Kelli: Recap readers, I know you all have been through a lot with the shift from one Bachelorette to another, but don’t worry — I will NOT be replacing Susan for the rest of the season. No need to pivot. This is temporary.

Emily: Welcome, Kelli. Perhaps you can bring Susan’s team good luck.

Kelli: The episode starts out with some reflections on the dramatic previous night, wherein Noah secured the group date rose for a date he was not even on. Noah seems to be taking on villain status pretty quickly, but I’m not sure that he totally deserves it. It seems like the men in this house are even more petty than usual and are constantly on the lookout for a new person to hate.

Emily: Yeah, I think they’re extremely touchy and worried about anyone getting extra time after they had to deal with Clare and Dale. Every man who gets Tayshia’s attention outside of scheduled rule-following time is a threat. But Noah only did as Tayshia asked so… yeah whatever.

Time for a weird group date turned into a 1-on-1. On the date are Bennett, Ivan, Riley, and Demar from Team I Just Met My Husband. From Team Reckless on Instagram, we’ve got Blake, Kenny, and Zac. They’re being asked to write a song to compete for a special 1-on-1 date with Tayshia.

Kelli: This group date seems, to me, like the average person’s worst nightmare. None of these men seem particularly enthusiastic about writing and performing music except for maybe Demar. I would like to award 2 points to Zac for glancing at the camera The Office style to dispense the advice, “You just have to Listen To Your Heart.” Incredible.

Emily: Bennett says he doesn’t know anything about music, so he’s going to do a rap. Which we all immediately know is going to be a bad idea, but we have to sit and watch it happening anyway.

Kelli: Personally, I would never want to be in Tayshia’s position here, because she has to pretend that all of them are doing a good job when basically none of them are doing a good job. Some of them would be easier to watch, like Blake, who is doing such an obviously ridiculous performance that it’s easy to laugh at without feeling too bad, but when guys are trying to be too earnest (Riley), or when they’re trying to be funny and falling flat (Bennett), it’s pretty painful.

Emily: I actually think it’s much better that everyone is doing a bad job. Imagine having to sit around and watch a bunch of Jeds singing dog food jingles. Next up is Ivan who does a sweet little song and kisses her hand. I can’t deal with Ivan. He’s so sweet.

Kelli: Demar follows Ivan’s performance with a song that actually seems to have a structure, and although his voice leaves something to be desired, it’s pretty cute and Tayshia seems to like it a lot (especially when he throws shade at JPJ, lol. Can we award him +1 point for this?). He seems to think he has it in the bag, but Tayshia ultimately awards the one-on-one date to Ivan (20 points)… and who can blame her?

Kelli: Ivan and Tayshia head back to Tayshia’s room for their date, which is the kind of date I have been on many times — ordering in, playing board games, and hanging out.

Emily: I loved this so much. First, they played The Floor is Lava. They have a pillow fight. They play Twister. They order in all the food including a giant bowl of ice cream. I feel like this date is the perfect date for Tayshia because she loves guys who can be silly and chill. But she also loves when men are able to open up about serious subjects, which is what comes next.

Kelli: I can’t help but think that the reason we’re getting a lot more genuine conversations this season is thanks to the lack of bungee jumping and city exploring, and I am really digging it. I do like seeing the landscapes they travel to in more traditional seasons, but as for getting to know these people as individuals, I think this set-up is really working.

Emily: I agree.

Kelli: The depth of their conversation is aided by the absolutely giant sundae they’re having for dessert. I feel like I have a distant memory of a similarly enormous sundae during another season, but I can’t remember who was eating it. I just remember feeling, like I did watching this, violently jealous.

Emily: Yes, much better date than the weird therapy date that was Clare’s first 1-on-1. And the deep conversations came more naturally than when the whole date is centered around conversations like “tell me about your trauma.” They talk about their families. Ivan’s father is older, and Tayshia’s father is very young. Apparently it doesn’t matter how old their moms are.

Kelli: Things take an emotional turn when Ivan tells Tayshia about his brother. He reveals that after he left for college, his younger brother got mixed up with the wrong things and began to struggle with addiction. His brother ended up going to prison for four years.

Emily: Ivan tells Tayshia that it killed him on the inside to watch his brother go through that. His brother has a girlfriend who was pregnant when he went into jail, and his brother’s daughter was born while he was in jail. Ivan tells Tayshia, “It’s chilling thinking about how my brother would be in prison and when my niece was born for the first two years of her life she couldn’t even touch her dad.” He also says that going through that with his brother taught him so much. “If I never had him, I’d never have been so open to people going through things like drugs and alcohol. As tough as it is, he’s taught me so much.” 5 points for this sob story, which is legitimately touching.

