This week on Listen to Your Heart, the performances finally begin! But does everything go as smoothly as planned? Will the contestants have romantic compatibility? What does romantic compatibility even mean?! Read on to hear Emily and Mary’s recap of this dramatic (as always) episode.

Mary: I’m calling it now. This is the type of show where each week I’m going to sigh and say, well what an episode that was. This week we move on to the most insane portion of this show, and perhaps the biggest departure in Bachelor history (to say it like Chris Harrison would): the performances. Let’s dive in.

I love how everyone flounders at the beginning of the episode, pondering their “deep connections” and growing relationships--and fearfully asking if more new people are slated to arrive.

Emily: I also love how even the people on the show don’t get the structure of the show. We’re all in this weird boat together, apparently.

Mary: One big storyline this episode is the drama surrounding Julia/Brandon/Savannah. Brandon pulls Julia aside at breakfast time and tells her that he didn’t give her a rose because he knew she’d be safe, and he didn’t know Savannah would. Uh, what? Does Brandon still have feelings of Julia? Julia sure seems to think so.

Emily: I hate Brandon so much, and like… he’s not even cute? I know I say this every week, but I’m still so confused.

Mary: You’re right that he isn’t cute. I’m not sure what everyone finds so charming about him.

Chris Harrison arrives sans mimosa (somehow) and tells everyone to have a deep heart to heart examining their relationships. If he comes back and they’re not coupled up, they’ve got to go!

Emily: Yes, basically Chris tells them they’re stuck with who they picked, and they need to figure out if they want to sing with this person for the rest of their lives, like… right this moment. If you’re not in love, get the heck out. Chris Harrison actually says, “The next time I see you, I only want to see couples that are serious about taking the next step forward.” FUCK,CHRIS! No pressure or anything.

Mary: Here’s a legitimate question, Emily: could they not just...I don’t know...fake a relationship and perform together in order to continue their time on the show? This seems like a logical option, doesn’t it?

Emily: You know, I often wonder this, because Chris Harrison comes in at the end of BiP every season and does something similar. It’s just weird, and I feel like there’s got to be a better way to weed out people at the end. Whatever that way is, this ain’t it.

Nevertheless, for some reason this fake ultimatum Chris Harrison likes to do always creates drama. Gabe realizes he’s more interested in Savannah, and the thing with Ruby is just a friendship. Meanwhile, Julia, who is coupled up with Sheridan, says her spark is with Brandon and she’s very confused. So she tells Savannah what Brandon told her about still wanting to figure things out. For some reason, Savannah’s not into that. She says, “I want whoever’s going to choose me to be all in.”

While Savannah is off crying, Gabe chooses this moment to hit on her, which is just typical dude timing and not reading emotional cues. What else is new? He tells Savannah he’s not into Ruby, and just to make shit more dramatic, he tells her, “There’s no way I could continue on the show if I wasn’t in a couple with you.” Savannah says, “So it’s me or you go home?” Gabe responds,  “I don’t want you to think about it that way.” But dude. That’s literally what you just said, so…

Anyway, Savannah tells Gabe she appreciates their friendship. Womp womp. Gabe breaks up with Ruby and they both go home.

Meanwhile, Brandon goes out to talk to Savannah to patch things up. For some reason, it works and everything will be fine from here on out. JK. What show is this after all? No, seriously, I’m asking. WTF am I watching?

Welp. Chris Harrison’s back now, and he’s like, “Time’s up. Time to commit forever.”

Mary: It’s such a ballsy move for Chris Harrison to come in and say, get it together, contestants, and then leave. It’s the equivalent of a parent coming in and saying clean your room by the time I return or else. I’m disgusted by how Sheridan follows Julia around like a puppy dog. There is no way I would want to follow someone around while they mooned over another person and didn’t appreciate me.

I’d also like to point out that Sheridan’s tattoos are so bad. He has a treeline tattooed around one forearm. It’s not cute.

Emily: No, Sheridan is truly terrible, and it’s just testament to how awful Julia is behaving that I’m shouting at my TV, “SHERIDAN DESERVES BETTER!” This is what this show has done to me.

