Emily: We’re back, and Charity has fewer guys than ever before. Fourteen to be exact. Quick housekeeping: I guess Bonnie lost a Caleb last week, and we forgot to make a note of it. So that’s one down for Team Drama Queenz. Meanwhile, I lost, like, half my team last week, but who’s counting? I guess we’ll see how it all shakes out this week. I’m scared.

Bonnie: Lol that neither of us noticed we were down one more Caleb. I think your team is still in pole position with Xavier and Aaron. You’ve lost the weak links. Your team is only getting stronger!

We start out this week with a “fresh start” according to the remaining Caleb, and there are 14 men left. 13 of these men apparently think Brayden is TOXIC. If you’re worrying about another contestant…..maybe start worrying about yourself.

Charity comes in with a fun pink lame jacket. Possibly a nod to the Barbie date we’ll see later in this episode? She tells the men she wants to be intentional and has made a “very big decision.” She just can’t continue this journey with them……in the mansion. They’re going to…..OCEANSIDE!

Emily: Okay, but I have heard that the beds in the mansion are super uncomfortable and borderline safety hazards. So I feel like right now the men are just excited to sleep in a hotel bed.

Bonnie: To be fair, who doesn’t love a hotel bed? What a treat!

Emily: So the first one on one date of the week goes to Brayden. Somehow Brayden and Charity are perfectly matching this week. So either it’s meant to be or Brayden is a mind reader or… I don’t know. Either way, 20 points to him.

Bonnie: Her face when she announces the date is going to Brayden. Like she KNOWS this is going to stir up some DRAMAAAAA. I love it. The red convertible makes another appearance. Charity is IN CONTROL. She is in the driver’s seat of her journey to love! Or I assume that’s what we’re supposed to take from this.

The men are all foolishly debating if Brayden will make it back from the date. Fools. He has the coveted helicopter ride date. Of course he’s coming back! I’ve seen Brayden reposting memes of himself on Insta, and it’s kind of endearing. He also claimed he doesn’t know who Nick Viall is, which was great. I appreciate a man who can take a joke, laugh at himself, and potentially piss off Nick Viall. Brayden seems like A LOT, but honestly…..also kind of fun? As a friend or casual situation anyway.

Emily: Meanwhile, on the bus, the rest of the guys are slowly making their way down to Oceanside. Up to Oceanside? Down, right? Yes, because it seems like Oceanside is basically in San Diego. Did I just open Google Maps to check? Yes, I did.

Bonnie: BUS BOYZ UPDATE! So glad they didn’t get a party bus for the journey. Heaven forbid anyone have fun while Adrian is still here. Also, I too Google Mapped Oceanside. It’s approximate a two to FIVE hour drive from the Bachelor Mansion….depending on what time you leave. California traffic is WILD.

Emily: 3 points to Xavier for making the most of his time on the bus and getting a little knitting done. Sorry, he’s so cute.

Bonnie: THE CUTEST! Now back to the date. It’s a sports date in some stadium. Petco stadium? Who knows. What team mascot is a monk??? I’m so confused.

Emily: As is typical on these Bachelor/ette sports dates, Brayden and Charity are given custom jerseys. And I just want to say I looooooved that they said Mr. and Mrs. Lawson, because yesss normalize taking your wife’s name (or at the very least, not just taking your husband’s name by default).

Bonnie: I think I was spacing out because…..baseball, but full support to this!!! I refuse to ever change my name. We need to start normalizing all options. If you must have the same last name, maybe there should be a debate on who has the coolest last name and go with that.

Emily: Agree!

Bonnie: We find out Brayden was bad at catching and that he broke his nose while playing catch with his dad. Yet his love for baseball endures. Charity shows off some of her cheerleading skills and assists Brayden with a back bend. Pretty impressed with Brayden’s backbend. My back could never. That flexibility earns him the kiss - 2 points.

Emily: Yeah, even the thought of doing that backflip makes me afraid I would break my neck, so kudos to both of them.

Bonnie: Bus Boyz are now HOTEL BOYZZZZ and VERY happy about it.

