Emily: Welcome back, Bachelor fans. The week before hometowns always creeps up on us. One minute we have a bajillion prospective fiancées, and then suddenly we’re down to four. But to get there, first we have to journey to the beautiful Jasper, Canada, and by all appearances, this seems like the kind of place where you might actually get to ride a moose. Too bad Lea has to miss it.

Kelli: RIP.

Emily: I have to say for once, the tourism propaganda is really working on me. I had no idea where Jasper, Canada was before this, but now I suddenly have to go. I mean! The mountains! The trees! The rainbows!

Kelli: This part of Canada is indeed beautiful! It reminded me of Powell River, which is a tiny city close to Vancouver where a friend of mine lives. I visited her (and you, Emily) last summer and was totally blown away by how pretty it was there. But I’m sure this natural beauty is nothing to you, a Seattler (is that what you call yourselves over there?).

Emily: SEATTLEITE! Anyway, Joey is riding around on a motorcycle yet again. He says the reason the six remaining women are here is because he can see it growing into love with all of them. Still, he has to narrow it down to four by the end of this episode. Before he does that, however, he has to have his weekly tennis check-in with our host Jesse, who is superpowered here in Jasper, because, in case you forgot, Jesse is Canadian.

Kelli: The women are all freaking out because this is the last week before hometowns, and things are getting real. The first date card arrives and it goes to Daisy (20 points), which makes sense; she had the first one-on-one, so she should be the first repeat, right? The date card says something about “riding,” and we all know what that means: Awkward horse date. 

Emily: Jenn is getting in her head already, which we know as viewers does not bode well for her.  She says, “I’m crazy about him and last week I told him I was falling in love with him. That was a huge step for me.” She cries for 2 points and says she hates feeling this way.

Kelli: Maria comforts Jenn and validates her feelings, so 2 friendship points to Maria. It seems like she and Jenn are pretty close, which is sweet. It’s nice to see Maria getting along with everyone in the house now that the BULLIES are gone.

Emily: Joey says he feels like he is falling for Daisy, but Daisy is the only one who hasn’t expressed how she’s feeling about him. He thinks it’s because they haven’t had enough alone time. Basically, Joey checks his watch and says, “Yes, it’s time for Daisy to tell me she loves me o’clock. He is on L-O-V-E watch. 

Kelli: As the prophecy foretold, Daisy and Joey are riding horses. I know you had a particularly strong response to Daisy’s interaction with her horse, Emily.

Emily: Yes, but first, I just want to note that Daisy is NOT wearing a coat when she shows up for this date. To me, it seems way too cold for this, but she does live on a Christmas tree farm, so maybe winter is in her bones. Joey says she’s going to be riding thunder today and she says, “Me? Thunder, you’re mine.” Which is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. 3 points to Daisy for being the most adorable Bachelor contestant ever. 

Once they start riding on the horses, Joey gives Daisy his coat, so maybe she’s not a winter elf after all. 

Kelli: Eventually, they come upon a beautiful clearing with a natural hot tub (5 points) never before touched by man. God and nature have also provided changing screens on either side of the hot tub, so Joey and Daisy split up to change into their bathing suits. They emerge looking frigid but stunning. Daisy’s bikini is olive green and I love it.

Emily: Okay, I keep going back and forth on this. Maybe Daisy is a winter elf, because this does look freaking cold. My notes just say “IT IS COLD” about five times, and they take WAY TOO LONG to get into this hot tub. 

Kelli: This is the first of two times during this episode when Joey will be in a freezing situation with a woman who is somehow less cold than he is. 

Emily: Daisy said this all reminds her a lot of home, so I guess she spends a lot of time in bikinis in the cold back in Christmas Tree Farmville. She tells the camera she’s still not in love with Joey, which is going to be a huge problem for Joey’s expectations of this date.

Kelli: She’s obviously afraid that Joey is going to send her home when she tells him how she feels (or rather, doesn’t feel), but they still manage to have a nice makeout (2 points) and talk about what they’re looking for in future relationships. Joey wants someone he can’t imagine a life without, no matter what happens, and Daisy wants unconditional love, meaning someone who will still love you even on the days when they hate you. These desires align. It’s a match!

Emily: Daisy tells the camera that today has been one of her favorite days ever, and tonight she plans to tell Joey how she feels. It’s clear she knows what’s expected of her at this point. But she says, “It’s not what most people would do, but I’m just going to be honest and speak from my heart.”