Mary: Chris announces that “each of you, as couples” (gag) are going to get to perform at the mansion. They don’t get to pick their songs, and I’m wondering how much freedom they have in the arrangement process. Some of the arrangements were just too bad to be believed.

Some of the judges will be musicians themselves, but others will be Bachelor alums. I can’t wait to see Rachel later in the season. I guess also the people who “win” are going to get to go on tour? This kind of just sounds like the Bachelor machine pimping out people to make more money.

Emily: Yes, Mary. You’ve been paying attention. That’s exactly what this is. Anyway, because the structure of this show is so weird, a date card arrives. Why? We don’t know. Everyone in the house seems confused as well. The date card is for Bekah and Danny, and they go shop for clothes and have a fun photoshoot. It’s cute, I guess, but this whole date is a set up to show viewers what little chemistry they have because FORESHADOWING.

Anyway, what’s happening back at the Bach Mansh?

Mary: It was difficult for me to even remember Bekah and Danny’s date because it was so boring.

Back at the Bach Mansh, Brandon and Savannah’s rendition of “I Want You to Want Me” is HORRENDOUS. It sounds out of tune and warbly and just awful. Every time they started playing it, I screamed. Out loud. In my house. As someone who actually played in a band and knows things about music, Emily, how did you feel about these collaborations?

Emily: I have no feelings. I blacked out, I was so bored. This rehearsal section of the show was absolutely unbearable to watch. You’re going to have to take the wheel here.

Mary: Jesus take the wheeeeeel! Julia continuously glares over at Savannah and Brandon during practice, and gives confessional after confessional of how pissed she is at Brandon for escalating his relationship with Savannah and touching her--daring to touch her--in front of other people. Julia is firmly in the unreasonable phase of her hatred for Savannah. No matter what Savannah does at this point, Julia is going to be mad. Savannah tells Jaime that she’s “not willing to be fake” and that Savannah is being “dishonest” in order to “get ahead.” *sigh* Unfortunately, Julia isn’t content to just keep her hatred to herself. She decides she and Savannah need to have a one on one.

Emily: Julia decides to take matters into her own hands and talk to Savannah about what a BAD PERSON she is. Meanwhile, Sherdian is over in the corner trying to work on the music or something. Here’s how this conversation between Julia and Savannah went down:

Julia says, “I want to be candid with you and tell you I wanted to leave, and it’s because of you. And ever since Chris Harrison told us to couple up, you and Brandon have been all over each other, and it feels disingenuous. And it hasn’t sat well with me.” Savannah asks, rightfully, why her relationship affects Julia at all. Julia responds that it doesn’t feel genuine, which, TO BE CLEAR, is not a valid answer. Savannah says, “First of all, the way that I am should not affect you, so the fact that it’s affecting you is deeply alarming to me, but I’ll get over it... my decision has been made. My decision is Brandon… Who are you to sit here and say that I’m being disingenuous? That’s insane to me.” Julia’s like, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m being attacked in this conversation.” Girl. Really? You can’t?

Mary: Believe it!

Ryan and Natascha get to go on a date to see Chris Lane and Lauren (who was on the Bachelor before--do you know her, Emily?) at the House of Blues.

Emily: Yes, Lauren was the winner of Ben Higgins’ season. I say she was “the winner” because clearly she and Ben are no longer together. Ben is with some girl he met on Instagram and I guess Lauren is with this country singer I’ve never heard of. More power to them. They both seem very happy. Extra fun fact: JoJo (who is a judge later in the episode) was runner up on Ben’s season, and she went on to be the Bachelorette the following season. So for those of you who don’t watch every season of this show, there’s a little context for you.

Mary: I need you to be my context and tell me all about the “fan favorites,” as Chris Harrison calls them. This is my least favorite type of Bachelor date, where the couple gets to go see a musician I’ve never heard of play. I did appreciate that Lauren is a connection to the Bachelor, but this is just not an interesting type of date. However, yay for Ryan for getting two dates so far! He’s still my favorite dude.

The concert itself could be fun if you liked country music or Chris Lane. Natascha and Ryan stand off the side of the stage and even get to sing a song with Chris at the end. Natascha says the date was perfect, and said she could see this being her and Ryan’s future together, this sort of touring and music thing. I wonder what the audience thought of Natascha and Ryan coming out and singing. If it were me, I’d be like, lol what who are these people?