Emily: Again, I’m sure they’re so excited to not be sleeping in those mansion bunk bed disasters anymore. Can’t say I blame them.

Bonnie: Back at the field, there are more kisses happening. There’s a moment where Charity awkwardly laughs, and it made me doubt whether she likes Brayden that much or if the producers just like Brayden that much. Brayden decides to bring up that he already has THE FEAR. He has suddenly forgotten what he signed up for.

Emily: Brayden very much seems like the type of person who doesn’t feel like anyone has valid feelings besides himself. It does not surprise me at all that he’s shocked that other people are on this show and also seem to have feelings for the lead. How dare they. How dare she. Speaking of the other guys…

Bonnie: HOTEL BOYZZZ - Date card arrives. Joey, Aaron B, Yacht Michael, Donut James, Wrestler Caleb, Fireman Aaron S, Sean the Flop, Xavier, Tanner, Adrian, Dotun, JOHN.

Emily: The date card says “Ken you feel the love tonight.” And all the guys are like “WTF could this possibly mean? Why is Charity so bad at spelling?” But us Barbie girls know. This is gonna be a Barbie date.

Bonnie: This also means the 1:1 goes to Warwick (20 points). The men are all confused about why he got the date because he’s so quiet. I initially thought this was RUDE, but……yeah, nevermind. Valid.

Emily: Look, ok, as someone who is also sleepy MOST OF THE TIME, I want to still give Warwick the benefit of the doubt, but we’ll get there.

Bonnie: Back to the date. Charity is worried Brayden has expressed wanting to leave and can’t handle this process. Brayden pulls out a story about being cheated on to frame this as being linked to TRAUMA. He expresses that Charity is worth staying for, and he wants to try and push through his TRAUMA to try with Charity. They exchange messages on baseballs. Charity gives him the rose with some WE’LL SEE/Producers said I had to energy. 10 points. More kissing.

Emily: I also want to note that there are fireworks on the baseball screen thing. Idk what it’s called. I’m not a baseball girlie, but y’all know what I’m talking about. Normally, we give contestants 5 points for real fireworks. But considering how REAL fireworks were responsible for a whole lot of wildfires over 4th of July weekend, we’ll give Brayden the full five points for these fake fireworks because, like, they were environmentally cautious here.

Bonnie: Support that. I hate fireworks. Not good for the creatures!!! If my dog hates them, I HATE THEM.

Emily: AGREE. Anyway, let’s get to the date we all came for this week… THE BARBIE DATE Y’ALL. JoJo and Jordan are there to host. JoJo and Jordan are basically the Ken and Barbie of The Bachelor or something, so this makes sense. Charity is wearing an all-pink outfit and says she’s looking for the Ken to her Barbie. And how will she find him? All these guys are going to dress up like different Ken dolls and sing her a song to the tune of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

Bonnie: We get a special message from Simu Liu, a real life VERIFIED Bachelor fan, and one of the stars in the upcoming Barbie movie.

Emily: I LOVE HIM. Wish he could have been there in person, but he is busy, I guess. I really thought this was a cute date idea. I wish we could have seen more of the costumes. But let’s break down some of our faves?

Bonnie: I saw the GLITTER BEACH KEN costume and was excited to see who would be so bold. It was our colorful narrator, Fireman Aaron. Joey wisely chooses rollerblade Ken. Probably the best look of the bunch.

Emily: I used to have rollerblade Barbie, so the rollerblade look really spoke to my inner child.

Bonnie: Wondering if John CHOSE birthday suit Ken or was he just the slowest??? Xavier is “Sugar’s Daddy Ken.” I assume we’ll learn more about that in the movie…..if that is a real Ken…..please let me know.

Emily: Yeah, I have no idea. Sean says he looks exactly like Ken, and if Ryan Gosling hadn’t been cast as the role of Ken in the Barbie movie, then it should have been him. I think I speak for both Bonnie and myself when I say, “NO.”

Bonnie: MAJOR NO.

Emily: Another favorite for me was Dotun as astronaut Ken. Michael, on the other hand, was not a fan. He says Dotun looks like he’s wearing a Halloween costume: “How are you in space without an oxygen tank?” Dude, I don’t think Dotun designed the costume. Also, are Barbie costumes known for their accuracy??

