Emily: Hi everyone! Before we get into the episode, we want to acknowledge two things. First of all, this blog post is late, we know. Susan and I both have normal jobs that we unfortunately have to prioritize over these Bachelor recaps because we actually get paid to do this other stuff. So sometimes real life gets in the way, and these recaps won’t happen on time. We’re sorry.

Thing #2: Yes, there were five new women added to the show this week. We drafted the new women onto our teams at the end of the episode, so stay til the end to see who we picked. We won’t start counting their points until next week’s episode. And with all that out of the way, let’s jump in to WEEK 4 of The Bachelor!

Susan: The unpleasantries of the episode start immediately. The women are sitting around celebrating Sarah’s self-elimination, and Victoria says, “The trash took itself out.” But have no fear, feminist readers: Katie is here.

Emily: Katie reminds them that Sarah isn’t there to tell her story and they can’t really know what she was going through. Besides, what’s the point in trashing on a girl who isn’t even there to defend herself? She’s gone. Let it go. Love Katie. Victoria is not into this at all. She’s all, “Listen, bitch. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.” Do not love Victoria.

Susan: This episode has big 2020 energy, and by that I mean: we are completely unmoored in space and time. We join the evening portion of a group date for which we never saw a daytime activity. Was it skipped? Was it cut? We’ll never know. Anyway, the following women are on this “date”: Magi, Pieper, Abigail, Jessenia, Chelsea, MJ, and Mari.

Emily: I get the sense that maybe the daytime portion was canceled because Matt was dealing with his sadness over Sarah’s departure. And he is big sad. He’s worried more women will leave and that’s going to be hard for him. I got news for you, Matt. More women are going to leave. You gotta get down to one at the end of this, after all. I think the show doesn’t make a big deal out of the date being canceled because we’re supposed to, as viewers, like Matt. When Clare canceled the date, we were supposed to think it was annoying, so the show made a big deal out of it. Anyway, that’s just my 2 cents. Justice for Clare. Back to this date.

Susan: Chelsea shows Matt a picture of her with her mother, which shows that she used to have long, chemically relaxed hair. She opens up to Matt about how emotional hair can be, especially for Black women, and how she felt pressured to adhere to more white-European beauty standards when she was younger. She shaved her head this summer and said it was a really freeing experience. 5 points to her for sharing this story, and 2 more points for making out with Matt.

Emily: I want to take a moment to point out how important it is for stories like this to be shared on The Bachelor, a show that is being watched by a lot of conservative white viewers who might say things on social media like, oh, I don’t know, “All Lives Matter.” While Chelsea isn’t speaking directly about the BLM movement, she is talking about what it’s like to experience the world as a Black person when much of the world she lives in is centered around the white experience. A lot of white people STILL haven’t considered that, even after everything that’s been said and done over the past however many years. And I think seeing it discussed on a show like this humanizes the issue. As a white woman, I don’t think I have the authority to speak on this beyond that, but check out this post from The Blckchelorettes:

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A post shared by The Blckchellorettes: Vic & Mi (@theblckchelorettes)

Susan: I agree, Emily. I’d also like to note that Chelsea was on Bachelor Happy Hour podcast this week and told Rachel and Becca that there was even more to the conversation that we didn’t see, like the fact that Matt actually shared his own story about having an afro and people’s reactions to that versus when he had shorter hair. I wish we’d heard this too because, unfortunately, ABC seems to shy away from Matt’s discussion of his own Blackness, and for the reasons Emily outlined, I think it would be really wonderful for the audience of this show to hear a whole heck of a lot more about the Black experience. More on this later because it happens again in this episode.

Back at the house, Victoria pulls Katie aside and says she’d like an apology because Katie “shut her down” when she “wasn’t finished expressing herself.” I think I speak for everyone when I say, wut.

Emily: Katie calmly tries to explain to Victoria that expressing yourself is not the same as attacking someone. Victoria thinks she’s really onto something when she tells Katie that at least she’s not the one who brought a dildo on night one. Katie shrugs and says she loves her vibrator. We’re giving Katie 5 points for the sex positivity and for clearly winning this fight. Victoria gets 2 points for trying to start a fight with Katie that ends in her saying, - “If you try to shut me down again, I probably wouldn’t.” Touché.

Susan: Closing out the group date, Chelsea gets the rose for 10 points. It’s time for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party, and the outfits are so good (except Victoria’s). Pieper’s jumpsuit is *chef’s kiss*. She and Matt talk about strong women and how Matt likes that she is one. They kiss for 2 points.