Kelli: It really is, especially after that one-on-one with Clare and Jason where he was like “my parents got divorced and now I’m broken.” Like, come on.

Anyway, talking about his brother leads Ivan to bring up the brutality that occurs within prisons and that his brother has personally experienced. Then he mentions George Floyd. This was when I became reluctantly hopeful about the conversation they were potentially going to have — and for the first time in recent memory, the show did not let me down.

Emily: Yes, Ivan says to Tayshia, “My brother used to tell me stories about how correctional officers beat him up and I felt so bad because my first question was what did you do?” And this gets him into talking about police brutality and how so many people want to blame the victim. Ivan says that he now understands that the reality is no matter what his brother did or didn’t do, he didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

Kelli: I know that the bar is EXTREMELY low for this show when it comes to talking about real world issues, but I was kind of blown away by this conversation. The last time the Bachelor aired a conversation this difficult, thoughtful, and nuanced as this was probably when Caelynn opened up about sexual assault on Colton’s season. I think that if this show gave more conversations this room to breathe and stopped focusing on all the stupid shit where people say “I want to be vulnerable and open up to you” without the actual being-vulnerable-and-opening-up parts, this show would be ten thousand times more interesting and emotionally satisfying.

Emily: I absolutely agree, and considering this show’s audience has a pretty high percentage of white Republican viewers, this is such an important message for the Bachelor audience to hear. Ivan turns the conversation to Tayshia and asks her, “How have the events of the world affected who you are today?” Tayshia starts crying, and I hate to break up this important conversation with points, but because Ivan made Tayshia cry, he gets 5 points. Ivan also gets 2 points for crying. Tayshia explains that she grew up in a very white community and didn’t always realize how hard she was working to fit in. But “Hearing people yell Black Lives Matter hit me more than I realized because there are so many people that I’ve had to prove that I’m the same as them.” This was so heartbreaking to hear, and I hope viewers who have dismissed BLM or have idiotically shouted “All Lives Matter” might take this conversation to heart. I know it’s a pipe dream, but if The Bachelorette can have these difficult conversations, then a girl can dream.

Kelli: Absolutely. I feel like this is a historic moment in the series and I hope it leads to more moments like this in the future. I think it helped that the conversation happened so naturally between Ivan and Tayshia, too - like you said, it wasn’t like the producers off camera shouting “can you talk about BLM now?” It seemed to come up organically, which is what you get when you have an interesting and intelligent cast that isn’t 90% white.

As their convo wraps up, Tayshia obviously gives Ivan the rose for 10 points. Ivan was an early favorite but after this date I’m like, if this were me… damn. Show’s over again. Bring in a third Bachelorette. I think Tayshia is feeling pretty strongly too — she says “I’ve never met a guy like Ivan before” — but I still don’t know if she’ll pick him in the end. I wish she would.

Emily: Even more so, I wish Ivan could be our Bachelor. No one cares about Matt James.

Kelli: Right?

Emily: At some point, Tayshia and Ivan also make out, so 2 more points. Then they go back inside, and Tayshia shows Ivan a slideshow of pictures of her when she was little. It’s so cute, but also can you imagine going on a first date with someone and them being like “now let’s watch a slideshow of baby pictures of me”?

Kelli: Moving on, Group date #2 is announced, and if there was a date card, I do not remember what it said. From Team I Just Met My Husband: Demar, Riley, and Bennett; from team Reckless on Instagram: Blake, Kenny, and Zac. Noah expresses regret that he isn’t on this group date, and Bennett’s like, “isn’t that a little greedy? You already have a rose.” The tension continues to ramp up between all of the guys vs. Noah. Bennett becomes less likable every time he starts a new feud, which seems to be once an episode at this point.

Emily: Agreed. I wanted to dislike Bennett when he was first introduced. Then he proved me wrong by being delightful and I wanted to like him. But now he’s proving me wrong again by being a dick. Truly Harvard men are so complicated.

Kelli: Tayshia has brought in Becca and Sydney, who are two of her best friends, apparently. I honestly have no memory of the friendships on Colton’s season since it was so long ago, but sure, let’s go with it.

Emily: Well, Becca wasn’t on Colton’s season. Colton was on her season, but she does announce, “There are two important things in a relationship: truth and dare.”