Bonnie: Also…..is he not aware these are all….COSTUMES? I don’t know what he was expecting…..They’re not actually going to be in the movie. Dotun is WORKING that wig, and he’s just jealous. I think Dotun deserves 1 point for his wig work because it was truly inspiring. The hair flips!!

Emily: Totally jealous. Our last Caleb standing is dressed up as cowboy Ken. Apparently he thinks he can really sing, but I found his performance painful. The rest of the guys seem to be impressed, but Charity has her eyes on another Ken… Yes, it’s Sean. For some reason. Sean, as double denim Ken, sings Charity a song that does not rhyme and then rips off his denim vest, which I guess just makes him single denim Ken.

Bonnie: Ok…..Sean gets a KISS for his tragic performance. Like, REALLY? 2 points. He also wins the date challenge and gets “1:1 date time” or whatever. 5 undeserved points for “winning” the group date challenge. I would like to note that in his song he talked about “making sons” with Charity. I threw up in my mouth.

Emily: Grosssss. Fireman Aaron is so mad Sean gets the extra time, and he says some gross stuff about how Sean isn’t a real man. Apparently, real men don’t take you shopping. Real mean fish, hunt, go camping, waterski… It was a weird list of things.

Bonnie: To be fair, I think his rant was more about money than the actual things. I know he mentioned golfing as well. Sean has MONEY, but does he have real love for Charity???? No. Does Aaron? Also probably no, but at least Aaron is a lol. Aaron did make a comment about asking Sean if he’s an only child, and was I mildly offended? Yes. Don’t put me in a group with SEAN THE FLOP.

Emily: At least Aaron knows how to do outdoor activities. I think one of his points was that Aaron seems like an indoor kid? No idea. Aaron out here alienating the shopaholic only-children everywhere.

Bonnie: Still Team Aaron over Sean the Republican any day. I mean….maybe Aaron is also a republican….who knows, but at least his dad isn’t a republican government official of any kind….that we know of. Also, seeing him be so salty in his glitter top was a delight.

Emily: Sean saunters into the evening portion of the date singing his dumb Barbie song, which none of the guys love. Meanwhile, Charity comes in looking absolutely STUNNING in a black dress with little bows down the sleeves and a super cute pink coat that still harkens back to the Barbie date earlier. I loved this look. She looks so cute here.

Bonnie: So cute!!! WE LOVE BOWS.

Emily: Charity says she’s so excited to talk to everyone, but honestly it seems like she’s the MOST excited to talk to Dotun.

Bonnie: Sean pulls Charity first, and the men are NOT PLEASED. He just had time with her, and now he’s taking more of it before any of them have had 1:1 time with her. John feels like it was disrespectful, but he’s staying focused on his time with Charity. We found out John played guitar on his worship team. Again, no one is perfect. Charity is undeterred, and John gets a kiss for making her feel comfortable (2pts).

Emily: She takes Dotun back to her hotel room, and Dotun seems genuinely touched to be getting so much special alone time with Charity. I love Dotun so much.

Bonnie: Charity likes pushing Dotun out of his comfort zone. I was like…..is this a dom/sub dynamic? I mean, would be very here for that. Anyway, she wants to give him time and space that’s more intimate, and Dotun appreciates it so much. Dotun says she’s his IDEAL WOMAN. This makes Charity cry (5 pts). They are so cute together!!!! He makes her feel seen and appreciated. We are so here for this!!! Dotun gets a kiss (2 pts), and he wins the group date rose (10 pts).

A few other highlights of this for me: Aaron was UPSET that he did not get time with Charity. Secret drama player. His inner drama meter is slowly building. It’s only a matter of time before he CRACKS. Also, sure Sean “won” the challenge, but he DIDN’T win the group date rose, which we all know is the real prize in this situation.