Emily: Matt also talks to Kit and Bri and makes out with Bri for 2 points. None of this is interesting.

Susan: Victoria puts on her “I’m Talking to a Man” voice and tells Matt she is “overwhelmed with emotions” because normally she can tell when a guy is into her, but in this environment, she can’t. Meanwhile, all of America can tell that Matt is violently uninterested in Victoria.

Emily: Right. Like, maybe the reason you can’t tell if he’s interested is because he’s not interested. And just in case that isn’t clear to the audience, a video in which Matt James’ friend makes fun of Victoria’s body was leaked. Re: the body-shaming comments, Matt James says he talked to his friend about it off-screen, which like… sure you did, Matt. This man continues to be trash. Anyway, back to the actual show. Matt is spared having to lie to Victoria about his level of interest when Chris Harrison shows up to break up the party. Why? He’s got more women for Matt to pseudo-date.

Susan: Honestly the only reason I think they brought in new girls in the fourth week is because they anticipated that Matt might be too boring to carry the show and we’d need something to mix it up. Anywho, the new women are as follows:

Brittany (23, model)

Michelle (27, teacher)

Ryan (26, dancer/choreographer)

Kim (28, ICU nurse)

Catalina (29, former Miss Puerto Rico Universe)

The only notable entrance is Brittany, who says she wants to make up for lost time and kisses Matt. The women watching from inside the hotel are livid, and Victoria says, “Who the fuck are these random-ass hoes?” If you think that’s uncomfy, just wait. She gets worse. The rest of the group seems intent on making the new women feel unwelcome.

Emily: Catalina shows up wearing a crown because she’s “Miss Puerto Rico Universe.” I don’t know much about pageants, so this confused me. How can you be Miss Puerto Rico and Miss Universe? If you’re Miss Universe, doesn’t the universe INCLUDE Puerto Rico? They don’t call Miss America “Miss Georgia America.” How do these titles work? Anyway, Victoria feels personally threatened by Catalina’s crown. She takes it from Catalina’s head and puts it on her own because she is the only queen in the house. I love how Victoria is trying to position herself as the most popular girl in the house, even though she hates everyone and everyone hates her. Anyway, because Victoria is a full ass adult, she decides she’s like Elsa in Frozen. And because Elsa doesn’t wear a crown, she doesn’t need one either. So she puts the crown on the table.

Susan: I love that the “original” women are talking to the producers in their ITMs whining about how “unfair” and “disrespectful” this is, when the producers are the ones who decided to do things this way. There’s a lot of misplaced anger this episode with the old women blaming the new women for just showing up when ABC told them to.

Emily: Yes this is all just very dumb.

Susan: The number of women who are worried that Matt will think the new women are “shiny new toys” or “candy” is...alarming. That tells me they’re all fully aware that Matt only cares about hotness, and that they have zero confidence in their own relationships with Matt.

Emily: When Brittany shows up, Anna recognizes her because they are “both from Chicago.” I’m pretty sure everyone in Chicago doesn’t know everyone else in Chicago. But whatever.

Susan: Anna says, “All I’ve been told about her is she fucking sucks, but I don’t know her.” Okay, Anna. Then you should be done talking about her.

Emily: We already were not fans of Anna before this episode, but this episode really seals it. More on that later.

Susan: Matt and Michelle actually seem to have a glimmer of chemistry which is incredible because Matt is essentially a cardboard cutout of a man.

Rose ceremony time. As a reminder (because what even is a format?), Serena P., Rachael and Chelsea already have roses from their one-on-one or group date.

The remaining roses go to: MJ, Pieper, Bri, Magi, Michelle, Mari, Ryan, Kit, Serena C, Abigail, Katie, Victoria, Lauren, Brittany, Jessenia, Anna and Catalina.

I lose Kaili and Khaylah from Team On the Brink of Mental Ruin, and Kim is the only new arrival not to receive a rose. During the rose ceremony, Serena C. and Anna both cried in ITMs. They each get 2 points.

Emily: So it’s the next day, and it’s time for the first full date of the episode. And the first date card goes to: Mari, Bri, Abigail, Brittany, Ryan, Catalina, Magi, Anna, and Victoria. Because of course they put mean girls Anna and Victoria on the date with the new girls. The date card says, “Let’s fall in love.”