Emily: Meanwhile, Rudi is at home whining about how she hasn’t gotten a date yet and how unfair it is. This seems about right, as Rudi hasn’t been the center of the drama in a bit, and she’s probably getting antsy.

Mary: She has to pop back in and remind us she’s here, and she’s ready for drama. We get some clips of rehearsal and Jaime is getting more and more and more nervous. This tracks, since Jaime said last episode that she’s been singing songs in her bedroom. I’m wondering still if Jaime has any experience on a stage, or she’s a wild card that the producers threw in for fun. Her nervousness and inexperience seem to be a major throughline of the show. I get it, girl, I also have anxiety and worry constantly about things, but I can’t say that it’s good television watching her get nervous every week.

Emily: It’s also like… painfully obvious that she’s only 21.

Mary: I want to know who this crowd is that they bussed in to the Bach mansion. Where did they come from? Who is this band? How do I get to go watch terrible arrangements of love songs at a fancy mansion? Sign me up.

Emily: So the judges this week are JoJo and Jordan. As I mentioned earlier, JoJo is the former Bachelorette from a few seasons back. Jordan was the guy she ended up with at the end. They’re still happily together. In case you forgot (or didn’t know), Jordan is Jordan ROGERS, and his big brother is Aaron Rogers, the famous NFL quarterback. Even if you don’t watch football, you’ve seen Aaron Rogers in commercials, TRUST. We’ve also got Jason Mraz who can’t believe his publicist is making him do this. And we have Ke$ha. Do we still style it with the $?

Mary: I don’t think we do? It’s hard to say. I do love that Chris Harrison calls Jason Mraz “Mr. A-Z” in person.

Emily: So no $.

Mary: Sadly, no. Now, these performances.

Rudi and Matt sing “Fallin’ All in You” by Shawn Mendez and it’s fine. Rudi has this weird warbly quality to her voice that I don’t like, but I get it. The judges note that Matt steps back and lets Rudi shine, and it’s true. He sings harmony and plays guitar while she walks all over him with note runs. I really begin to wonder what romantic compatibility is and what it means to have it. The judges question if Rudi and Matt are really really into each other. I don’t think they are.

Emily: The judges also tell them to “push it” more. I’m unsure what that means. I like good constructive feedback on a competition show. Can we be more helpful with this feedback so these singers can grow?

Next is Bri and Chris who sing “Beyond” by Leon Bridges. Jordan seems impressed, but come on, Bri does not have a good voice. Chris is much better. After their performance, JoJo tells Chris, “You did not take your eyes off of her and it was the most genuine thing I’ve ever seen.” Meanwhile, Jason Mraz says it looks like Bri was more interested in entertaining the audience. Which… like, ARE YOU NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT THE AUDIENCE WHILE YOU’RE PERFORMING? EXCUSE ME. Bri tells the judges that she’s, “finding Chris throughout all of this… he’s everything. I really am falling in love with him.” Aw. They are sweet. It’s hard not to ship it.

Mary: Bri kind of sounds like a baby bird trying to belt to me. Bekah and Danny exchange a little tiny kiss before singing “Hey Ho” by the Lumineers. I’m extremely biased against this song because I hate it, but I also dislike the way Bekah and Danny chose to sit really close together on tall chairs and stare at each other the entire time. It’s like they heard another couple get feedback that they didn’t seem in love enough and decided, “OK, we have to constantly stare into each other’s eyes.” Rudi comments that they seem like friends, “like, hardcore friendzone.” I kind of agree with her.

Emily: I agree, and also I hate it when singers just sit down. Come on, perform for me. This isn’t snack time.

Mary: Hopefully, we’ll get some choreographed dances at some point. Jojo and Jordan cringe at the end of the song and all the judges agree that right now they just seem like friends. As someone who moves extremely slow in relationships, it’s almost impossible for me to conceive of having people judge you on how romantic you seem after knowing each other for about a week or two. Just wow.

But really, nothing could prepare me for what came next.

Emily: Brandon and Savannah are bad. That’s literally all I wrote for their performance. “They’re bad.” From the audience, Julia is still calling Savannah “fake as hell,” so she’s loving how terrible they’re doing, probably.