Kelli: At dinner, we can tell that both Joey and Daisy want to have ‘a conversation,’ but I think Joey is expecting a declaration of falling, which Daisy isn’t ready to give him. She starts by telling him that her family is the most important thing in the world to her, so she really needs to see how Joey interacts with them before she can be a hundred percent sure. She admits that she isn’t there yet, but she can see herself getting there, and if there ever comes a time that she’s uncertain about that, she’ll let him know. 

Emily: Joey says he knows it’s scary, but he just wants her to feel confident letting him meet her parents, even if she’s not there yet. She says she knows her parents will have questions. Will he be there for her through everything? Through sickness and health? Joey tells her, “I did have a lot of expectations coming into tonight, because I wanted to make sure we’re on the same page. I have always appreciated your honesty and your realness and what you said didn’t scare me.” A true gem.

Kelli: Ultimately, Joey gives Daisy the rose for 10 points, which I think we all knew was going to happen. This is the first of two instances during this episode when Joey asks himself a pretty valid question: is hesitancy about this situation a red flag, or a green one? Obviously, he wants someone who feels certain about him, but he also knows that if someone is willing to be honest about their uncertainty, that means they’re taking this process very seriously. I would be confused by this too, but I tend to lean towards skepticism myself, so I’d probably trust another skeptic before trusting a true believer.

Emily: Agree 100%. Daisy says she’s so excited that he’s coming to meet her parents. She says she’s literally crying, but I don’t see any tears, so RIP. No points for me. She asks him if he’s been to Minnesota, and he says no. She says, “We’re gonna have a great time.”

Then, Joey tells Daisy he has one more surprise for her. They’re going to play hockey! Sorta. Mostly, they just make out while wearing ice skates. Daisy continues to be cute by saying in an ITM, “I’m falling… oh my gosh… I think it’s happening.”

Kelli: Back at the house, the group date card has been issued. Going on the final group date of the season are: Kelsey T, Maria, Rachel, and… Jenn. This means that Jenn has been skipped chronologically in the second one-on-one timeline, and Kelsey A will be getting that date instead (20 points). Jenn is really upset about this, and she leaves the room. Maria is also upset, even though Maria had a one-on-one date last week and knows she isn’t going to get one this week. The editors try to make it look like the women have rude initial reactions and cut to Maria rolling her eyes, but at this point I think they’re just trying to orchestrate interpersonal drama where there isn’t any.

Emily: Time for the date no one wanted to go on! The ladies are going to be lumberjacks (or lumberJILLS, rather, because they are ladies and everything women do has to be lady-fied). They throw axes at things, and Maria is clearly NOT into it. She says, “I don’t camp. I glamp.”

Kelli: A woman named Anita is going to teach them how to do lumberjill things. She is a five-time champion of what is evidently a very real sport. Good for the lumberjills. I wonder why they didn’t go with lumberjane? I guess because of jack and jill, but why does everything a woman do have to be linked to a man? 

Speaking of women, I want to point out that at one point, Rachel smashes an ax into a giant log, and Jenn yells “that was hot!” 2 points to Jenn for saying something gay.

Emily: Next up, they race and drink milk? I hated this so much. Rachel is lactose intolerant but she drinks the milk anyway. I simply wouldn’t do it.

Kelli: Yeah, it’s gross as hell and looks like it has the consistency of Elmer’s glue. No thanks!

Kelsey T wins the competition for 5 points. She won on the tennis doubles date, too. What a talented woman.

Emily: Meanwhile, Joey is in the middle of an ITM when Jenn steals him for a good luck kiss (2 points). This seems like it’s been an ok move in the past, but no one is in the mood to watch Joey make out with other women right now. Maria is pissed and says, “Did they forget that I have an axe?”

Kelli: It’s funny that everyone is mad about this because it really doesn’t feel like a big deal. It’s not like she stole him away from someone else or even did it super intentionally in front of the other women. They were in the distance! Let Jenn live!

The women get changed for their evening date. It feels kind of weird at this point because while Joey is doing his one-on-ones the other three women have to sit there awkwardly and not talk about how they all hope he sends everyone else home. Joey pulls Jenn first.

Emily: Jenn tells Joey she’s excited for him to meet her family, but her family is complicated. They’re Vietnamese and there are parts of her that her mother will never really understand. She has a lot of anxiety because she’s never brought anyone home, and she’s worried Joey won’t feel comfortable with them. Joey says that isn’t going to change how he feels about her. They kiss again. Jenn says she’s happy about what Joey said but she also worries he’s saying the same thing to everyone else. That Jenn is a smart cookie. 