Emily: Okay… we’re finally to the last date of the evening, and it’s the 1-on-1 with Warwick. Everyone is still baffled by this choice. Everyone says they don’t even know who Warwick is. Aaron S. says, “The most dangerous man in a room full of men is the one who stays silent and just observes.” And maybe that man is Warwick? (spoiler: it’s not)

Bonnie: Yeah…..I was offended by this, and then…..well, you know. ::Tear::

Emily: Meanwhile, we hear NOTHING from Warwick before the date. I have to believe they have footage of him saying SOMETHING before the date, but they have chosen to leave his narration out, which is not a good sign. Still, he’s so cute.

Bonnie: Yeah, surely he said SOMETHING. The producers are here to give us a STORY. Not the truth. Honestly….I’m here for them making this a lot more amusing than it probably was.

Emily: Charity basically admits the only reason she chose Warwick for this date is because she’s physically attracted to him. She doesn’t know much about him, but she’s hoping that some 1-on-1 time will get him out of his shell. (spoiler: it won’t)

Bonnie: The one thing we can all agree on. Warwick is very cute. I mean, why do you think I picked him??? Should have seen it coming.

Emily: Okay, if all the guys seem to think he’s boring and doesn’t have a lot going on, then that’s probably at least somewhat true! But, one thing I do want to say in Warwick’s defense. It seems like this date starts super late at night. He’s clearly VERY tired. If he’s shy anyway, I can imagine it’s extra hard to get out of your shell and be interesting on a televised date if it starts at 1am or however late it was.

Bonnie: So I looked this up. They had Belmont Park all to themselves. Google says it closes at 11pm every day. Assuming they filmed this outside of normal park operation hours, the park would close, they’d need time to clean, and the crew would need time to set up for filming. I’m definitely thinking this date was after 1am. As a night owl, this would work great for me, but if you usually go to bed at a “decent” hour….not so much. Warwick also mentions amusement parks make him tired. Not a cold brew in sight, so he didn’t stand a chance.

Emily: Charity and Warwick have an amusement park all to themselves. This is a date I would LOVE, because I love amusement parks, and I love doing activities on dates. But Charity is not having a great time on this date. She’s upset Warwick didn’t scoop her ice cream, but she also chose the worst flavor ice cream (cotton candy? The only thing worse would have been bubblegum), so maybe Warwick was just trying to help her out after all.

Bonnie: Maybe her choosing cotton candy ice cream gave him the ick. We’ll never know. It truly is a strange choice. Charity’s only mis-step in the season so far. I agree that this would be an ideal date. No queues???? All the rides you want??? Sign me up! I’m sad Charity isn’t getting to enjoy it. I don’t know if we’ve seen this many awkward pauses on a 1:1 EVER. Charity asks what his best attribute in dating is. Does he answer? We’ll never know. This was a rough date to watch. At first it was funny, then it was painful. A rollercoaster, if you will. Warwick expresses reluctance to get into relationships because he doesn’t have experience with them. Sounds like this isn’t a problem he has any interest in fixing at the moment. Charity walks him out. We get no tears in this limo exit. Warwick yawns and falls asleep while the producer is asking him questions. Has this ever happened before? I give him 1 point for being a trailblazer. No tears, fall asleep exit.

Emily: On to the cocktail party.

Bonnie: Brayden does some hypothetical foreshadowing and tells us about a dream he had where Charity took his rose away and gave it to someone else. He also expresses not being sure if he can get engaged after this experience. Who does he say this in front of? Adrian and Aaron. The two men that hate him THE MOST. Brayden is either dumb as rocks or KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING.

Emily: At the cocktail party, Joey gets time with Charity first. He shows her letters from his grandpa that he carries around to remind him of how important family is. They kiss for 2 points.

Bonnie: Joey’s eye contact with Charity is unmatched. 1 bonus point for eye contact. He’s not just looking at her…..he’s making her FEEL SEEN.

Emily: Xavier’s next. And here’s the big reveal of what he was knitting on the bus (I think). He’s knit a scarf for Charity! He says he’s never knitted something for someone else before. This is so cute. They kiss. 2 points for the kiss, and I say 2 points for the cute gift.

Bonnie: Now it’s Brayden’s turn. We get more kisses. Brayden wants to start planning his hometown date. He’s clearly forgotten all the things he said in front of the two guys who hate him most.

