Des Moines, Iowa

Emily: Here’s another pageant girl. She also loves wine. So unique.

Kelli: I fell asleep reading this.

Susan: But how many are pageant girls? Summary of this bio: pageantry, pilates, past relationship issues, Peter. Next.

Mary: I really hope they don’t try to spin it as “oooh she’s a pageant girl so she hates other women!” That would be incredibly lame of them, yet it seems like they might be headed that direction with the whole “she’s used to competing against women” thing. Sigh.

Kiarra, 23, a nanny from Kennesaw, Georgia

Emily: Kiarra is looking for someone who can find her car keys. You know, they make devices that can do that for you. You don’t have to find a whole person. She’s turned off by men who grind their teeth. SOME OF US HAVE ANXIETY AND CAN’T HELP IT, KIARRA. 

Kelli: Yeah that’s kind of a rude thing to be turned off by. Again: something to keep to yourself unless you want to seem like a dick. 

Susan: I really want to know the show’s definition of “serious relationship,” because they feel the need to tell us how many each girl has had in her bio. I feel like it’s a loose definition because she’s already had two and she’s 23. 

Mary: Her greatest skill is talking, but I’m getting the idea that it’s not any kind of meaningful talking. It’s 100% just her jabbering on about nothing.

Kylie, 26, an entertainment sales associate from Santa Monica, California

Emily: I’m going to need these white girls to get a little more specific when they talk about Africa because it’s a whole ass continent with many countries and cultures. 

Kelli: I think there’s only one person from Florida so far, so maybe we should start an Africa count instead? One thing that speaks well for Kylie is that she has something that sounds like a real job: entertainment sales associate. But also, what does that mean? Does she work in the industry, or is this a fancy way of saying she has an ebay store where she sells old blu-rays?

Susan: I like that right out of the gate they tell us she has completely unrealistic relationship expectations with “rom-com kind of love.” This show is perfect for her.  

Mary: I have bad news for Kylie. Rom-com love doesn’t exist! And yet, if you’re going to go after that type of thing, I guess The Bachelor is as good a place as any. I agree with you, Susan.

Lauren, 26, a marketing executive from Glendale, California

Emily: Lauren really wants to go to Texas before she dies. I feel like… you could just go if you wanted to? Dream bigger.

Kelli: Maybe they put that in here so that we’re excited when one of their destinations for this season is Texas. I kind of love that Lauren does exit interviews with her exes. Seems like a Virgo move tbh. 

Susan: I like that Lauren says she doesn’t want a man who would hold her back from her career goals, but I am uneasy about the amount of inspiration she got from Kobe Bryant, 

Mary: It’s always creepy to me when women say that their biggest models for who they want to marry is their dad. I mean, I love my dad and all, but I don’t want to marry someone just like my dad? This is just a thing I’ve never personally understood. *shrug* 

Lexi, 26, a marketing coordinator from New York, New York

Kelli: I relate to Lexi a lot as a person who moved from Florida to New York and proceeded to go on “a number of bad and mediocre dates.” As we discussed with Elyse during Colton’s season, redheads on this show are rare, so I’m rooting for her. That red hair/green eyes combo is killer. 

Emily: I don’t know if Lexi has ever been to the suburbs, but there are a lot of sassy people there. Also, whoever writes these bios keeps writing “New York City” like someone who has never been to New York. I really feel like they need to hire a new bio writer, if this is how we’re going to do bios now.

Susan: Would rather be buried alive than trapped in a room filled with frogs? What kind of game of “Would you rather” is this? Why would anyone ever have to be in a frog-filled room? Side note: My favorite “Would you rather” question I’ve ever answered was: “Would you rather have a finger for a penis or penises for fingers?” These are the questions I want contestants to really think about.

Mary: How fascinating that the thing Lexi hates the most is people who are desperate, and yet she is on The Bachelor. That is a totally normal way to find the “father of her children.”

Madison, 23, a foster parent recruiter from Auburn, Alabama

Kelli: At first I thought Madison seemed cool, but then she said her desert-island-book would be The Bible. So, “cool” maybe isn’t the right word. I do think her job is amazing though, and I like that she played basketball, so hopefully I’m just being judgemental and Madison proves to be as good of a person as she sounds like on paper. 

Emily: “At 23, Madison is more than ready to find her forever.” Is this a joke? Also, people who list the Bible as their favorite book don’t actually read and have probably never read the bible. Facts.

Susan: It’s cool that you are into your faith, but the Bible is a terrible desert island choice. Imagine reading about plagues of locusts and flies when you’re trapped somewhere that presumably doesn’t have bug spray. 

Mary: Again, why is she so young and ready for her forever?! Actually, I do have an answer for that. Her desert-island book being the Bible and her looking for someone who prioritizes “faith and family” all seems like code for her being uber-Christian. Her faith would be fine if she wasn’t looking for her “forever” with a man who’s dating like, 30 women at the same time. 