Kelli: I also want to point out that Jenn is the one whose parents got in really awful fights when she was growing up, and her dad is no longer in her life, so she’s got a lot going on when it comes to a potential hometown. I felt bad for her because it seems like she was already comparing her family situation in her head with some of the other women, and that she feels like her circumstances might make her less appealing for the top four. I hate that the structure of this show dictates a ‘family visit.’ I think that the hometown date should just be the ‘take the lead to do whatever you want’ date, and if that includes meeting your family, so be it. Also, I think you should be able to have sex with someone before you meet their family, but I guess that makes me a heretic.

Anyway, Joey talks to Kelsey T next. She tells him that her dad doesn’t even know about where she is, so Hometowns are a bit up in the air, but her heart feels full when she’s with Joey and that’s what matters. He reassures her, too. 

Next, he talks to Rachel, who shows him a picture of her parents when they were younger to get him as pumped for Hometowns as she is. 

Emily: While Rachel talks to Joey, we don’t really get to focus on what Rachel and Joey are talking about because Maria is the main character of this season and she is SPIRALING. The conversation between Maria and Joey was A LOT, so I’ll just give you some of the highlights.

Deep breaths. Try to keep up. Maria says she sees Joey as hers and she wants him to be excited about him being hers. Joey says, “You always discredit what we have.” Maria says bringing him to his family when he’s “that way” with other women doesn’t sit right with her. She says she doesn’t know if she can do this anymore. He says he understands but he’s not going to fight to make her stay. She walks out like she’s going to leave the show (yeah right). And just as quickly, she comes back and is like, “I might have overreacted.” Joey says, “I’m not going to be with someone who can’t see it and trust it… You’re not even going to kiss me tonight?”
And she’s like no cause you need to learn your lesson, but then of course she does kiss him (2 points). He says, “You’re all over the place, woman.”

Kelli: Some people online are reading this as manipulative, but I don’t really see it that way. I think Maria is an anxious person and she worked herself up and freaked herself out. This is probably exactly how I would behave if I went on this show, knowing how much I overthought everything back when I was dating. I was constantly pulling away from things too quickly because I’d convince myself it wasn’t right, and when I did stick to something I’d be spiraling about when and why it would go wrong. 

I do think it’s telling that Joey says he understands that this is just the way Maria is, and that being with her and being married to her would mean having these conversations with her while she talks through her feelings. He tells her that this part of her personality is also something he loves about her, which is a kind thing to say in a moment when she’s feeling self conscious about spiraling.

This is the second time in the episode that Joey wonders whether a contestant’s uncertainty is a good thing or a bad thing. Just like with Daisy, he’s now questioning if Maria might up and leave, or reject him if it’s the two of them at the end of this — but maybe her anxiety over this just shows how much she cares, and maybe the women who are acting more confident are the ones who are going to abandon him. Either way, Joey is terrified that he’s going to end up alone.

Anyway, eventually Joey returns to the women. He says “I’m sitting here in front of four remarkable women,” and I couldn’t help but think he sounded like Tyra on ANTM before she eliminates someone. He tells them that he can’t give out the rose tonight because he needs more time. They’re disappointed, naturally, but what can you do? 

Emily: At this point, I feel like this is just how these final group dates go. It seems pretty common for the Bachelor(ette) to decide against giving out a rose at this stage. And who can blame them? You don’t really get to learn anything new from a group date, and from a production standpoint, it takes out some of the suspense from that final rose ceremony if there’s only one more rose to give out. Usually it’s pretty clear who that one rose will go to in that case. So yeah, I say let’s stop pretending like a rose will be handed out at the end of this group date. All it does is make the women panic, which I know is part of the point. But still. It’s just a really predictable move. Sort of like canceling the cocktail party.

Kelli: Joey would never do that!

Now it's time for Kelsey A’s one-on-one. They’re going to explore the city of Jasper. They try on hats and sunglasses and drink hot cocoa. Joey says, “Be honest, when was the last time you had hot cocoa?” And Kelsey says, “Yesterday.” This killed me.

A random man who is not a producer plant tells them that today just so happens to be the town’s annual polar plunge. Kelsey A nearly loses her shit with excitement at the prospect of running into a frigid lake, to which I ask: girl, you okay?

