Well, Bachelor Nation, Book Squad Goals is finally recapping a season of The Bachelor again, after taking a hiatus at the end of Matt James’ season. And this time, Emily has convinced Kelli to come along on this ride with her. Will Kelli and Emily regret this by the end of everything? Probably. But will we have fun along the way? Maybe.

But you’d better believe we’re not here to make friends. This is a competition for the ladies, but it’s also a competition for Kelli and Emily. Following this first episode, Kelli and Emily will draft their Bachelor teams and as the recaps continue throughout the season, they’ll continue to get points. The prize for winning? Bragging rights. And the journey we had along the way.

Come along with us as we draft our teams and reflect on episode one of Joey’s season.

Emily: So this decision to recap this season was really last minute and we’re not prepared at all. I cannot stress enough how little I’ve read about this season.

Kelli: Did you listen to the Love to See It cast bios episode?

Emily: Nope.

Kelli: Hahaha.

Emily: Vibes only. And reminder, everyone, we are spoiler-free.

Kelli: Well one thing you should know is that Marlena is a Trump staffer, so we might want to take that into consideration.

Emily: Oh wait I did see that on Instagram.

Anyway, I already called dibs on going first because I really only have one standout and if I don't get her, I don't want to play. Sort of like how if I can't play Yoshi in Mario Kart, I quit. She is my Yoshi. She’d better not let me down.

Kelli: I can’t wait to hear who she is.

Emily: I’m taking Daisy.

Kelli: Good pick!

Emily: I just got really good vibes from her. She seems sweet and chill and she has a good backstory.

Kelli: For sure. I think she'll go far. She really got the romcom edit with the Christmas tree farm story.

Emily: Yeah, I noted that the music they played for her entrance was the cute romcom music and not the silly entrance music.

Kelli: Correct. Okay, now I get to choose two right?

Emily: Yes.

Kelli: Okay. So I'm going to take Lea because she's MY Yoshi. I love her. The producers put her in an absolutely horrible position with that card, but she couldn't have played it better.

Emily: She's so cute. And she handled the envelope thing perfectly.

Kelli: Right. She made a bunch of allies in the house and also scored huge points with Joey.

Emily: I love that she made it about Joey and said she didn't want to take away his autonomy in this journey. And she is totally right. If he's into her, he's into her, and all the advantages in the world won't change that.

Kelli: Exactly. I also love her style and her nails. Not that that gets me any points, but.

Emily: Cuteness matters. Not for points, but just in life.

Kelli: Okay, next I'm going to take Maria.

Emily: Very solid pick. I feel like she's going to be drama.

Kelli: Absolutely. Though I have to admit, even though she seems like she might be a lot and like she's going to cause drama later, I do like her. She's obsessed with horror movies, which is amazing, and also the way she claimed she wasn't going to kiss Joey and then kissed him and went "oops" in her ITM was hilarious to me. Also, not for nothing, the Bachelor Horoscopes account informed me that she is a Virgo.

Emily: Wow, I need to do this very important research.

Kelli: Daisy: also a Virgo.

Emily: Daisy is a queen. Mark my words.

Okay, I'm going to take Lexi. She was the first out of the limo. She lives in Atlanta. She has a sob story all ready to go.

Kelli: I don't even remember what her sob story was. Oh wait, now I do. Endometriosis? Lol.

Emily: Yeah, she just said she had a "condition" where she can't have kids probably.

Kelli: Yeah. I know from listening to a cast bios episode before the premiere that it is Endometriosis and she posts about it regularly, so it's weird that they wouldn't specify on the show.

Emily: Well, either way, she's sad about it. I didn't love her lip filler, but I feel like Joey was into her.

Ok my next pick... I'm going with Rachel. I like that she didn't go with the cheap lei joke. She's actually Hawaiian (unlike Joey). And she was second out of the limo, which is also a good placement.

Kelli: Yes! I like her.

I'm going with Kelsey T for my first one because she also got romantic music and I feel like she's going to go far. She is the non-New Orleans Kelsey.

Emily: Yeah, I had her on my shortlist too. Good pick.

Kelli: Okay. And then I'm gonna pick Erika. She and Joey had great chemistry and I really like her energy.

Emily: I love her hair.

At this point, all the people from my list have been picked, so now we're really just going off of vibes. I will take Jess for the easy drama points.

