Kelli: Hello and welcome to another recap of The Bachelor. This week our goal is to get back on track after ABC threw us off with a random two night event last week. I still haven’t forgiven them.

Emily: We’re slowly inching our way towards posting on-time recaps. But you know, better late than never, friends. Better late than never.

Kelli: This week we’re in Montreal! I’ve never been to Montreal, but I really want to go. I heard they speak French there.

Emily: Lea is also excited to be in Montreal! She’s pretty sure people ride moose to work in this city. And instead of chugging beers, it’s straight maple syrup. That’s probably right, right?

Kelli: The episode this week starts on a bit of a somber tone, as Joey shares some of his insecurities with the producers in an in the moment. He says that he feels like this won’t work out for some reason. It could be the fact that in 28 seasons it has worked out, in the traditional sense, for only one man, but maybe Joey is just deeply in tune with the universe. Someone off camera asks him why he feels like he needs to be perfect, and Joey says he doesn’t, but he feels like people expect him to be. He gets emotional and explains that he thinks there are actually a lot of things wrong with him, that he’s not this happy-go-lucky Joey that everyone thinks he is. I get the sense that Joey is afraid he’s going to make a mistake and make all of America hate him, because he’s seen the way we’ve hated every Bachelor for at least five consecutive seasons. But don’t worry, Joey. You’re different. <3

Emily: I love that we’re seeing this from Joey. We did get some hints of this last season when Joey’s uncle said that he was afraid Joey was being who the Bachelorette wanted him to be rather than being his real self. This is such a Gemini move, I think. Who is the real Joey? Does Joey even know who the real Joey is? As a Libra, I can really relate. I think sometimes it can be really hard to distinguish between what you want and what you think you should want. Joey is in the middle of this struggle, and unfortunately for him, it’s highly televised. But as a fellow air sign, Joey, I get you.

Speaking of people who are excited to be in Montreal, Jesse greets the women and tells them Montreal is his second home. Jesse speaks French to them. It’s his one trick. The women respond, “Oui! Oui!” That’s their one trick. Jesse tells the ladies that the group date will be first. He calls out everyone’s name except for… Maria and Kelsey T. The women on the group date will be following clues to find Joey and explore the city and stuff. With that, Jesse leaves them, but not before saying “Remember, I’m from here.” He’s Canadian.

Kelli: This means that the two one-on-one dates this week are going to Maria and Kelsey T! Go Team Throw It In the Fire!

We normally love a city exploration date, but the mood is dour today. Not only is Joey feeling insecure, but the women are too. It’s getting to the point where they are all really forming strong connections with Joey, and it hurts every time they see him canoodling with other women. Even the magical French-Canadian couple who asks Joey how many girlfriends he has can’t lighten the mood.

I think the person doing the best job of sucking it up is Jenn, and I want to give her 3 points for her incredible compartmentalization skills.

Emily: Jenn also stands out during the poutine part of the date. There’s something about the name “poutine” that sounds so gross to me, but the reality of poutine is fries covered with cheese and gravy, and it’s hard to be mad about that. I had vegan poutine when I went to Vancouver, and I would give it 11 stars out of 5.

Anyway, I get really excited about fries. But back on track. Jesse has provided the gang with foods to add to their poutine to spice it up. As if cheese and gravy wasn’t spicy enough. Clearly Jesse is trolling them here because he gives them items like pineapple, chocolate, and sriracha. Unhinged. But Jenn is having a good time and adding all the things to her poutine. This felt like a great game plan because the rest of the ladies seem very unsettled, and Joey seems turned on.

Kelli: She also forces him to try her creation and asks him to rate it. He gives it a 4/10, then gags.

Kelsey A is struggling a lot today, and she says she feels like she disappears in group settings. She cries about this to Katelyn (2 points), who hasn’t even had a one-on-one date. 2 friendship points to Katelyn for not telling Kelsey A to get over it like I would have wanted to in that moment.

Emily: Yeah, I also felt like Kelsey A needed to just get over it. Like Kelsey A is talking about how overwhelmed she is in a group setting. Meanwhile, Daisy is right there, and she gets overwhelmed because she literally can’t hear who is talking when. You don’t see her complaining. Just a little perspective, Kelsey A.