Emily: Here’s where we get our first real drama of the episode. Aaron B. is tired of Brayden’s BS. Aaron B. says he’s protective of Charity’s feelings and wants her to know about what Brayden is doing. He tells Charity that he knows their chances are strong, but he needs to tell her about Brayden. Brayden has been vocal about not wanting to be here and not wanted to date someone who’s been with 20 of his friends. Charity says that’s frustrating to hear and that hearing it from someone as trustworthy as Aaron upsets her.

Bonnie: We all know you don’t waste your time with the lead talking about someone else. That’s “I’m not getting the final rose” behavior. Xavier stays out of everyone’s business and avoids the drama. Some men know, and some men…. find out.

Emily: It’s so confusing to me that Aaron wasted valuable 1-on-1 time ratting out Brayden when he seems like such a frontrunner. Like… is he trying to lose? Either way, he gets 2 points for creating drama.

Just to make the drama even worse, Aaron B. tells Brayden what he said to Charity. Brayden says something that is reasonable, which is kind of annoying. He says that Aaron is starting drama for himself, not for Charity. He also says it’s not anything he hasn’t told Charity himself. And then here comes another strange movie-ish reference. Brayden says, “I feel like I need to be like Will Smith right now and be like ‘Keep my name out your fucking mouth.’” Why are we bringing up Will Smith right now? Hasn’t that man been through enough?

Bonnie: Once again, someone is getting me to side with Brayden. Being unsure about being engaged to someone you don’t really know is the most sensible notion you could have here. You can be excited about someone and not feel confident about getting engaged to them. It would make sense to me that the more excited you are about them, the less sure you might feel about getting engaged. If you don’t care about them, worrying about engagement either way would not be on your mind.

Aaron’s words have upset Charity, and she needs to pull Brayden for a second chat. Brayden talks his way out of it with some points that generally do make sense. Or maybe Charity was just hypnotized by the jangle of his earrings. Who knows. 1 gift of the gab/earring hypnotist point.

Emily: While Charity and Brayden talk, Xavier is pissed that Aaron’s drama has taken Charity away from everyone else. Once again, everyone who didn’t get to speak to Charity is effected by the drama. Tanner tells Brayden, “I love you man, but you fucked us tonight.”

Bonnie: Xavier is all of us. Endlessly frustrated that people don’t know how to stay in their lane. I’m giving Xavier 1 voice of reason point.

Jesse emerges, and is possibly …… crying? Maybe he’s also upset Aaron can’t stay in his lane? Unsure. The rose ceremony begins. Roses go to Aaron B (surely a producer instruction), Wrestler Caleb, Xavier, Joey, Yacht Michael, JOHN, Sean the Flop, and Tanner. Charity walks out of the room to have a think on whether Brayden gets to keep his rose. Shocker, Brayden keeps his rose. TAKE THAT, AARON!

Emily: Going home are Firefighter Aaron, James, and Adrian. So Team Double-Sided Coin loses another one. Team Drama Queenz loses two.

Bonnie: So sad to be losing Aaron, our colorful narrator. Who will continue weaving the tapestry in his absence??? We get a great credit reveal that Brayden has full conversations with his dog (SAME) and that he likes to drink his coffee sitting on the toilet. Not while USING the toilet. He just thinks it’s a comforting place to enjoy a delightful beverage. It’s his place of peace. Not going to lie, Brayden is winning me over. LOL.

So that’s it for this episode. This season continues to be a true delight!

FASHION CORNER: Our fashion shout out for the week goes to Charity and her adorable black cocktail dress with sparkly bows down the sleeves. Our girl is knocking it out of the park (TOPICAL BASEBALL REFERENCE) this season. I’m giving Joey an honorable mention for choosing the best Ken outfit. We love a neon rollerblade moment. Sean the Flop is once again flopping this week with his shirtless take on double denim Ken. None of us needed to see that. STOP TAKING YOUR SHIRTS OFF, SEAN. Shirts on, buttons up. PLEASE. John on the other hand…..take your shirt off WHENEVER YOU WANT.

Emily - Team Double-Sided Coin