Kelli: They announce that they’ve organized a game called “Tayshia’s Truth or Dare,” which turns out to be pretty much just dares. The men are split into pairs (Kenny and Blake, Demar and Bennett, Zac and Riley) and given a map and camera so that they can have photographic evidence that they’ve completed the dares. This seemed a bit superfluous considering that Becca, Sydney, and Tayshia are watching everything that happens through binoculars.

Emily: I’m unsure of how the organization of this dare thing works, but I’m sure they’ve got it figured out somehow. One of them is a smoothie challenge. Sydney wants to be sure we know that they’re smoothies but they’re not GOOD smoothies. They have cow guts or something in them. I’m sorry, but there’s no way in hell I would drink that smoothie for anyone. I’ve been vegetarian for years, and I wouldn’t eat any animal for any tv show. I’m always surprised by challenges like this where everyone just eats the thing. No way in hell.

Kelli: The second challenge/dare is that the guys have to track down Chris Harrison and get him to autograph their ass cheeks. I would love to know what Chris’ bonus is for this season, or if he’s simply being compensated in a daily lunch of crab legs and champagne, which he’s digging into when the men interrupt him.

Emily: It really seems like Chris didn’t know they were going to ask him to do this, so either Chris is a really good actor, or the entire production crew is punking Chris Harrison this season. Either way, it’s funny. The next dare is to make sex noises over the intercom so the whole hotel can hear.

Kelli: My main comment about the sex noises dare is that Bennett’s performance would genuinely lead me to believe he has never had sex before.

Emily: Yeah… why does he say, “Don’t worry about that”? I am worried. Tayshia says, “Bennett really shocks me every time he does something.” Which really doesn’t need to be elaborated upon. That really just sums up Bennett.

Kelli: Finally, they are tasked with the closest thing to a “truth” while still basically being a dare: each guy has to propose to Tayshia after eating an extremely hot pepper. Kenny comes the closest to puking, but manages to hold it together even though Sydney and Becca provide a barf bucket for him just in case. I will award him 2 points for keeping it down because y’all know I don’t want to see any of that on my screen.

Emily: Congratulations, Kenny, I guess. Also of note is Bennett once again. He ends up getting very emotional during his proposal. In an ITM, Bennett says that he really has feelings for Tayshia, but there’s a little bit more to this story.

Kelli: The night portion gives us some insight into why Bennett was having Feelings about his fake proposal to Tayshia. He tells her that he was engaged before and “all dialed up” (???) to get married, but then he called it off because he knew it wasn’t right. 5 points for this sob story which made me feel nothing but apparently endears Bennett to Tayshia, because they make out for 2 points. Blake tells Tayshia he has great relationships with all of his exes, which sounds fake but okay.

Emily: Yeah, Blake is hiding something. Whatever, Blake.

Kelli: Demar tells Tayshia that he is afraid of getting divorced because his mom has been divorced twice. Same, Demar, except it’s both of my parents!

Emily: Yeah, dude. Welcome to the club of people with parents who have been divorced multiple times. We’re all here. Anyway, next up is Zac. Apparently Tayshia had a swimsuit at the ready and so did Zac because they get in a hot tub. I feel like getting in a hot tub is points, but I can’t remember. Since we make the rules, we’re now saying it’s 5 points. I feel like it’s been a while since we got a good ole classic hot tub, especially in the middle of a cocktail party. Zac tells Tayshia he’s “in the feels,” if that’s what the kids are saying nowadays. They make out (2 points). Zac gets the group date rose for 10 points. It’s a nice showing for Zac tonight.

Kelli: Elsewhere at the LaQuinta Inn, Ben is still freaking out about how he disappointed Tayshia the other night after the group date. He decides to pull a move which is a lot easier now that the Bachelorette is being held in the same compound as her contestants: he decides to visit her room. Unfortunately, he is not the only person who has this idea.

Emily: Ed is also looking for Tayshia, but he seems a little lost. Instead, he finds Chris Harrison. I am dying because this basically means production sent Ed to the wrong room on purpose. The trolling of Chris Harrison continues. This time, though, Chris seems ready. He invites Ed in for a drink and Ed accepts. 5 points to Ed for chilling with Chris.

Kelli: Luckily for Ben, he has better luck (meaning the producers did not fuck him over), and he shows up to the correct room. Tayshia seems reluctant at first, but she lets him inside and they sit down to chat. Ben immediately says he’s extremely nervous, which as a Virgo I know is probably making Tayshia nervous, but then he apologizes and tries to explain himself. Tayshia tells him she felt like everyone this week has been showing up and it frustrated her to feel like he wasn’t going out of his way for her. This is obviously just a misunderstanding, because he was actually trying to plan something special for her and his plan failed, so I do feel a little bad for him. They agree that they both have their guards up around each other, but eventually the conversation warms up and Tayshia forgives Ben. A knock at the door briefly makes us think Ed is finally here, but it’s just room service, thank god.