Susan: Just when I thought I couldn’t be more bored by the men on this show, Ben Higgins is back. He’s “planned” the group date, which is an autumn-themed obstacle course (?).

Emily: Yeah, this was a really weird date. I’d love to hear Ben Higgins’ planning process behind this date. JK Ben didn’t plan this date at all, and we all know it.

Susan: Much like the wedding-dress-capture-the-flag debacle, this race is a mess. Mari finishes first, but are there really any winners here?

Emily: In fact there are, Susan. Mari gets 3 points for getting the date trophy and apparently some extra time with Matt that we don’t see. Meanwhile, as far as we know, Magi is still paddling in a circle trying to get out of the lake. I really identified with Magi on this date, so she gets 2 points for becoming a permanent lake creature.

Susan: During the evening portion, Matt pulls Anna aside first. She’s intent on opening up to him, but—I kid you not—she talks about watersports. Brittany tries to steal Matt, and Anna says she’ll give him up in five minutes. She’s flustered, and believe it or not, the conversation actually gets worse than when it was about watersports.

Emily: I love how Anna feels like she has a connection with Matt, because clearly she does not. She’s upset because she thinks Brittany is getting in the way of her connection with Matt, but I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Girl, if Matt was into you, some other girl asking for time with Matt wouldn’t ruin that connection. But whatever.

Susan: Anna, panicked and insecure af, decides to gossip. With Victoria. Based on a “rumor” she “got messages” about. Emily, you wanna explain this gross conversation?

Emily: Of course Anna and Victoria are becoming best friends. Of course they are. Anna “confides” in Victoria that she’s heard “not good” things about Brittany. When Victoria asks her to elaborate, Anna tells Victoria that she heard a rumor that Brittany was an escort. Okay, first of all, this seems made up as hell. The way that Anna slowly reveals this rumor about a person she doesn’t even know suggests to me that she knew she had nothing to share and so she came up with something on the fly. But even if it isn’t made up, so what if this girl you don’t even know is an escort? Who cares?

Susan: Back at the hotel, Michelle gets the one-on-one date card, which reads, “Let’s make up for lost time…” Everyone is mad at Michelle as if she chose herself for the date. Be mad at Matt?

Emily: MJ, who is also quickly turning out to be a mean girl, says she hopes Michelle doesn’t come back with a rose. So of course she will come back with a rose. Speaking of roses, Bri gets the group date rose for 10 points.

Susan: Anna is convinced that she did not get the group date rose herself because Brittany interrupted her. So she tells Brittany—in front of the entire group—that she got messages about her from people in Chicago saying that Brittany might be an escort. Brittany is like, “Wait, you’re telling people in the house that?” She’s clearly shaken by this, as anyone probably would be, and says it’s shitty of Anna to draw that conclusion when she doesn’t even know her.

Emily: Anna says, “I think this is an awful thing to say about someone and I apologize…” But like, you just said it? So this doesn’t make it better? Brittany says, “Making a conclusion about me before you even know me, that’s shitty. I just feel like everyone’s against me right now. I know you guys don’t care at all but it’s really hard.” Victoria’s extra mature response? “Okay then get out the house.” Gotta love her. Wait, no you don’t.

Susan: Two things: The sex worker shaming is still disgusting. Even if Brittany was a sex worker of any kind, that’s none of Anna’s fucking business, and acting like sex work is the worst thing you could do only further stigmatizes the work, which makes it more dangerous for people who do that labor. Second, it’s shitty of Anna to spread anything about anyone based on nothing but rumor.

Emily: A rumor that I still contend Anna wholly made up. Anyway. Time for Matt and Michelle’s date, one that apparently Chris Harrison “planned” for them. Why are we pretending that the dates are planned by anyone but producers? It’s that supposed to make them somehow more interesting?

Susan: Matt and Michelle are doing an “extreme scavenger hunt” which sounds lame in theory, but actually looks kind of fun? They zip line and ask each other questions and laugh a lot and make out in a hot air balloon. Matt is very obviously into her in a way I haven’t seen him be into anyone else yet.

Emily: Yes, I don’t know if you noticed, but Matt has this sort of fake laugh he does with most of these women. If you haven’t noticed, listen out for it next time. But with Michelle, he seems very relaxed and laughs like a normal person. He even closed his eyes when they kissed.

Susan: The next group date card arrives, and it’s for Katie, Pieper, Serena P, Rachael, Kit, Chelsea, Jessenia, Lauren, Serena C and MJ. It reads, “Are you willing to fight for love?” and the women immediately know it’s another physical date because of course it is.