Next up on their tour of Canadian things is hockey! All the women are meh about hockey because they just want to make out with Joey. Lea and Rachel both get kisses (2 points each).

Kelli: Evening rolls around and moods have not brightened amongst the group. Rachel is telling the women how it’s hard not to compare herself to them when she sees how wonderful and beautiful they all are, and Joey walks in right at that moment, perfectly timed to catch the women at their most bummed. When he asks them how they’re doing, they basically respond “meh” in unison.

Joey can tell that everyone is sad, and he wants to show them that they’re not alone in their insecurities. He shares with them that he’s been feeling a lot of fear about getting invested in someone and not having it be reciprocated. He says that tonight, as opposed to all the other nights, he wants to dig deep.

Emily: Katelyn gets her time with Joey, and he compliments her dress. She tells him that it’s actually Lexi’s dress. 2 points to Lexi for sharing her wardrobe, and 2 points to Katelyn for cutely shouting her out here.

Katelyn tells Joey that it’s hard to see him have a connection with everyone else. She cries (2 points), and Joey kisses her (2 points).

Kelli: Kelsey A also has a moment with Joey where she expresses how much she struggled during this group date, and tells him that she felt like she was in the background. He tells her it would be impossible not to notice her, and they kiss (2 points). Kelsey then tells Joey — or sort of mumbles, anyway — that she’s falling for him (10 points). He’s like, what did you just say??? And makes her repeat it, lol.

Emily: At this point, Kelsey A is giving serious front runner vibes. I mean, first Joey says it would be “impossible” not to notice her? Are we in a rom com? And then he seems absolutely giddy that she’s into him. He doesn’t say it back, but his reaction is so much more effusive than a cool “thank you for sharing.”

Meanwhile, Lexi is still crying (2 points) about not having kids. It’s really hard for me to relate to this. She asks Joey about his timeline, and he says he would like to get to know his wife and be married for a few years before jumping into having kids. To me, this seems so reasonable. Especially because with The Bachelor, you’re getting engaged after only knowing this person for a few weeks. But this answer is devastating for Lexi. She wants to have kids, like, yesterday. I understand that she has fertility issues, but this seems like a completely unreasonable expectation to me.

Kelli: Yeah, more on that later.

Joey sits down with Jenn and thanks her for always making him feel special. She tells him she’s falling for him (10 points), and then they make out (2 points). To camera, he says he feels like he’s on cloud nine, and he’s getting closer to being able to say it back to Jenn.

It’s funny to see how Joey responds when Kelsey A and Jenn say they’re falling for him versus his response when Jess tells him the same thing. And by funny, I mean kind of sad.

Emily: Yeah, I also don’t really believe Jess when she tells Joey she’s falling for him (but she does say it, so 10 points). It seems like a last ditch effort to get some attention from the lead, and it definitely backfires for her. Joey is apologetic with her and says that he just can’t picture it. He says, “I think you deserve the world. I just don’t think it’s right to keep you here.” Jess cries (2 points).

Kelli: I’m proud of Joey for doing the right thing and sending Jess home, even though it’s obviously hard for him. He’s already freaking out about hurting people’s feelings and he doesn’t even like Jess that much. Clearly, rough waters are ahead.

He returns to the other women and lets them know that he sent Jess home. Then he gives the group date rose to Jenn (10 points). Lea cries (2 points) because she knows she has lost her final ally in the one-sided war against Maria.

Emily: Moving on! I’m so excited, because it’s time for the amazing Kelsey T to have a 1-on-1 (20 points). I love so many of the women on the show this season. Kelsey T seems like such a cool, sweet person, and I’m so glad she’s finally getting her time. Kelsey runs to Joey for our first run-and-jump of the season. It’s really more of a half run and jump because I don’t think either of them were fully committed to the bit. Joey just doesn’t seem like a run-and-jump kinda guy. We’ll still give her the 5 points, because this is the first time we’ve seen anything resembling a run-and-jump this season.

Kelli: Well, Maria did try it on one of the group dates, which was bold of her, but it was more of a step and climb than a run and jump.

Anyway, for this date, Joey and Kelsey T will be training for Cirque du Soleil. This is about trust, or something, which is convenient, since Kelsey just said that her trust level is at a 0.0%.

If I absolutely had to do a physical activity date, this is the one I would want. Aerial yoga is so much fun, and unlike Joey, I am amongst the lucky few who don’t experience motion sickness.