Maurissa, 23, a patient care coordinator from Atlanta, Georgia

Kelli: I’m really confused and a little concerned about this bio. It starts out talking about how Maurissa was a pageant girl in high school and how, as an average-sized teenager, the experience gave her body image issues. Then at the end it’s like, “as of now she’s lost 80 pounds, yay!” What is the message here? Is Maurissa okay? 

Emily: She’s lost 80 pounds and wants to keep going. Keep going where? What is there left to lose? Can we stop?

Susan: “Maurissa prefers to surround herself with people who have a more mature outlook on life. All of her best friends are at least 10 years older than her.” I still need to age two years before I make the cut to be her friend, and I’m already considered ancient by Bachelor standards.

Mary: I’m also obviously worried about Maurissa and her recent weight loss of 80 pounds. That’s a LOT, and she just...lost that? When she was already “average size?” The bio seems to suggest that she dealt with her body image issues by having her boyfriend at the time pump her up, but also she decided she wanted to lose weight anyway? So I guess she wasn’t over her body issues, was she? I truly hate the emphasis on her weight here, not because she lost weight, but because the bio makes it seem like she gave in to some sort of desire to engage with an eating disorder.

Megan, 26, a flight attendant from San Francisco, California

Kelli: Aaand this is flight attendant number what? I like how this bio makes a big deal about how her parents are divorced. Like… welcome to half of people. 

Susan: And it’s like “Even though her parents are divorced, she still likes romance.” As if when your parents are divorced, you are incapable of feeling hope.

Emily: On The Bachelor, you’re basically a failure if your parents are divorced. You probably can’t have a successful relationship yourself.

Susan: Imagine if someone listed three interesting facts about you and one of them was that you are a “face mask enthusiast.” Unless she wears scary Halloween masks around, this is not remotely interesting. 

Mary: Why are there so many flight attendants this season? Did I miss something? Additionally, I bet she’s real sad she can’t say her parents are her role models because they’ve been married for 5000 years.

Emily: Mary, you do realize Peter is a pilot, right?

Mykenna, 22, a fashion blogger from Langley, British Columbia, Canada

Kelli: Mykenna is certainly a name. Is this our youngest person? I hope so, because any younger and they’re going to have to start IDing before they serve cocktails to the contestants.

Emily: In a few years, these contestants are going to be young enough to be my children. If I had been a teen mom. Millennials are aging out of this show slowly but surely. Pretty soon these women are all going to be Gen Z. Prepare yourselves. We are olds.

Susan: What kind of name is this? I’m bored. Next.

Mary: Everything I’m reading in this bio says that she’s a trust fund baby. She’s a fashion blogger professionally? Probably because she has money coming in from somewhere else. She loves going to car shows with her dad? Money money money.

Natasha, 31, an event planner from New York, New York

Kelli: I’m confused about what makes Natasha “mysterious.” You can’t just call yourself mysterious. That’s not how it works. However, based on her overall style, I’m willing to entertain the possibility that she’s a vampire slayer.

Emily: Not gonna lie. I would take a disco yoga class. Make it happen, Natasha.

Susan: Sign me the hell up for disco yoga, too. The note about going out for big dinners she planned makes me think she puts all the effort into her relationships/friendships, which could be a positive but also sounds very tiring. 

Mary: Was someone under the impression that mysterious wasn’t sexy? Natasha, why? I’m rooting for her solely because she’s 31. 

Payton, 23, a business development representative from Wellesley, Massachusetts

Kelli: I was wondering why this bio focused so much on Payton’s college relationship and then realized that she’s only 23. Apparently she’s the type of person who goes into a bar and leaves with 100 new friends, which raises a lot of questions for me. How big are the bars she’s going to? How many friends does she have? How does she keep up with that many friendships? Is she okay?

Emily: Girl, have you never gotten drunk at a bar and become best friends with everyone? And then you wake up the next morning with like ten girls’ phone numbers that you don’t remember? And you put their names into your phone as things like “Jennifer Cute Skirt”? No? Just me?

Susan: Emily, I hear you. True story: I met a girl in a bar when I was drunk and dancing during a trip to Savannah, and we occasionally still chat on Instagram. I think Payton’s biggest fear being “missing out” is a tell-tale sign of a very young person. 

Kelli: I'm an earth sign so this sounds chaotic as fuck.

Mary: I don’t know how the story of her long lost sibling wasn’t a bigger feature in this bio. That’s one of the most bonkers things I’ve seen in these bios so far. I also have questions about the bars she goes to, Emily. How many people can fit in those bars? 

Emily: Has no one heard of hyperbole around here?

Sarah, 24, a medical radiographer from Knoxville, Tennessee

Kelli: Podcasts are good! That’s the most interesting thing happening here. Sarah lists electronic music as something she loves, so I guess Sarah and Deandra are probably going to throw down at some point. 