Emily: Back on Matt’s dream date, Michelle talks about how difficult it was being a teacher and talking to students about what happened to George Floyd. She tells Matt she wants to make a change. She says, “People don’t always remember what you say, but they remember how you make them feel.” Matt is so impressed that Michelle quoted Maya Angelou, and like, honestly, I was at first too, but then someone pointed out that Matt tweeted this quote in June, months before he came on The Bachelor. So now I’m wholly convinced this is evidence that Michelle just stalked his Twitter before coming on the show. Way less impressive. Very disappointing.

Susan: So we talk a lot of shit about Matt James because, frankly, he’s given us reason to. But I will say that he was infinitely more watchable on this date. We actually saw him ask some real questions, he engaged (albeit lightly) in a conversation about George Floyd and how her students were affected by Floyd’s murder and the pandemic, and he just felt more like an actual human man. I interpreted this sudden display of humanity to mean that Michelle is probably the frontrunner now.

Emily: Agree. I think it’s clear Matt is really into her, and if she were on someone’s team at this point, I’d be giving her a lot of points for bringing up George Floyd on this date. As well as bonus points for getting a kiss with the lead’s eyes closed. But she’ll get drafted later. Hold tight, everyone.

Susan: I’d also like to note that this is the other time that I think we didn’t get to hear all of what Matt had to say. 90% of the discussion of George Floyd comes from Michelle and not from Matt, but Michelle mentions they’ve discussed some topics within racial injustice, namely the achievement gap and the opportunity gap. I for one would have loved to hear them get into that as well, because it sounds like these issues motivated them both to do what they do with their work and their time. Maybe it would help us, I don’t know, actually know something about Matt?

Back at the hotel, Brittany tells Katie and Ryan about the escort rumor, and Katie, being the queen she is, tries to comfort her. We’ll come back to Katie later. For now, it’s time for the group date. The women walk into the woods to learn how to box from Mia St. John. All of the women on this date are from the “OG” group, as they call themselves, and they won’t stop fucking talking about it.

Emily: At the beginning of the date, Katie runs and jumps into Matt’s arms! Get it, Katie! 5 points for Katie. Anyway, they get to box one another, and Wells is here to help judge the matches for some reason. I think I’m one of the only people in Bachelor Nation who doesn’t like Wells. But he doesn’t like cats, so he can burn in hell for all I care. Just kidding. Kind of.

Susan: Every season, we have a date like this. And every season, the lead acts completely shocked that someone gets hurt. The date was literally punching each other in the face so I don’t know what else they expected.

Emily: At least there were no ambulances this time.

Susan: At the after party, Rachael tells Matt this week has been hard for her, and he asks her what she needs from him. Rachael immediately goes into “Nah, I’m a cool girl I’m chill and totally fine” mode, but they do kiss for 2 points. Matt and Pieper also make out, but she’s already gotten her kiss points for the episode. Thanks for playing, Pieper.

Emily: It’s clear that Matt’s line is going to be asking women what they need from him to feel validated. He says it to everyone. Literally everyone. In fact, his conversation with Pieper felt almost identical to the one he had with Rachael.

Susan: Okay, back to the reason we’re all here: Katie. The women on the group date are talking mad shit about the new arrivals.

Emily: Yes, in fact, Victoria says Catalina is the “dumbest ho she’s ever met.” An insult I don’t think I’ve heard since middle school. Good one, Victoria.

Susan: Katie cuts them off and says, you know, it would suck to be in their position, and at some point, we need to welcome them into the house. In possibly the first-ever instance of a contestant telling the lead something in good faith and not in an attempt to throw another woman under the bus, Katie tells Matt there is serious bullying happening and she thinks the women would be more likely to stop if he addressed it.

Emily: Really proud of Katie for this, honestly. She continues to be awesome. I’m giving her 3 more points for attempting to cut this bullying out.

Susan: We’re left hanging without finding out who got the group date rose. Sigh.

Emily: I hate it. Anyway, after the episode was over, Susan and I texted each other to draft the new girls. Because Susan had fewer girls than I did, she got to draft first, and of course she picked Michelle. I went next and picked Brittany. Susan picked Catalina. Finally, I “picked” Ryan. She was the only one left, but come on over, Ryan, we welcome you to Team Tapped By A Dildo with open arms! These ladies will start earning us points on next week’s episode.