Emily: I guess 2 points to Kelsey A for living out her weird freaky dreams. These bozos run out into the frigid water, and while everyone else runs right back out immediately like any sane person would, friggin’ Kelsey A forces Joey to stay in the water with her much longer while they make out. This is bonkers. I was shouting at the TV, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT!” Joey says he doesn’t want to stop kissing Kelsey or holding her. Partly because she’s so hot, yes, but I would also bet it’s because he’s afraid he’s freezing to death. 2 points to Kelsey A for all the kissing.

Kelli: Later, the two of them sit down for dinner and a Serious Talk About Hometowns. Kelsey is hoping that her four siblings will be present for the visit, but she is certain that her dad will be. She talks a little bit more about their relationship, saying that growing up she wasn’t very close with her dad because he worked a lot, but that changed when her mom got sick. She cries (2 points) as she talks about how grateful she is to her father for stepping up to take care of five kids when he’d just lost the love of his life. She obviously admires him tremendously.

They talk about their fears, and while we already know Joey’s (he’s only been forced to express it to camera one million times), we learn that Kelsey is afraid Joey won’t be 100% sure about her in the end, or that he might not be able to decide between two women. I am very curious to see which of the many fears we’ve learned about this season will come to fruition. 

Emily: Probably all of them. Either way, Joey gives her the rose (10 points) and Kelsey is SO EXCITED! She’s taking Joey to New Orleans. It was at this point where I was like, “Oh yeah, this is the voodoo doll girl.” 

Kelli: Maybe she and Joey will go to a voodoo doll making class. We can only hope. Just kidding, don’t do that Kelsey.

Emily: Remember how earlier I said they always cancel cocktail parties right when the ladies are so on edge they’re about to tear their extensions out? It’s time. Jesse shows up to let the ladies know that there will be no cocktail party. They’re going straight to the rose ceremony. 

Kelli: Everyone is really upset about this. Honestly, if I were them, I would feel worse if Joey still needed another hour of conversation with everyone to decide whose families he wanted to meet. Like, you should know by now.

Emily: As they line up for the rose ceremony, all I could think about was, “WTF IS GOING ON WITH DAISY’S DRESS?” It was bright yellow with a lot of poof at the bottom. Like she was literally channeling Princess Daisy in honor of the Daisy is My Yoshi team. It was wild.

Kelli: I did not register this dress at all. This might have been the point of the episode where I was eating an ice cream cone. I was pretty focused on that.

Emily: Joey is much more serious than I am. He knows he has a difficult task ahead of him. He has to say goodbye to two of these amazing women. Joey says it crushes him to have to send two of these women home tonight… and then he asks to talk to Maria.

At that point, Rachel says exactly what I was thinking: “I thought we didn’t have time to talk to him tonight.”

Kelli: Lol, right. Maria goes with Joey, and he tells her that it would’ve felt wrong to have the rose ceremony without having a conversation with her first. If that’s the case, maybe he should’ve had the cocktail party after all.

Basically, he’s afraid that Maria is going to leave, and he isn’t satisfied with how they left things after their last conversation. Maria reiterates that she doesn’t want to leave, and that she wants to prove to him she won’t. Evidently, this is all he needed to hear. 

Emily: With that, Joey returns and gives a rose to… Rachel… and Maria. That means Jenn and Kelsey T are going home. A huge blow for Team Throw it in the Fire.

Kelli: Yeah, so… Maria is my only remaining girlie. She has been carrying my team on her back this entire time, so I can only hope she’ll make it to at least the final three. 

It felt kind of weird to me that women who’ve had as significant relationships with Joey as Jenn and Kelsey T just leave in the normal way without special conversations or being walked out, but I guess when two people leave at the same time it’s kind of awkward to walk them out to the car together, lol. In the car, Jenn says she hopes she’ll find someone as special as Joey one day. I feel confident that she will. Maybe even on Paradise. ;)

Emily: Agreed! I wanted more from them. But hopefully Paradise will happen and we will see them again soon, because I love them both. What a nice group of women. Okay, how did our teams do?

Emily’s Team - Team Daisy is My Yoshi

• Daisy - 40

• Rachel -

• Kelsey A - 36

LAST WEEK: 364
NEW TOTAL:  440

Kelli’s Team - Team Throw it in the Fire

• Maria - 4

• Kelsey T - 5

• Jenn - 6

LAST WEEK:  328
NEW TOTAL:  343

Team Daisy is My Yoshi pulls ahead with a staggering lead this week. Will Team Throw it in the Fire be able to catch up? Tune in next time to find out!