Things are heating up in Are You the One? land on Monday nights.

Who could have predicted there was going to be so much drama at semi-nude Under the Sea party? And we’re gonna get there and talk about. But let’s take it from the top.

Everyone’s excited they got three beams this week, and Danny, who is Mr. Math, is trying to figure out who those beams are. They recreate the first match up ceremony to figure out which of those matches are now confirmed no-matches and go from there. They’re left with four couples who are potentially a match: Jonathan and Basit, Jenna and Jasmine, Danny and Kai, and Justin and Max. Of those four couples, two of them are the beams from week one. We all know Jonathan and Basit are a match, so that means one of the other three couples is a match. Here’s hoping it’s Justin and Max.

Although the house wants Jenna to explore her connection with Jasmine because of “strategy,” Jenna is all in on Amber now. Jenna says she’s so bad at being aggressive with women who are feminine. Guys are easy because they’re going to like hot girls, but women are intimidating. I can see that. It must be so hard being a hot girl flirting with another hot girl. That was sarcasm, for those of you not paying attention.

Meanwhile, Remy is fully committing to going after Paige. He says he’s had a crush on her since day 1 and finds her very intriguing. Paige is not feeling it at all. Remy tells Paige that he probably reminds her of all the worst boys she’s ever been with in her life. She says he definitely does. This is not her being flirty. This is her shooting him down. And yet Remy says, "“She’s literally a siren, and I’m happy to be lured to my death, truly.” Poetry.

Let’s set up some more Nour/Kai drama. Nour says she does not share, but Kai “shares” with everyone soooo… this is going to be a rough ride. Kai is trying to get all over Nour and Nour calls him a “horny ass motherfucker.” Kai says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” So Nour tells him, “I’m not going to have sex, okay?” Kai, once again proving that he’s drunk all the time, responds, “I mean, I’m a proud slut, sooo… you’re fine. I respect you.”

Kai’s secretly (not so secretly) still feeling Jasmine, who continues to do this…

So. You know. This is going to end well.

CHALLENGE TIME! Every time the challenge arrives, I think to myself, wow, I’m so glad the challenge is back. This one is fairly straightforward compared to previous weeks. A headline will pop up. Everyone has to write down who they think the headline is referring to. Here are some examples:

“Wet Dreams May Come: Mom Marks Milestone” - Everyone guesses this headline is about Remy, and they are right. When he was a kid, he thought he wet the bed and he told his mom, but it was actually his first wet dream. Yikes.

“Birthday Blowout Drowned by Drama” - Surprise! This was Nour starting some shit at a birthday party. This is very on brand.

“Bare Bae Bails to Balcony” - This one’s Kai. He was cheating on his ex-girlfriend and had to send a girl out onto his balcony naked while he talked things over with this girl. Kai is trash.

Anyway, the two people who get the most right are Jenna and Basit. I’m really not surprised because Basit pays such close attention to everyone in the house and seems to be the community counselor. We don’t need you, Dr. Frankie. We have Basit.

The twist? Basit and Jenna can only pick from the people that the guessed correctly. So as much as Basit would love to take Jonathan on a date, he can’t because he didn’t get Jonathan’s right.

I know Jonathan’s bummed about it, but let’s think about this for a second. We don’t need Basit and Jonathan to go into the booth because we already know they’re a match and it wouldn’t give the viewers any new information. Also, if these two went into the booth, Basit would be off our television screens and onto the honeymoon suite. I don’t think I’m ready to lose Basit, are you?

Anyway, instead Basit picks Kai and Nour. Jenna picks Jasmine and Amber.

That night, they play a good old game of Suck & Blow which reminds me of Clueless every time anyone plays it (GOD ELTON, CAN’T YOU SUCK?). I love Clueless. Thanks to this game, Remy’s wildest dreams come true and he get to make out with Paige. Remy tells the cameras, “I think she sees it a little bit. She hates it and I love that.” OK we’ll see.