Emily: Joey is being a trooper throughout this whole date, but he is unwell. He needs a dramamine stat. The Bachelor editors get creative here and add some dizzying special effects to really get us in Joey’s head.

When you want to throw up so you get in a giant hamster wheel

Kelli: Luckily, Joey is feeling better by dinnertime. They sit down, and Joey thanks her for being so good with him when he wasn’t feeling well. She says that she has feelings for him, and those feelings are deepening, which means it’s the perfect time for a sob story (5 points).

Kelsey explains that when she was a child, she and her father were best friends, but that when she got older, he stopped talking to her for a long period of time. Joey asks why, and Kelsey says “the religion.” She doesn’t clarify which religion it is, and just keeps referring to it as “the religion,” but on Love to See It they were able to confirm that Kelsey was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. It sounds like Kelsey’s dad essentially wanted her to devote her life to the religion, and when she wasn’t willing to do that (she decided to go to college, for example), he kicked her out of the house and stopped speaking to her.

She explains to Joey that this experience really shook her trust in men. She and her father have started talking again in recent years, but obviously it isn’t the same, and he’s missed a lot of her life. She cries (2 points) and Joey does his signature tear wipe.

Emily: This sob story really hit me. Like, I started crying. I can’t imagine how hard it would be growing up like that and then having your father basically disown you.

Kelli: Yeah, it’s really sad. I also found it interesting that this was a negative representation of organized religion on this show — we so rarely see that, since contestants are often religious themselves. It was refreshing to get a different perspective.

Emily: Joey, as always, responds really well in the moment and makes Kelsey feel safe sharing her story. He gives her the rose (10 points) and a Cirque du Soleil performer is there to do a show for them. This is so much cooler than a private concert, so I definitely think it deserves private concert points (5 points).

Kelli: It’s finally time for Joey’s date with his “favorite Canadian.” Jesse. Just kidding, it’s Maria. She’s terrified that the date is going to involve some kind of high-adrenaline activity, but when a butler shows up to collect her, it’s clear she’s getting the Princess Date. This is such a classic date format that I feel like maybe we should add it to the points system. Your thoughts?

Emily: Sure. 20 points to Maria for getting the 1-on-1, and 5 points for getting the signature Princess/Pretty Woman date.

Kelli: To camera, Joey says, “I don’t know if you can ever fully understand Maria. I don’t know if you can ever get what she’s gonna do next. But there’s something exciting about that.” I think this perfectly encapsulates why this date was so much fun to watch.

Throughout the date, Joey and Maria have incredible chemistry. I love watching the two of them together because Maria flirts the same way I flirt: by doing some light negging. Joey is game, though, and their banter is adorable. I’m often bored by one-on-one dates on this show, but I honestly haven’t felt that way this season because all of these women are so delightful, and Maria especially shines here.

My favorite exchange from the date is as follows:

Maria: The girls are saying I’m gonna be jumping out of a plane.
Joey: We are.
Maria: I’m gonna be pushing you out of a plane.
Joey: I have zero doubts that you would.

Emily: They go to Claudette to go dress shopping, and Maria is so fun during this portion of the date. She’s really having fun, making jokes and giving commentary about all the clothes she tries on. It’s clear why Maria has become the fan favorite choice for Bachelorette. Only time will tell, but I definitely think she would be an interesting choice.

Kelli: Back in the car, we get our scene from the cold open. Maria tricks Joey into saying he loves her in French, twice. I don’t know how Joey has gotten this far in life without knowing what Je t’aime means.

They arrive at what looks to Maria like a place where you might get in a plane that you have to jump out of, but Joey reassures her that they’re just going to ride in a helicopter. To me, that’s almost scarier than jumping out of a plane. Helicopters are not safe, you guys. They look at Montreal from above and kiss a bunch (2 points). In an ITM, Maria tears up (2 points) and says she feels special and beautiful.

Emily: Wait, I really do want to ride in a helicopter one day though.

Kelli: I can’t support you.

Emily: Maria shows up to dinner looking stunning, and Joey tries to pull out her chair for her. She doesn’t understand what’s going on, and he goes, “you’re here. I’m helping you in.” This was so cute.