Emily: Yes, I want to see an EDM battle. I wonder if Sarah listens to our podcast.

Susan: Besides paddle boarding, I also like all the things she likes, including electronic music. I think I would be her friend if I met her drunk in a bar. 

Mary: I hope she does listen to our podcast. Be our fan, Sarah! 

Savannah, 27, a realtor from Houston, Texas

Kelli: This girl has the face of a villain. There is a lot going on in this bio, and I have no idea how to feel about any of it. Vampire facials, laughing at inappropriate moments, shopping at Revolve (am I supposed to know what that is?), and self-identifying as “The Turtle Princess?” This is gonna be a wild ride, y’all.

Emily: I hope Revolve Clothing is paying her for this name drop. 

Susan: Past realtors on this show include Kalon McMahon and Chad “Chad Bear” Johnson. I’m just saying.

Mary: I’m getting really weird vibes from this bio. I want her to call herself the Turtle Princess. I want that to be in her title card. No job, just Turtle Princess.

Shiann, 27, an administrative assistant from Las Vegas, Nevada

Kelli: We officially have a Horse Girl™.

Emily: Shiann’s favorite part of her body is her lower back, so I hope this means she has a tramp stamp.

Susan: I want the tea on the guy she dated who ended up having a wife and two kids. He sounds lovely.

Mary: Emily, you totally beat me to what I was going to say! I love how her bio is like HORSE HORSE HORSE, but then it also mentions horseback riding in her bullet pointed list. 

Sydney, 24, a retail marketing manager from Birmingham, Alabama

Kelli: Why does this bio tell us the entire history of her last relationship? I was expecting there to be a crazy twist, but it’s just like, “he told her she wasn’t the one and they broke up.” Maybe he’s gonna come on the show and beg for her to take him back. 

Emily: Why is she planning fantasy vacations for her and her future husband? Why does she have to wait til she gets married to go to fun places?

Susan: As is my custom, I will root for her for Birmingham reasons. The best advice I can give her is to take one of those fantasy vacations yourself, girl! You will not regret it. 

Mary: What does it mean to be a “relationship kind of girl?” I’m seriously wondering here. How is anyone’s favorite holiday Valentine’s Day? She strikes me as the type of person who loves being in a relationship but doesn’t want to deal with the hard parts or realities of what being in a relationship entails. 

Tammy, 24, a house flipper from Syracuse, New York

Kelli: I don’t feel great about the fact that Tammy says she doesn’t relate well to “blonde barbie types.” However, reading about what she did to get on the wrestling team in high school is cool as fuck, and it sounds like she has had a really interesting past, so I’m looking forward to seeing what happens with her. 

Emily: What I’m getting from this bio is that Tammy thinks she’s “not like the other girls.” Which is terrible.

Susan: So...Tammy’s a villain, right? A villain with a bad vanity license plate.

Mary: SHE IS IN THE PROCESS OF TAKING OVER THE WORLD?! She’s definitely going to mean trouble in the mansion.

Victoria F., 25, a medical sales representative from Virginia Beach, Virginia

Kelli: A lot of dog people this season. That’s pretty much all I have to say. This bio is boring.

Emily: What is the name Buxton and why is this her dog’s name? I just googled it, and it’s the name of a wallet company. Maybe she really likes wallets.

Susan: Oh we’re gonna call out electronic music but not traveling long distances to see country shows? I see how it is. 

Mary: I feel pretty bleh about her. I don’t hate country music, but I also don’t want to loudly proclaim my love for it. I bet she loves Luke Bryan or something. Country I just can’t get behind.

Kelli: And I have liked country music in the past, but unfortunately on this show I feel like being super into country music is a signal that someone's a Trump supporter.

Victoria P., 27, a nurse from Alexandria, Louisiana

Kelli: Victoria P: the interesting one. She’s a beautiful pageant girl and has a tragic backstory, so I think she’ll go far. 

Emily: Um, I really like her. A couple of reasons: One, her hair is perfectly mussed in this picture for ultimate sexiness. Two, “nothing upsets Victoria more than finding raisins in her cookies.” Girl. Same. Soul sisters right here.

Susan: Finally, a bio that isn’t all about some frat dude being a shitty boyfriend. I want to hear more about her life, and I hope she sticks around for a while. We can agree to disagree on the raisins.

Mary: She fears chicken served on the bone?! Doesn’t like, I get. FEARS?! Seems extreme. I do agree that I like that her bio isn’t all about dudes she’s dated in the past. Women aren’t defined by the men they date. I realize the irony in me saying this about The Bachelor. 

And there you have it, boys and girls! The contestants for Peter Weber’s season of The Bachelor! We can’t wait to be back with recaps in two weeks. See you then.