Justin is also making out with other people (because of the game), and Max is not happy. He’s making a sad fish face. To be fair, though, Justin has given Max cause to get jealous. Max says, “It’s not unjust insecurity. It’s real. I just want to get the hell out of this house because it’s kind of a recipe for disaster. Honestly that freaks me the hell out.”

On the date, the kids go scuba diving. Jenna says she loves it because it make it’s makes her feel like Aquaman. See, I would go with The Little Mermaid, and that’s why Jenna and I are not a match, despite her Harry Potter tattoo.

After the scuba adventure, the threesomes sit down to chat. Basit tells Kai and Nour, “I just invited y’all on the date so you can connect. Thank me at the wedding.”

Jenna is hanging out with Amber and Jasmine. She feels a romantic connection with Amber, but she still wants to get to know Jasmine and understand why they might be a perfect match.

Truth booth time! And the house picks…

Jenna and Jasmine. No surprise there. It’s also no surprise that Jenna and Jasmine are… NOT A MATCH. This increases the chances that Justin and Max are a beam, and they’re excited. Because of this no match, they’re also realizing that other people are not matches. It’s all happening.

Terrence J announces that they will have an Under the Sea party. Everyone’s excited. They’re going to have glitter on their bodies for years after this party.

After Terrence J goes back to his hidey hole, the gang starts drinking. Nour is getting drunk, and Kai says he’s turned off by it. Kai says, “I told Nour and Jasmine that I’m pursuing both of them. Nour’s not listening because I’m not saying what she wants to hear.” Nour is really stubborn and doesn’t care that Kai has never been loyal to anyone. She expects loyalty from him. Okay let’s see how that works out…

Kai and Jasmine go to the Boom Boom Room. Almost immediately, Nour walks in on them and gets dramatic. She says, “You go in the boom boom room with someone else? While I’m making a sandwich?” And we all know that what she really mean to say was “Right in front of my salad?”

Nour says, “I’m done with you.” Kai is like cool can I get back to fucking now? He does not care. AT ALL.

At the Under the Sea party, Amber is getting in on this Max and Justin sandwich. Amber tells Max, “Sorry Max I might have to steal your man.” Max responds, “That’s not cool.” And based on next week’s previews, more is going to happen with this, so stay tuned.

Nour is not over the Kai thing. She tells Kai as soon as he’s done with his photo shoot, she wants to talk. The whole house is on high alert. Amber says, “Oooh she about to pop off. Let me go get my Doritos.” Someone cries out, “Oh no there’s drama already? We just started!”

While this feud is simmering, let’s check in on some other people. Remy is using this opportunity to flirt with Paige. Paige is still not feeling it. She says (and this is paraphrasing a bit, but basically this is what she says): “I feel like I keep fishing and I keep casting out my net and catching the Remy rock. I keep thinking it’s a fish and it’s Remy.” Harsh, but also… Remy, maybe back off for a bit?

Somewhere else in this glittery under the sea party, Jonathan and Basit are camping it up. Jonathan says he loves that Basit is able to inspire things and bring things out of him. And that’s sweet and all. But listen. Here’s my thing. What is Jonathan bringing to the table? I really don’t get it.

Alright. The Nour and Jasmine drama is boiling over. Let’s check back in.

Remy gets a front row seat to the drama, and he’s trying not to miss it.

Nour finds Jasmine and says, “I do need to talk to you about something.” Jasmine does not seem interested in talking through this with Nour. Jasmine says neither she nor Kai did anything wrong. It’s important for everyone to keep their options open; however, if Nour has a problem with how Kai is acting, she should discuss that with Kai.

Jenna says, “I don’t think Nour should be attacking Jasmine because at the end of the day, we know whose fault this is.”

Yuuuup. Kai is trash y’all. Everyone is kind of over it. I’ve been over it since day one. Especially because now, due to Kai drama, we don’t get a Match Up Ceremony. I’m pissed.

Nobody stood out to me this week because I’m so mad about not getting a Match Up Ceremony. All you bitches are in time out.

And on that note: SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!