Kelli: Yeah, good choice. Though she should be arrested for using the term "smoochie poo.”

Emily: Oh yeah, she’s horrible.

Emily: I'll go ahead and take Kelsey A, because ugh she's from New Orleans so I have to.

Kelli: Yes. I think she's so gorgeous, even though her use of the voodoo doll was questionable at best. She also has a sob story lined up.

Emily: Yeah, I really feel like voodoo dolls are not toys. It's appropriative at best, and like... you're going to kill Joey, at worst. Mark my words.

Kelli: Okay, so I guess I get two more now?

Emily: Yes.

Kelli: Okay. I'm choosing Jenn. Idk, she just seems like she'll be around for at least a few more weeks. We love a person who brings an activity.

Emily: Jenn was Ben (my husband)’s favorite. AKA the one he thought was the hottest. I noted that they didn't show her getting out of the go-kart because it probably was not graceful. Which bodes well for her because they did not want to make her look bad.

Kelli: And then I'm gonna pick Autumn. I feel like she's going to be doing a lot of narrating.

Emily: Poor Autumn picked the wrong guy to ask about his favorite season. Joey moved to Hawaii after all.

Kelli: I know.

Emily: Okay, I'm picking Katelyn because she's superrrrr cute and she's a radiochemist!

Kelli: Damn it, she was my next pick!

Emily: Even though her experiment was really underwhelming. I was like they put goggles on for this???

Kelli: You never know what might have happened. I LOVED her dress.

Emily: Next I'm picking Edwina because she BROUGHT FOOD and she's from Atlanta.

Kelli: She's soooo pretty. Those were genuinely my next two picks. Great minds think alike.

Emily: Haha sorry.

Kelli: I'm going to go ahead and take Allison, the younger sister and therefore the favorite.

Emily: Yeah okay, I hate to be like this, but Allison is WAY PRETTIER AND COOLER than her older sister. Like... her older sister has had so much work done she could barely move her face. And she's only 28!

Kelli: I know. And obviously do whatever you want with your face and your body but this show really is pretty depressing when it comes to amount of filler used.

Emily: At such a young age too.

Kelli: Okay, this is a purely personal and vibes-based pick, but I want Madina because she looks like the most gorgeous Disney villain I have ever seen in my life.

Emily: Seriously!

Kelli: The eyebrows!

Emily: The hair!

Some of these people now I'm like "who?"

Kelli: Lol, right?

Emily: I'll take Taylor because she already has beef with Jess.

I’m also taking Evalin. Do not have any notes on her but she looks cute.

Kelli: I believe she is the one who cried and then managed to get through, so you'll probably get more crying points in the future.

Emily: Oh, right. Perfect.

Kelli: Okay, I'm gonna take Chrissa because she's not a size negative zero and I will take that as a small win for body diversity. Plus she seemed fun and cool.

And then, why the hell not, I'll take Lauren and get all the points for any sister battles that occur.

Emily: Oh no does this mean someone is going to have to take Trump lady? Because we have an even number.

I don’t remember any of these people.

Kelli: Sydney I know owns a vintage clothing shop, only from the bios. Neither of them really got any screen time.

Emily: I'll go with Sydney because she did a tennis entrance. And then I guess I’ll take Trump lady because at least I remember who she is? I don’t feel good about it.

Kelli: Great. I am happy to have Starr, who is named Starr, and that counts for something.

Okay, I have my team name.

Emily: Do tell.

Kelli: Team Throw It In The Fire.

Emily: Nice! I'm going to go with Team Daisy is My Yoshi. Because her name is Daisy. I had to. Mario nerds, you feel me?

Kelli: Aw. Well, I look forward to all the mess to come! And to my first time as official co-recapper.

Emily: Welcome! You have made a great decision.

Emily’s Team - Team Daisy is My Yoshi

1. Daisy

2. Lexi

3. Rachel

4. Jess

5. Kelsey A

6. Katelyn

7. Edwina

8. Taylor

9. Evalin

10. Sydney

11. Marlena

Kelli’s Team - Team Throw it in the Fire

1. Lea

2. Maria

3. Kelsey T

4. Erika

5. Jenn

6. Autumn

7. Allison

8. Madina

9. Chrissa

10. Lauren

11. Starr