Emily: I have to say Ben played all of this right. I say he gets 5 points for this evening and making some alone time with Tayshia. They make out for 2 points. Good job, Ben.

Kelli: Finally, we have reached the rose ceremony, which is actually at the end of the episode for once.

Emily: Praise Jesus!

Kelli: Here’s hoping this fixes the schedule. Bennett has learned his lesson and pulls Tayshia to talk first, which is a good move on his part. Everyone’s like, “yeah, that makes sense, good for him,” not realizing that Ben and Tayshia already made out over champagne last night. If they knew, I imagine they’d be furious. They make out again, and then Tayshia has a conversation with Brendan, where she also makes out with him, for — say it with me — 2 points.

Emily: Next up is Noah, who wisely spends his time trash talking the other guys. “Wisely” is used sarcastically here, folks. Noah tells Tayshia that people are saying she only gave Noah the rose to shake things up. Tayshia says it’s jealousy and shrugs it off. Because Noah isn’t getting the response he wanted, he doubles down. He says the guys think Tayshia isn’t taking this seriously. I feel like Noah is lying about this? The big giveaway is he also says, “A lot of the guys who do think like this don’t do well with confrontation.” In other words, “They think this but if you ask them, they won’t admit to it, so I’m not lying just so you know. I want you to know in advance they’re lying.” Sure, Noah. Sure.

Kelli: Tayshia is fucking pissed. Do NOT question a Virgo’s choices!!! She calls the group back together and stops them before they stand up, making it clear that she is Not Pleased. She tells them that her integrity has been called into question. She is being very intentional with everything she does, and she is a grown woman who can make her own decisions, so she does not appreciate being doubted like this. Then she says “I’ll see you at the rose ceremony” and walks out, cancelling the cocktail party without even having to say “I’m cancelling the cocktail party.” The guys are flummoxed.

Emily: The guys are trying to figure out who could have spread this rumor about them to Tayshia. They’re talking through who talked to her when to see which of the dudes talked to her last. Finally, Noah has to just come clean and admit he is the shit stirrer.

Kelli: As usual, all of the men who love to start yelling over each other whenever there is any kind of conflict are now yelling. Ed is yelling, Riley is yelling, Bennett is yelling, Jordan is yelling. They’re not literally yelling, but the energy is definitely yelly, and I’m extremely over it. Note that all of the men we like are sitting there quietly, also extremely over it. I guess we have to toss Noah a few points for stirring shit again, so — +2?

Emily: Yes, I’m also sending Bennett a few points because he was the biggest asshole during all of this. Bennett tells Noah there’s zero percent chance that he ends up with Tayshia and soon she’ll know that. He also says some dumb shit about how Noah is a child and he doesn’t want to have to breastfeed him. This seems oddly misogynist, but I don’t really feel like getting into it, because it’s so dumb. So here you go, Bennett. Take your 2 asshole points.

Kelli: Finally, Tayshia returns for the rose ceremony. I honestly love it that she starts by just looking at them in silence and then reaching for a rose. What a power move.

Emily: Honestly, I’m loving her so much. I’ve always loved her, but this episode especially has been such a good one for Tayshia. Ben, Eazy, Riley, Brandon, Bennett, Blake, Demar, Spencer, and Ed all get roses. That means Joe, Jordan, Kenny, and Chasen went home in this blood bath of a rose ceremony.

Kelli: I think we can both agree that Joe is a devastating loss. I can only imagine that she kept Ed because the producers told her to since he’s a messy bitch who loves drama and Joe is quiet and therefore Not Good TV, but it’s a bummer to lose one of the only guys who has a completely nontoxic presence when people like Ed are still around.

Emily: I am completely heartbroken by the loss of Joe, who was becoming one of my absolute favorites. Here’s hoping we see him on Paradise next summer. It seems like he was a fan favorite. Joe, you went too soon! I am shocked Chasen went home, after all the drama he caused last week. But I guess he didn’t cause enough drama this episode and so we’ve moved on to new prospects for the impending 2-on-1.

Kelli: If there’s one thing I’m happy about, it’s that we won’t have to keep hearing Kenny refer to Tayshia as ‘T,’ because he strikes me as the kind of person who gives nicknames without permission.

Emily: Bye to Kenny and his dumb tattoo!

TIME TO GET TO THE POINTS!!