Mary: I don’t think I can listen to this arrangement of “I Want You to Want Me” one more time. It is one of the worst things I’ve ever heard and reminds me of zombies harmonizing in a graveyard.

Emily: It’s also such a weird choice for a song to cover, compared to some of the more romantic songs other couples are singing.

Mary: Julia and Sheridan sing a slowed down version of “As Long as You Love Me” by the Backstreet Boys and it’s...actually good? It’s really good? It seems intimate and sweet. Their harmonies are beautiful and I believed they liked each other, which is rich considering Julia definitely does not care that much about Sheridan. The judges give them sterling feedback, complimenting the performance, and Julia and Sheridan hug and share a quick kiss on stage.

We get a confessional from Sheridan that he’s glad everyone can see what he and Julia have now because they crushed it. Cue the puppy dog face again. Ugh, I just feel so bad for him! Kesha says that Sheridan has “love in [his] eyeballs.” Notably, no one is talking about how Julia seems so in love with Sheridan, are they now? This gets at something I’ve suspected from this show for a long time--the performances are going to have much more to do with talent than whatever “romantic compatibility” is.

Emily: Right because… how do you judge romantic compatibility? That sounds like something they’d do on an episode of Black Mirror. Truly bizarre. While Sheridan is falling head over heels in love with Julia, Julia’s like, “hehehehe that’ll show Savannah.” This girl is literally obsessed with Savannah.

Mary: She’s obsessed with Savannah for apparently no reason. Savannah is just living her life, but because Savannah didn’t get what she wants (Brandon, for some reason), she’s decided to hate Savannah.

Natascha and Ryan sing “Stay” by Rihanna and it’s fine. Natascha stomps all over Ryan because her vocal range is insane. The judges seem to like it, but not as much as they liked Julia and Sheridan. It’s okay and we feel fairly confident they’ll be okay.

Emily: I just think Natascha and Ryan have very different singing and performing styles, and they’re not very compatible in that regard. I will say, however, as far as romantic chemistry, I was really feeling it here. This performance was sexy.

Jamie is watching their performance and freaking out because she’s thinking they’re so much better than she is. And… she might be right? Jamie is freaking herself out a whole lot. When Jamie and Trevor finally get onstage, Jamie is a ball of nerves, and her voice is shaking. I feel like Jason Mraz is watching this performance and wondering why he’s here. After they finish singing, Jamie explains that she’s had a really hard time learning to love herself. I cannot stress this enough. She’s 21. And it shows. The judges seemed to like their performance fine.

Mary: It’s painfully clear she’s 21, and I do feel bad for her for being so inexperienced, but girl! Get it together!

Rose ceremonies are going to be a little different from now on, and I can’t wait to hear your take on it, Emily. Judges are going to make a decision about which couple goes home each week, but in addition to that decision the couples have to accept roses from each other. It’s interesting that they still have to accept roses from each other after being approved by the judges. Does this allow for potential breakups down the line? The dramaaaaa!

Emily: Honestly, I really hope so. This rose ceremony was so weird. Chris Harrison is basically handing out the roses. Is Chris Harrison the Bachelor of Listen to Your Heart? I need his gf Lauren Zima to weigh in. Until then… Here was the call out order. Jamie and Trevor. Natascha and Ryan. Matt and Rudi. Chris and Bri. Julia and Sheridan.

I just want to pause here and point out that Julia is BEFUMBLED (™: Hannah B) that the judges thought her connection with Sheridan was genuine because LOL apparently it’s not. So funny that she’s pointing fingers at Savannah for being fake when she just outright admitted to being fake in her own showmance. But you know what they say. When you point the finger, four fingers are pointing back at you.

Last to get roses are Savannah and Brandon. That means Danny and Bekah are going home. How do you feel about this elimination? Did they send the right couple home?

Mary: I do think they sent the right couple home. I’m not really happy about it, but I think it makes the most sense in terms of what makes good TV. I’d rather see Julia plotting to murder Savannah and steal Brandon (or even couple swapping with her?!) instead of Bekah and Danny just...being there. I didn’t know much about them, and while they both seemed sweet, they weren’t really interesting.

Join us next week for more Listen to Your Heart!

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