Kelli: During their dinner conversation, Maria briefly mentions a past relationship where an engagement was “dangled” in front of her but kept being pushed to the future. She eventually ended that, because she wants her feelings to be reciprocated. Overall, they tell each other how happy they are to finally be on the same page.

I know Emily isn’t as excited about this as I am, but after dinner they are treated to a private concert by FEIST. I cannot explain to you the soul-deep impact Feist had on young Kelli, but let’s just say this is by far the best musical artist I have ever witnessed on this show. And no, I didn’t watch Kaitlyn’s season so I DIDN’T SEE THE CRANBERRIES, OKAY?

Emily: Yeah, The Cranberries really set the bar for me. So when Kelli told me I was going to flip when I saw the musical act this week, I was a little underwhelmed. But I do believe Maria was really excited about Feist. I don’t know that I could tell you a single Feist song, but I recognize the name of the band (or singer or whatever). I didn’t recognize the song they played for this private concert. Anyway, it is a private concert (5 points).

Kelli: Feist is just one woman, Leslie Feist, who goes by Feist. Her greatest hits include “1234” and “I Feel It All.” She is from Canada, which I didn’t know.

Weirdly, Joey has saved the rose until the concert, and he obviously gives it to Maria for 10 points. Imagine if they watched that whole concert and then Joey was like “unfortunately, I can’t give you this rose.” Lol.

Anyway, back at the house, Lexi has decided that she needs to talk to Joey. By the time she arrives at Joey’s room, it’s pretty obvious that she’s already made up her mind about what needs to happen. She tells Joey that she doesn’t have the privilege to wait to have kids at this point, and that it wouldn’t be fair for her to stay here when she knows that their timelines don’t match up. She says she’ll always remember their conversation in Malta and how seen he made her feel.

Emily: Joey says that he would obviously reconsider the timeline he talked about with her for the right person, but Lexi doesn’t want to force him into anything. She self-eliminates for 10 points. Yawn. Can’t relate. Bye, Lexi.

the face you make when you realize you probably shouldn’t have come on the bachelor if you actually want to have children soon

Kelli: I feel like if Lexi had paid any attention to the way things generally work out in the aftermath of this show, she maybe should’ve known that this wasn’t the best place to come as a person who wants to have kids as soon as possible. Like… I do feel for her, and I’m glad she made the decision she did because it’s better this way for both of them, but it does make me question why she came on in the first place.

After speaking with Joey, she goes back to the house and privately tells her closest friends there, Daisy and Maria, that she’s leaving. They all cry and it’s very sweet. 2 points for Daisy who hasn’t gotten crying points yet during this episode, and then another 2 points each for Daisy, Maria, and Lexi for friendship!!!

Emily: It’s time for the cocktail party, and based on who is left, it’s pretty clear who’s going to go home. Two of these women haven’t had 1-on-1 dates after all. But okay, we will play along. Lea seems less convinced she’s going home. She says there’s been a lot of pressure this week, but pressure makes diamonds. Delulu through and through.

During Daisy’s 1-on-1 time, Joey gives her a foot massage. Daisy says she likes to get them very often. And HARD. Yes, we get it, girl. You’re talking about sex.

Kelli: For Jenn’s alone time, she decides that she wants to teach Joey something, since he taught her how to surf. Unfortunately, what she wants to teach him is piano, and the only available piano is out in the main room with the other women. Jenn and Joey sit down on the bench and Jenn tells everyone to ignore them, which is obviously impossible. I don’t know if you’ve ever listened to someone practicing piano, but it’s not something you can tune out. So yeah, it’s awkward.

Emily: Let’s just cut to the chase. At the rose ceremony, the people you think are getting roses get roses. We’re down to Kelsey T, Kelsey A, Daisy, Jen, Maria, and Rachel are moving on to next week. They’re flying to a new place in Canada. Hooray! Meanwhile, Katelyn and Lea go home.

Kelli: In the van, Lea says that this decision is Joey’s loss. Production asks if she has any regrets about the season. She looks down at her lap and doesn’t say anything, which I think is meant to imply that her answer would be “no.” This is just the cherry on top of the edit they’ve given her, and while I do feel bad about how far they pushed it, she also made her bed.

Emily: Kelli, do you have any regrets about picking Lea first?

Kelli: I think you know the answer to that question.

Emily’s Team - Team Daisy is My Yoshi